Contact from the other woman

[FMO1976]

I have just received a text from the woman I suspected my husband was having an affair with - it arrived when we were in the car together and it was read out through the car speakers.

She said she felt that needed to tell me - people are gossiping at work, and she has told him to stop the contact. What should I do?

Really @Missarad? Your advice is let him carrying on shagging someone else and start looking better for him?

he’s not having an affair

Well obviously he's going to say that isn't he?

Missarad I hope the OP doesn't pay attention to your ridiculous post. Lose weight indeed!

No. I'm saying it's her choice if she chooses to. If she wants to stay with him them look at why hes cheating and what she could do diff. She dlesnt want to leave him from sounds of it

I'm pretty sure he's not cheating because she doesn't go to the gym often enough ffs

So if she loses weight and goes to the gym he won't cheat? Seriously I think you're deluded, please don't give your really bad advice to the OP (or to anyone come to that).

To be fair the OP hasn't taken any sensible advice on board so she'll probably take that advice and renew her membership tomorrow

missarad are you fucking joking??
Lose weight? Look better than OW??

Give your head a wobble

Will losing weight stop the child abuse too?

He's cheating because he's a cheating scumbag missarad not because of how she looks.
HTH

Oh give over. This woman has decided she wants to share her husband. She will have more time to do her hair, go to the gym and practice the pick me dance if she cares to. Meanwhile he can siphon off the cash from the business while she is distracted.

He chose pretty well for himself. She is not part of the equation.

If you know your husband is a cheat but don’t leave, how can you say your choice is anything but bottom of the pile? That’s where you are. Plenty of women have marriages that hang together this way - she’s thinking loyally, he’s thinking she should definitely think that too.

@LexMitior

We don’t have a business to siphon cash out of - we are both employees! It’s nothing to do with appearances - I go to the gym, eat healthily and definitely don’t need to lose weight.

@baileys6904

I think this is definitely part of the problem - but then when I say why don’t you take the kids out on your own today he doesn’t want to and asks me to go. When he fetched one from party and I was on a play date with the other I got home ana they were watching TV in different rooms. I do think his relationship may be better if he was happier but at the same time it’s hard work and he also accepts that a whole weekend with the kids alone would be hard work. I wish I had just left him with the kids more, and gone out and had some time to myself - he’d have coped and I would I have benefited.

He has always struggled with this - I used to wish he’d go out when our eldest was a baby for a walk or something but it was always me that had to go out and he’d watch the baby at home.

2 under 2 was hard work for sure.

He’s cheating to have fun as he likes going out to posh places like we did before the kids and is bored of looking after the kids. He accepts that the reason he’s miserable - he probably wants me to leave him so he can have fun, and me ana the kids are what’s trapping him so of course he resents is all

@lexmitior

It’s real. There is no time for hair and gym. I WORK 4 days a week for a large company.

OP, surely you must be tired of all this now, it's exhausting to read on here trying to make sense of the situation, so it must be worse for you going through it in real time, assuming you are. Stop wasting your mental energy on him and the OW, and start arranging the practicalities you ought to be now putting into practice.

Op why are YOU doing this to your children? It’s almost as though you are using them to prove your many ‘points’
Your DH is a pathetic man, sure, but you know this and yet you obsessively focus on everything other than making sure your children are ok.
You know they will take from YOU right? You are actually the biggest influence and source of comfort and happiness yet you seem to prefer putting them in situations just to say “I told you so”
The ability for them to have a happy and healthy life lies with you. FFS start acting on that

@baileys6904

Thanks - this is true to a point the the relationship between the kids and their dad. However, when our relationship was really good he still had a poor relationship with the kids, never prioritising them. I guess over time it’s caused me (and probably him) huge frustration.

So why are you staying for the sake of the kids? Or have I missed something?

So why are you claiming that staying is best for the kids OP? It's the opposite.

Staying is placing them in a position where they are constantly rejected and let down by him not wanting to spend time with them and then when he has to, him clearly not enjoying doing so.

You're watching him do that so they think it's normal. That will damage their sense of relationships and family for life. You're complicit in how he treats them at this stage.

@YasssKween

Because i still feel it feels better for the kids to be a family of four. It fits socially, is more ‘normal’, prevents upheaval etc. I have been speaking to various school mums and they feel similarly lonely with long hour husbands. Maybe I need to work more on making myself happy, doing stuff with the kids and see what happens.

I still hope when the kids are a year or two older and can sit nicely, go to different places etc. it will be better.

That said. We have a very long way to go. I have some plans with friends this weekend so we are not under each other’s feet all weekend which we normally are. The bottom line will be if he’s having a second affair.....I still need to figure that out.