Contact from the other woman

[FMO1976]

I have just received a text from the woman I suspected my husband was having an affair with - it arrived when we were in the car together and it was read out through the car speakers.

She said she felt that needed to tell me - people are gossiping at work, and she has told him to stop the contact. What should I do?

You want them to keep all the nice things and don't give a shit about their feelings. Why are you blaming him when you're acting just as irresponsibly? You're infuriating. I'm going to unfollow this post because you're ridiculous and you're putting your flash lifestyle above your children's well-being.

He treats the children appallingly and YOU are complicit in that. It's disgraceful.
If you cared about the children you would have left by now.

Why do you need proof of the second affair? You’re doing “head in the sand”. Go see a solicitor for God’s sakes!

OP, he won't ever be the father your want him to be or the DC deserve. Ever. It is not in him. This is what you need to accept, not carry on hoping in blind optimism that if you drag him out on family days out on a weekend, that he will suddenly start to enjoy it. He is a lost hope.

Move on, separate, and give your DC the parent they do deserve: YOU. You being a happy and independent parent. Free from this man taking up all your headspace, disrespecting and humiliating you, and being a shit father. The DC will be fine if you split up.

He is going to be a shit father whether you stay together or not. Stop overthinking the future. Start living in the NOW.

I'm beginning to wonder if he's as bad as you're saying OP.

It's not for me to pity your kids! You're the one who should pity them.

The fact you haven’t immediately rang the OW proves you don’t actually want to know. You’ve constantly made excuses up as to why you haven’t. You’ve enough time on your hands to write on here non stop therefore you’ve enough time to ring her.

@devastatedtoday

It’s not that simple as we all work at the same business. I don’t want to look like some nutty woman bullying junior staff......

Instead you’d prefer to look like a fool?SHE CONTACTED YOU AND YOUVE DONE NOTHING I find it hard to believe this thread is actually real. You’ve been given hundreds of advice notes yet here you are doing nothing. looks like your a bored woman wasting people’s time. Unfollowed

That's it what you said the other day OP, you said that you were going to contact her; if SHE texted you first (which you say she did) you won't look like a 'bully' as you are just responding. Beginning to wonder myself if this is real.

@angieloumc

She didn’t and I tried to respond but have heard nothing....apparently she didn’t send anything....or at least that’s what she told H

This is one of the saddest and most infuriating things I've ever read on here. Those poor kids.

@jorisbonson

Because of him or because we are still together...?

Because they have a father who doesn't care and a mother who only seems to want to keep everyone "still together" for material reasons.

Lifetime of therapy and (justifiable) resentment coming up for them.

Hmm so the text didn't show up on your phone?
I too feel sorry for your DC, what a tangled web both parents are both weaving.

@JorisBonson

It’s not material things - it’s to try and save the kids the upheaval. I guess lots of people don’t make it home for their kids bedtime. I think they do miss having him in the house even if only to sleep there so they know he’s been home.

@angieloumc

It did - but not from the same number in the system at work. She’s spoken to him and told him she didn’t send it - and is not answering. I haven’t a clue what’s going on I assume she’s hoping he’ll leave me

I grew up with parents who didn't love each other and were unfaithful. When I started forming my own relationships, I thought that was normal and found myself miserable for years.

If that's what you want for your own children then carry on.

OP in the nicest possible way you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Wondering why she is telling you rather than the fact that your DH is the one that’s had an affair.

Your kids will be better without him in their lives.

I don't know HuggedTrees, I don't think either parent is doing the best for their DC at the moment.
I'll bow out now I think, it's rather infuriating.

Did she identify herself in the text? Are you calling that number or her work number?

Op with all respect how thick is your skin? Posters have told you what they think of your 'D'H, and all you do is make excuse after excuse. Why exactly did you ask what everyone else thought about your relationship when you are going to stick your fingers in your ears and pretend you can't hear the multiple LTBs coming from women who have obviously been through this or a similar scenario. They aren't responding to just slag off your husband, and give you the answer you crave which seems to me that it's all the fault of the OW in your mind, and even though you know your DH is also to blame, you think she's more at fault for leading him astray and making him behave in a manner not benefitting you and your family. If you do genuinely want answers re-read the thread from the beginning and take notice of what people are saying, it'll benefit your children and you in the long run, or choose to ignore the advice and stop asking for opinions you don't want the answer to. HTH

Oh and by the way I'm not saying this to be a snippy cow, it just irritates me to know you're a nice woman who wants her children to grow up in a nice home with loving parents, but one of you isn't prepared to put in the parenting for the children. Please put your children and yourself first.

Have you ever thought that your relationship with him is actually affecting his relationship with the kids?
If he's that miserable with you, he won't want to spend time in the home and find it easier to escape.
I'm not saying its right, I'm saying you could be making it worse for the fact you like the lifestyle
Your kids deserve to see a happy healthy relationship so they can see what one looks like to be able to emulate that in the future. God forbid your girls grow up thinking this shits normal and have the same experience for themselves

Lots of people stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of money and comfort or just an easy like. End of day it's this ladies choice. I have an ass of a husband who drinks to much and has started having issues with liver hes an ass and whinge to kids all time. But I love him he provides and yea I prefer a 2 person family. Things arent black and white. I'd say if u wanna stay married then try make yourself more attractive than ow lose weight (if needed) go to gym, have a dirty weekend. Are you still having a physical relationship if not then hes def cheating and if your not why not.