Dating thread 181 - into 2020 with finesse and strong boundaries!

[Menora]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@stuckinarut79 can you say you have an early morning so need to leave? 9:30 is quite a reasonable time to leave I think, but I'm usually in bed by 10pm

Thanks tossacoin and others who have explained the height thing, I've never been bothered by height but only ever gone out with one guy shorter than me looking back.

Talking to Mr Woods again and he is very cute! Sounds like we'd get on quite well in person, similar but with enough range for interesting stuff to maybe happen.

It's exciting but terrifying!

Ugh. He seems a bit.... dry. I'd have expected a bit more from him... he's not the chattiest at least messaging. Quite brief replies.

I doubt I'll meet him anyway he's too far 😂

Found you .

Right. - do
You know whats seriously fucking me off ?

I've got some rather fit blokes liking my profile - so I message and ...........
And.............................get it ? Nothing back? Why hit the like button if you don't even want to talk to me !

I am having fun tho. Had over 300 likes in 3 days 😂. Talking to some proper hotties. Need to remember caution . Think I have a date on Sunday if I don't get cold feet - he probably isnt for me but is interesting and confident.

I've been a ruthless and blocked the bores .

Aw he has just said he super liked me cos of my eyes though 😊

I've been following the dating thread from a (silent) distance having recently started looking at OLD. I've had a few meet ups (Mr Fingernails and Mr Ginger), one short relationship (Mr Untidy), a very short 2 dates and silence (Mr Army). But I wanted to ask about a man I have met through an online shared interest group. I'll call him Mr Tall. We have been messsaging and seeing each other sporadically for about two months now after initally chatting in a forum, but this is where I can't work him out. He messages me every day, we talk about all kinds of stuff and I really enjoy talking to him but I still don't really know if he actually likes me! Sounds crazy doesn't it, but he is so guarded in what he says about anything like that and never pays me a compliment all while being very supportive of anything I tell him. I find it very confusing. I suppose what I am really saying is that I need to ask him don't I...? I find it frustrating that I would really like to see him but having nothing planned, last saw him at the start of Jan.

I tended to go for men around the 6ft or above height too and even though Mr Ad stated he is 5ft 10 on his profile, he's no taller than 5ft 8 I'd say. I am 5ft 6 so he's still a bit taller than me in flats but actually it doesn't matter. I'm glad I didn't discount him based on height. Being tall doesn't make you a nice guy!

Mr Fact is a man giant. 6.6 but he never mentioned it on his profile or messaging. Historically I would have right swiped anyone who was under 5.10 (I’m 5.9) or tried to find out there height. I decided to change my ways and got a great surprise!

shitwith 2nd date snogging was great but he doesn’t seem to do sexting. Every time we get a bit flirty he changes the subject. Very confusing!

I agree Sunshine - I actually went on a date with a man (Mr Army) who in his profile stated he was 5'9" (I'm 5'8"). It turned out he was a tiny bit shorter than me - what is it with men adding an extra inch onto their measurements?
When I met him I was a little put off but we got on well and I actually discovered that height wasn't the deal breaker that I used to think it was as I had always gone for much taller men. Shame that he ghosted me after a few dates because I enjoyed his company but it has changed my attitude to shorter men.

Exactly sunshine I wanted to change my ways so I wasn’t discounting any great guys. In real life I often fancy men shorter than me and bald men but it seems on old i was been too picky. I’m not swiping at the moment but if/ when I do I will be more open I think

Fuck why didn’t I have a plan on how to leave, he’s going to go in for a snog and I’m going to be polite! I really didn’t think this through!!

@Stuckinarut79 don't snog him if you don't want to!

stuck just look at your watch. Say “goodness look at the time. I have to go, nice to meet you” and get the hell out of dodge

Well I’m home, I think I was so afraid he was going to reject me I had no plan for him coming on strong, we did hug and a cheek kiss on arrival then as I pulled back he went for lips, as soon as I stood up to go he had my coat to help me into it! Arm around me as we’re leaving, so car park snog, but not in a good way! I think I said I’d let him cook for me next week to get away from him!! I’m ok but that’s never happened before and I just didn’t know how to deal!
Lesson learnt but now I have to find a way to gently make it clear I won’t be seeing him again! Maybe OLD isn’t for me!

That sounds awkward, Stuck, but it also concerns me that you didn't feel able to leave when you wanted to, or to say no when you didn't want physical contact. I hope you're ok. Please don't see him again.

Mr G and I have both been so busy with our own lives, super stressful stuff on both sides of the Atlantic - but he's on his way tomorrow afternoon and will be in the country on Friday morning! We just spoke for a few minutes and he said he's excited to see me about five times. Feeling good.

stuckinarut that sounds awful! I hope you're ok?

Please don't feel you have to do it gently, just firmly say thanks but no thanks and then block him. You don't owe him anything regardless but if he can't or won't read your "don't touch me" body language, stay away! Big red flag for me

@Stuckinarut79 it's not the wrong time for OLD it's just a case of learning how to say 'no' firmly at every stage...o agree with pp, the fact he coildnt read that you weren't interested at all isnt a good sign either.

@thesparkling have the 2 of you kissed or anything like that?

@SueDoeName apparently a lot of men swipe right on everyone or everyone they're even vaguely interested in. I never bothered messaging someone first unless it was bumble (obvs) . The few times I did, nothing came of it. The tired adage that if a man is interested he will act always seemed to be proved true for me in OLD

My ex has really shook me up, the abusive one. Woke upto texts calling me names, and saying he has my new mans ' card marked'. What does that mean?

@bangheadhere40 what a scumbag twat he is. Have you reported his messages to the police before?

Checking in

@leave no as they are only texts so I just blocked him.....will they take texts seriously?

What does cards marked mean? Is he threatening ?

He moved nearby when we split and last night was being really nasty and said my house is a knocking shop. I think he's actually been to the house to check, and saw a strange car.