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Original poster

Seeing someone who has previously gone to prostitutes

366 replies

VioletVoice · 12/01/2020 16:40

I've not been in this situation before and it does bother me a bit. He and ex wife appeared to have got into a toxic relationship and she cheated with his friends, he went to prostitutes whilst working abroad.

He's quite open about this, they obviously weren't good for each other. 2 children involved but they seem relatively unscathed and he and ex get on fine now.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this though, we're not super serious (and he wouldn't be able to afford it at the moment anyway!) but it does make me feel a bit uneasy. He's been quite upfront really and said it was control as his marriage was crumbling.

OP posts:
LadyLightning · 12/01/2020 18:03

A lot more men use/have used prostitutes than ever admit to it. He is being upfront with you. Wouldnt necessarily be a deal breaker for me but i would want to know more about it - street walkers seem different to escorts to me. He could have had a bunch of one night stands. But I would think carefully going forward about where your boundaries are. If he is intelligent, kind and seems like a good match for you, I wouldnt write this off, but I would proceed with caution.

Orangeshark · 12/01/2020 18:07

A load of consensual one nights stands is very different to paying a woman for sex.

No matter if she was a trafficked woman, drug addicted woman, or the mythical happy high class escort. Any man who thinks it's acceptable to pay a woman for sex has no respect for women. It's a man who thinks that he has a right to sex, and doesn't care about the thoughts and feelings of who he's fucking

Any man who pays for sex is disgusting

Elandra · 12/01/2020 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dangerfloof · 12/01/2020 18:11

He's been quite upfront really and said it was control as his marriage was crumbling
So he himself says it was control, and he could not think of any other way to reclaim control? Huge red flag and I wouldn't touch.

Beastm0de · 12/01/2020 18:11

The guy is has got such little respect for women/you, he’s being completely honest.... what a jerk.

Also what’s the difference between a ONS and a prostitute? Either way the guy is parting with money.

There’s nothing wrong with a single man doing this, these woman decide to do this job, they are not all stupid/slaves/drug addicts/desperate for money.

Louise91417 · 12/01/2020 18:12

Perhaps he went down the "professional services" route to prevent any emotional involvement from both parties. Plenty of men shag all round them with no regard for emotional damage..hes been honest..most men wouldnt admit to this...i know its not a great selling and is a bit "eww" but only you know if you can get beyond it.Hmm

Original poster
VioletVoice · 12/01/2020 18:14

@FramingDevice well he says that Grin

I won't see him for about a week as I can't get away. I'm extremely curious to see his response earlier to if he'd visit a prostitute again.

I won't get heart broken anyway as I'm not really in love with him. I care about him though and I'm not putting myself at risk.

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 12/01/2020 18:15

His wife drove him into the arms of vulnerable women that sell their orifices for a man to stick his dick in. Poor man. Imagine feeling so vulnerable that you need to go out and hand money over to woman so you can fuck her. I’m sure she was every bit as bad as he says. After all, no man would ever blame his wife for his own bad behaviour, would they.

There may be a hint of sarcasm in my post.

Eesha · 12/01/2020 18:16

A friend married a guy who had worked offshore most of his life and only ever saw prostitutes, no relationships at all. Married about 7 years now and happy.

PositiveVibez · 12/01/2020 18:17

Maybe he was young low self esteem, lack of confidence, found it hard to communicate with women?

I think you must have missed the bit that said he was married at the time.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/01/2020 18:18

I had a conversation yesterday with a male colleague which horrified me. Basically he goes to lap dancing clubs and brothels (had suggested taking my DS there on a night out) and I naively assumed he was just your common or garden dirty old man, leching over the girls but nothing more. He freely admitted paying €20-40 for "happy endings" in Prague and even less in our local lap dancing club, and took the piss out of a friend who would accompany them on nights out but not go into any of the private rooms, or would just stay in the reception area if they went to a brothel. He is also married and says his wife thinks he's a womaniser and is unhappy. He laughed at me when I said he was part of the problem and that the women didn't get much out of a rather one sided deal, saying they earned at least €500 a night so were clearly happy in their work.

Anyway I think what I'm saying is that if he was comfortable opening up to me, a woman he works with, about this in a blasé manner (and was dismissive of my shock), then it suggests a casual disregard for women. If you are dating someone like this, I would worry that he similarly didn't give a stuff about the poor woman forced to give hand jobs to keep her job and to survive, which would be a deal breaker for me. To be honest, going with prostitutes at all would be a deal breaker.

maddy68 · 12/01/2020 18:19

I don't know....at least he's been honest and upfront with you

I would definitely make sure he has an sti test though

Geoffreythecat · 12/01/2020 18:19

Any man who thought it acceptable to pay for the use of a - probably vulnerable -woman's body would be kicked into touch by me immediately.

Elandra · 12/01/2020 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilmishap · 12/01/2020 18:20

Kind and intelligent men do not have sex with prostitutes

They also NEVER tell lies and never once thought about one of your mates having a quick bounce on it.
I wish I lived in the world some of you seem to, can you see the big rock candy mountain from your kitchen?

PositiveVibez · 12/01/2020 18:21

A friend married a guy who had worked offshore most of his life and only ever saw prostitutes, no relationships at all

I will hazard a guess that your friend had some kind of male toxicity in her upbringing.

QueenOfTheSavages · 12/01/2020 18:23

Any man who thinks wome are commodities would be a no from me.

Wotrewelookinat · 12/01/2020 18:24

Grim

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2020 18:24

Prostitutes abroad is also worrisome. Where abroad? Somewhere with even less rights and more exploitation maybe? Thailand? Prostitution is pretty much always exploitation but in some places it is even worse.

FlamingoAndJohn · 12/01/2020 18:27

I think a man who sleeps with prostitute probably has little respect for women. I don’t understand how you would want to have sex with someone knowing they did not really want to. I would pass

This.

FramingDevice · 12/01/2020 18:28

@lilmishap, you should really raise your standards for the people you spend time with, if you think that men who would not dream of using prostitutes are a fairytale.

@Beastm0de, do you really need to have the difference between a ONS and renting the use of a woman’s body explained to you? Hmm

KizzyWayfarer · 12/01/2020 18:29

“Also what’s the difference between a ONS and a prostitute? Either way the guy is parting with money.“
What the actual fuck?
The difference is in freely given consent between two equal adults. No, men do not ‘buy’ one night stands. And that any man who uses prostituted women has shown he can enjoy sex not caring that the woman he’s using is almost certainly not.

TheQueef · 12/01/2020 18:30

If ever there was a case of He is telling you what he's like, listen this is it.

KizzyWayfarer · 12/01/2020 18:31

*not enjoying it

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 12/01/2020 18:32

Also what’s the difference between a ONS and a prostitute? Either way the guy is parting with money.

Wow! I haven’t seen the old ‘I’ve bought you a drink, so now you owe me’. Holy fuck, it’s like going to the disco (yes, I’m that old) all over again. Blurgh 🤢

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