Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Morning all! Glad to hear it stuck well done for doing it!

So Mr Woods asked me on a date, friday afternoon going for a coffee and a walk we were talking about a film we've both never seen and he suggested we make a date to watch it - I'm going for naivete rather than straight shagger - so I suggested the meet up first and see how things pan out over a couple of dates... sensible?

That’d be my concern @bangheadhere40 if he wants to get to you using the kids would make sense, his behaviour doesn’t sound reasonable so please don’t assume he can act appropriately in one area when he’s showing you he can’t in others. And is a role model you want for your kids?

@TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana sounds like sense to me, basic safety meet in a public place etc

@Lovemusic33 Sorry to hear about your DD. You say their dad doesn't really have them overnight, but CAN he? If it comes to it, can he have your youngest at your house while you stay at hospital with your eldest? You're not asking him a favour, he is their dad and should help out.

That's what I was thinking - SSDGM

If I like him and everything seems above board, do I put him off about going to his for a date for a few days/weeks?

@HairyArsedMan thanks. I done it last night, asked if he was chatting or looking to cht with anyone else as I'd prefer 1to 1 at this stage and what were his thoughts. didnt take long to reply and said he was early but not now that we were getting to know each other more.

@Bangheadhere40 my ex sends me messages like this regularly (I think hes drunk) he said recently he'd gouge my new guys eyes out when he sees him. altho he prob wouldnt say boo to a goose! also threatening to tell DD next time he speaks to her that she has a new dad! and that I'm a slag/slut and a bad lady. luckily he hasnt called her! I need to keep contact open for DD but block him sometimes when it gets too much. when he found out I went out for new year he called me 30odd times in 1.5 hours. when I blocked him in the past he messaged me with diff name on a dating app. made me very wary of who I was speaking to on OLD. I've not reported any as I think it's all empty threats tbh.

sunshine he didn’t look after them when I had surgery a few months ago. My daughter needs lots of personal care and he refuses to do that (because he’s a man and she’s a teenage girl). My mum will be my only option but she’s getting older and still works herself so it will be tricky. Hopefully I will be able to leave dd1 at the hospital a bit as she will be 16/17 when she has it done but I will want to be near by, so I could take dd2 with me and pop in and out of the hospital whilst trying to entertain dd2 in between visits, it won’t be easy.

I think it may be asking if in the circumstances the respite could be longer than 1 hour, in your situation they surely would be able to Offer something?

No word from Mr Clean at all since yesterday so I think it’s fizzled out
I had sent him a silly video of me playing with my dog and that seems to have killed the chat completely! I know he was busy but I don’t know if I came on a bit strong or something or the distance? I had loads of bumble matches but not many of them replied to me and the ones who did we just didn’t seem to click

@Lovemusic33 That's a shame. I can kind of understand the personal care part if she is a teenager but can he step up and do some of the other care while perhaps your mum does the personal care? Or can he do the bulk of the hospital care (as much as I know you'd want to be there as a mum)?

@Lovemusic33 for you and DD. I'm so sorry your XH isn't helping. I can't imagine not being there for my 2 DC. Have a (virtual)hug.

Still chatting to Miss Bulgaria. Maybe it's her English, but she hasn't answered my question re meeting... Not sure if I should ask again - would it come across as needy?

Can I join?! After a year of being single I've decided to go for it but by got there's some duds out there!

Finally had a decent first date on Saturday who was super enthusiastic to meet again but is now blowing a bit hot and cold and it's driving me mad as he actually seemed quite nice and normal! 😩

Ok, this subreddit is really good.

www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/em9t96/good_morning_to_everyone_except_rob/

I can't use Reddit. Not just that specific post, but all of r/FemaleDatingStrategy.

Love that Reddit post!

Urgh the Reddit has just made me feel worse today 😂

@menora I had a quick look through and I wasn't keen either. I think they took the viewpoint that all men are the same and just after one thing. I know that's the impression a lot give on these apps but there are some good ones out there!

And even if they are only after sex, there's nothing wrong with that if they are upfront about it. Lots of women are too.

Sunshine I think he will have to step up and do some of the hospital care for dd1, getting him to take time off work is a challenge in itself 😢. I will talk to him later and see what he says.

@menora it made me feel like there was something wrong with me just wanting sex. I was with stbxh for 14 years, married for 10. I don't have the energy for pesky feelings and relationships, I want to explore what's out there but I started feeling a bit seedy for feeling like that so I came off there.

It's very much skewed towards younger women, I think.

I think when Mr Clean hasn’t text me back then it just made me feel a bit urgh

I’m going to have to give up bumble as there is no one local on it anyway who I haven’t already spoken to!

@Welsh36 -I don't think there is anything wrong with just wanting sex pm me! .

As said before, I am upfront about wanting something casual when I've matched, and am messaging. Obvs, it can (usually does! ) cut any conversation short, but I'm of the opinion that's much better than lying spending £1000 to get a shag..

@averageguy - pmsl think you need to read the rules again!

@Welsh36 - Don't worry, rule 10 is firmly burned into my brain!

Love I think it's definitely worth asking about more respite

I don't see anything wrong with just wanting sex - I found Fab easier for that, as a woman. And then I went and met Mr BC and we fell in love 😍😂