Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I haven't heard of fab, is it another app?

I definitely want some sex way more than I want love 😂

Hi all I am very tired and hungover in work today. I think I need to tone down these date nights 🤦‍♀️. I think I had 4 hours sleep I shouldn’t complain but after a few months it’s been now I thought it might have calmed down but it’s still 4/5 times a night 😂. I need to subtly say maybe on a work night 2 is the limit. Obviously im agreeing and I enjoy it but concentrating at work isn’t easy 😂

Mr SAS used to be like that too @Jane1978xx. He's come round and have to leave at 1/2 in the morning to not leave his teenage DD alone all night (although I don't see the difference myself) but want to have sex all that time and then I would be exhausted at work the next day.

I was glad when it ended and I could get to bed at 10.30pm!

And there would always be wine involved.

Now I am with a teetotaller who likes to sleep alot!

On bumble what Does the yellow dot mean next to someone’s name? In the chat window.

It’s not too bad on a weekend when I have the whole weekend to myself to recover. My original plan was to drive and come home at 10 😴. I might subtly suggest we tone it down

@Welsh36 - Fabswingers. Not an app, but a website. It does have a very mobile friendly website.

It's not just for swingers as @BatshitCrazyWoman and @Marlboroandmalbec34 can attest. I'm sure they can help if you are interested. or pm me! Damn, bent rule 10 again!

Not long now until my date with Miss Runner this evening - meeting at a train station in London so I’m a little worried we won’t find each other in the crowds!

Have also got another date lined up next week with Miss NoName who I’ve been chatting to the last couple of days, and waiting for confirmation from another couple of irons who have said yes to meeting. Will be running out of available evenings at this rate!

Now I’ve always been a bit slow when it comes to making the first move with going for a snog, but it seems that actually the first date isn’t too early assuming we get on.

Also still pondering whether to message Miss Confusing today - it’s been 3 days now, which feels like an age - but is it still too early? She should be heading back home at the weekend so maybe I should hold off until tomorrow, or the weekend?

Thanks @AverageGuy

You are going to get thrown off this thread if you aren't careful!

@Welsh36 - Sorry if I appear a little ott. It's all tongue in cheek - honest!

If you think I'm bad, long term listers will remember the guy that posted stuff about "flicking buttons" and the like - very unsavoury..

It's ok, I know it's all a bit of fun! @averageguy!

Well a little update from me! I spoke to Mr Smile...I explained how he had come on a bit strong etc...he said he is known to get carried away and that is fine. There is still potential there....but taking it slowly :-)

I am still meeting Mr Straight tomorrow morning. He hasn't flaked yet and I don't think he will. This is the guy I have chatted to none stop for 3 months for newbies, who I have had no inhibitions with, knows everything about me really on a personal level, and who I have had virtual sex with! This is going to go very very well or very very awkwardly......and I am trying not to be a nervous wreck. He seems quite cool about the whole situation which is making me even more nervous.

Any tips on how not to appear so nervous? I think a lot of it is embarrassment, telling him so much and getting carried away with the sexting, because I never thought this day would arrive.

@crazycatlady20 good luck with the dates.

If you feel you can hold off another day with Miss Confusing then wait it out.

Does Mr Smile know what it’s no longer exclusive Bang?

Cat I would just go enjoy your dates and not worry about Miss Confusing... if she wanted to chat she would right?

I have no dates and no irons now back to square zero 😂

@menora - yes I explained to Mr Smile that it was all a bit soon for me and that I do want to see him but I'm not ready to be bf / gf as yet. He said he had jumped into it but would still like us to see eachother, and I do like him a bit more now he has chilled out a bit.

@menora I am liking Mr Smile more now though weirdly now he has chilled the hell out! :-)

That subreddit thread is really good!

@Menora @shitwithsugaron I see what you’re saying but she got in touch first on Monday, and a few other times over the last few weeks since I’ve backed off. Historically though it has pretty much always been me to text first, and she’s always been chatty and keen to meet when I have been in touch.

I know she’s insecure, so just guessing she might be waiting for me to message first like I’ve always done - especially as she did it last time, and my reply was pretty brief and didn’t invite a response. Just from my brief time here I’ve noticed that some women like the guy to message first. But waiting another day won’t hurt. She’s on holiday visiting friends (or an ex so my paranoid mind keeps telling me) so is likely to be busy anyway.

I’m going into these dates with an open mind - obviously things aren’t going amazingly well with Miss Confusing, so if I met someone who I clicked with even more, and where things just worked then I suspect I’d walk away pretty quickly.

I do like men to message first if I was the last person to write something and it’s been left in the air.

Or when I am not even sure they like me at all, and I have made it clear I like them

But in this case I did wonder at one of your comments that she thought you were asking her where you stood and she wasn’t prepared to answer it? So there is NO doubt that you like her at all

We spoke on Friday, and she said OK when I suggested meeting up. Then when I asked how she was (she seemed quite down), she said she thought I was asking if she’d thought about me and her, but I said no - I was actually just asking how she was. Then she went away on holiday the next day, so I left her to it. On Monday she sent me a happy message with a photo of her while away, then a few more pics of her after I replied - to which I sent another brief reply which kind of killed the conversation.

I’ve been trying hard to be more distant, so may even be confusing her now

This FB meme made me snort

@TheCatWithTheHat honestly she knows you are interested. Just leave her to miss you. 3 days is nothing. You can't force her to feel something she doesn't. But you can push her away if she feels pestered. If she's interested in you I'd be amazed given what you have posted but I would hold back and stop reading into things.
I finished with my iron as I thought he was more invested than me. But I missed him. He let me know he was interested but left me alone and gave me space. I didn't miss him after 3 days but after a longer period I did. If he'd have texted me after 3 days is have had no understanding of what I was losing.

@TheCatWithTheHat honestly I don't think she's interested- if she were she would make it obvious. I think if her insecurity were the problem it would probably be the opposite- contacting you lots, seeing how interested you seemed to be.

I think she knows that you're interested- if she were too you would know about it. She's keeping you as back up- I'd put money on it.

The kindest thing you can do for yourself is move on I think.