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Original poster

Seeing someone who has previously gone to prostitutes

366 replies

VioletVoice · 12/01/2020 16:40

I've not been in this situation before and it does bother me a bit. He and ex wife appeared to have got into a toxic relationship and she cheated with his friends, he went to prostitutes whilst working abroad.

He's quite open about this, they obviously weren't good for each other. 2 children involved but they seem relatively unscathed and he and ex get on fine now.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this though, we're not super serious (and he wouldn't be able to afford it at the moment anyway!) but it does make me feel a bit uneasy. He's been quite upfront really and said it was control as his marriage was crumbling.

OP posts:
IM0GEN · 13/01/2020 00:20

He’s the one that dodged a bullet here... Every guy that’s ever watched porn, gone to a strip club or used sex services has no respect for women? Pft... every guy on the planet has done one of those things

Bingo!

Honeybee85 · 13/01/2020 00:25

It really depends on the circumstances.

It’s quite a difference if he slept with a high class escort who gets paid a lot of money for what she does and probably sees 3 clients per week or if he slept with a poor (possibily addicted) street prostitute who does what she does in order to survive.

But surely it’s not a good sign and a very thorough STD check would be high on my list.

Original poster
VioletVoice · 13/01/2020 00:30

Oh I don't know, he's kicking off now that I've emotionally hurt him. He appears to be terrified of me. I'm not going to hurt him I just wanted to know about any other sexual activity going forward.

OP posts:
Honeybee85 · 13/01/2020 00:34

He’s emotionally blackmailing you for wanting to know something that’s perfectly reasonable.

I would dump him and move on.
Spend your energy on finding a less complicated guy instead of on him!

SmellyBeard · 13/01/2020 00:35

Oh please. He's kicking off because he's realised you aren't happy with the prostituite use and may walk, so he's trying to get you back under his control this way instead. Open your eyes OP.

SmellyBeard · 13/01/2020 00:36

And hanging around to help him with his depression won't work. He needs a professional.

Nojeansplease · 13/01/2020 00:39

Form for toxic relationships and not handling it well

Has he had an std check?

And I’d be really uncomfortable with any man that bought another woman’s body and felt it was acceptable. How sure was he that she wasn’t trafficked? Did he check every one? Even a slight chance is too much of a chance. And so anyone that can disregard this for the sake of a shag isn’t someone for me, personally.

The fact he’s Said it’s about control isn’t really the excuse he thinks it is either, it’s more of a red flag. What sort of control? Cheating on your wife? Disrespecting your wife for revenge? Or using another woman?

Again not for me that, but no judgement on you if you’re comfortable with it.
Sounds like you’re not though

Original poster
VioletVoice · 13/01/2020 00:48

Yes I kicked up a right fuss about testing when he told me so all that was done.

He's really not reacting very well to me questioning him. It needed to be done though so tough. I feel like being a bit evil and texting him back 'could you not find a girlfriend?' (concerned smilie)

I need to take a step back from it tonight as we're text arguing and no good will come from that

OP posts:
Graciebutterfly · 13/01/2020 00:52

He likes to play the victim OP, he has got a box of excuses for his behaviour and then when all is to much he's uncomfortable and depressed.
What sort of man blames a women for seeing prostitutes and she groomed him too as she was older.

I would run run run.

Sultanaofping · 13/01/2020 01:06

It would be over for me regardless of my logical reaction, I could never get past the 'ick' with someone who thinks (or ever thought) it's ok to pay for access to someone's body. There's something really wrong with anyone who can justify that in their head, consent can not be bought.

notangelinajolie · 13/01/2020 01:15

Ewww just gross. Op what are you thinking? A man who uses prostitutes is disgusting and the mere though of it makes me want to puke. No. Just no.

Original poster
VioletVoice · 13/01/2020 01:19

He's texted me a few times since but I can't be bothered to read them and want some sleep/peace. I have actually been a bit nasty and asked if he thought they thought he was attractive. It's just a job.

But can't be bothered with anymore tonight I'll read the texts in the morning. Main thing is that he's evading stating if he'd ever go to a prostitute again, that's unacceptable to me.

Thanks again for helping me through this

OP posts:
ffswhatnext · 13/01/2020 01:57

This reply has been deleted

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MrsTerryPratchett · 13/01/2020 02:22

It's odd how women, who often suffer from low self-esteem, rarely feel the need to pay men to fuck them. I have just before Christmas. Poor exploited man, who make a lot of cash and we both departed very, very, very satisfied. Why? Thought I would give it bash from the other side.

Cool story bro.

ffswhatnext · 13/01/2020 02:27

It's a true story. Why would I make it up?
There are males out there who see only women.
If I can find a way to protect both of our ID's I can even show the booking form lol, providing I can get past the screenshot block. Never mind the review afterwards. Adultwork is an amazing place regardless of what you are into.

Scott72 · 13/01/2020 04:39

So he was too lazy to win over a woman the honest way and had to resort to paying one? Not a good look. And they would all be exploited and/or trafficked, no exceptions.

Original poster
VioletVoice · 13/01/2020 04:59

We're arguing too much about this and I can't sleep. The one thing I need to tell me directly is that this is the past

Christ I'm going to be tired tomorrow (today)

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 13/01/2020 05:43

This is ridiculous, how did you think that a sexual relationship would help his depression? You called it when you said that he wasn’t financially in a position to pay for prostitutes, he’s looking for a cheaper alternative, you.

Stop chasing him and walk away.

StarlightLady · 13/01/2020 06:05

I am not a prude, I do not pretend to subscribe to a monogamous lifestyle and, if the chemistry has been right, l’ve had sex on a first date. But this would be a deal reaker for me.

FlamingoAndJohn · 13/01/2020 06:18

Hookers aren't lesser anything. Those doing it by free choice are legitimately working and even paying taxes.

The fact that you call these women ‘hookers’ all the way through your diatribe makes me think that you do see them as ‘lesser things’.

PositiveVibez · 13/01/2020 06:43

Lots of hookers are doing it because, shock horror, it's something they actually enjoy. Not everyone is coerced into it

Pretty Woman wasn't a documentary you know.

You are absolutely deluded if you believe this.

You really think a well rounded individual who was brought up with a view of healthy male female realtionships, one day decides, 'I'm going to sell my body'.

Doesn't happen.

MotherofKitties · 13/01/2020 07:11

I had a couple of male friends who were in the Navy and Army at the time and mentioned in passing that they'd slept with a prostitute. My opinion of them plummeted immediately. Anyone who uses a prostitute clearly has very little respect for women, and little to no conscience about how that women ended up in that position.

I did at the time ask with some incredulousness; 'why?' And they said it was because everyone else in their squad was, so wanted to 'give it a go'. I was appalled. I'm not friends with them anymore, and I could never consider being in a relationship with a man who I knew had slept with a prostitute.

YasssKween · 13/01/2020 07:25

Also what’s the difference between a ONS and a prostitute? Either way the guy is parting with money.

Ugh. The fact you think a ONS is also a transaction but the money takes the form of drinks bought rather than cash... gross. "What's the difference?" So. So. Much.

You do know women are allowed to enjoy and be equal partners in a ONS? They don't just do it to get a couple of free drinks off a misogynist who thinks that's the going rate for a shag?

I only just realised you are the OP on another thread that makes your comments on here even more ridiculous.

On the other one you've been sulking about women not doing exactly what you want even though you are absolutely in the wrong and caused the situation yourself. That's not a "silly thing" caused by sex. It's selfish and cruel.

Luckily I don't think all men are like that. Just the selfish and cruel ones.

StarlightLady · 13/01/2020 07:25

To add, the beauty of sex, regardless of gender, whether it’s a one night encounter or a celebration of 30 years marriage, is about the chemistry, passion, and the wanting to share you body with another. The lovely thing is knowing the other person wants you. This becomes significantly diluted when the sex becomes a paid for commodity in a similar way to a pizza.

Scott72 · 13/01/2020 07:28

A man should put in the work to make himself more attractive to women.. Paying for it is a lazy shortcut and just wrong.