Contact from the other woman

[FMO1976]

I have just received a text from the woman I suspected my husband was having an affair with - it arrived when we were in the car together and it was read out through the car speakers.

She said she felt that needed to tell me - people are gossiping at work, and she has told him to stop the contact. What should I do?

@screamingladysutch

So are you separated then and living with your children? Does he see them?

Is it an affair ? or doesn't your husband just keep pursuing her and although she was probably flattered at first , she is fed up with it and believes telling you will put a stop to it .

Surely if he is so wealthy you wouldn't be left in poverty if you divorced? So what is the issue? You just like your lifestyle? Worried what the neighbours will think?

All you are doing is teaching your DD to accept this type of behaviour from a man.

@jessycake

He simply denies it, and in typical fashion says I am wrong. I can’t think he’ll be thrilled after I have called her up.....

FMO1976 Whatever is happening it is an awful thing to be going through for you and your family x. I see autocorrect changed does to doesn't ! I must look properly before I post

Are you even actually going to phone her though @FMO1976? And then what happens if she tells you they've been sleeping together? He denies it and you carry on as normal because it's nice having a nanny?

You seem very concerned with your lifestyle here and on the other post. What is the point of living in a gilded cage for you and your children (who incidentally will pick up on the unhappiness in the home eventually)? Please don't wait to be totally humiliated. Why not spend some time with a divorce lawyer - you may not need to move home.

No offence OP but you sound like a doormat. He has you exactly where he wants.

Just call her. Now.

Then kick him out. This afternoon.

@purpledingyoverboard

Yup. He goes off and does what he wants and I stay at home with the children every night!

I don’t get why he doesn’t ask for a divorce and then he can have a proper relationship with OW without sneaking about.

I don’t get why he doesn’t ask for a divorce and then he can have a proper relationship with OW without sneaking about.

Because he probably cares as much for this OW as he does you. He has likely had multiple OWs...you just know about 2

Well a/ divorces can be very expensive, he will lose part of his pension pot as well as some or all of the house, child maintenance to pay...
b/might also be handy to have the 'I love you and would be with you but I'm married, love my kids etc' excuse

@Talkingmouse

That is true. I am not sure that family would welcome into the fold a woman they know such low morals that they would enter into a relationship with a man with 2 kids, a wife etc.

This is likely good advice - just need to go for jt

And the comments on lifestyle - it’s not expensive clothes and presents. We are comfortable for sure, and I can buy the kids what they need, but it’s not like a I am enjoying the trappings of his wealth. The nanny is nice and I think the kids benefit from having 2 ‘parents’ but am thinking of an au pair soon anyway so I can go out in the evenings etc.

One thing that really stands out across both your threads is your obsession with what his family will think. You seem to be really sure they will disown him ? Why does their opinion even matter to you atall ?

You have had lots of really good advice over the threads, and are not taking any of it. It's your decision obviously. Do you want to stay married to this man?

We will definitely need to sell the house or he will need to pay the mortgage for the next 15 years or whatever and the presumably sell it when the youngest is 18. Not sure that’s a great position to be in

OP your husband is cheating on you. How do you feel about him cheating on you?

Why are you ignoring every post/question on here OP? I cant understand how you've not called OW already. Your thoughts seem so preoccupied with really minor thing that just dont matter eg why OW texted you. Who cares about that? Our DH has your been shown to be having an affair.

He doesn't need to get a divorce OP. He is doing exactly as he likes now. OW and a wife who turns a blind eye. Why would he inconvenience himself going through a divorce?

@pinkhighlighter2

I want to be married to who I though he was.....smart, ambitious, (solid family that I thought he wanted to replicate). He is clearly not that anymore. Splitting will no doubt change everything financially, emotionally, have massive upheaval. And the part of my life that grates the most is being home alone every evening with the C asleep won’t change.

That said, I feel like I am being treated like a fool, and probably accept things will never change. He’s clearly not happy either, but I guess I think we should have a conversation, try and work through it (whatever that is) rather then sneak about. If we both agree on a divorce then do it like adults. Not one throwing the other out with no plan etc.

And I know the ship has probably sailed on what I want. But he’ll probably make an effort with the kids this weekend, and I’ll enjoy seeing them happy with their dad....they will all hate being dragged off to see him every other weekend - it’s totally impossible.

Something is not right here. If there is a house/money etc you will get a good settlement if you divorce him. Why do you not want to do that?! He’s a scumbag to you and also to his kids for cheating on their mother!!

Take him to the fucking cleaners OP!!! Jesus I would not hesitate for on second to rinse this shitty man of every penny I possibly could!!!

Ok then stay and stop posting on here then!!!! Get a toyboy or lover and carry on with your fake ass marriage.