Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Jane1978xx oh I’m 100% with you there! It is hard sometimes to think of something fun and different to say, but it comes so naturally when I speak to Miss Confusing. Even when I message women on the apps for the first time I try and find something specific to say based on their profile or a photo.

@crazycatlady20 I’m not sure things are different for guys - we (certainly I) suffer from the same anxiety! Assuming you’ve been seeing each other fairly regularly for those 2 months I think it’s a reasonable time frame to ask the question, even more so if you’ve slept together. I’d assume that I was exclusive after that length of time, and it wouldn’t bother me if the woman I was seeing asked the question.

@crazycatlady20 or you could say you aren’t seeing anyone else and see what you get back from him

notcool I think I might just have to grow some balls, accept he doesn’t want what I want (which wouldn’t work anyway) and block him. I was feeling really good about Mr Fact and life in general and in he swoops and confuses me again! Twat

I usually get messages first but I don’t mind sending them

Mr Clean Eating is quiet today. He did text me back this morning but nothing since. Hopefully he’s just busy at work!

@Marlboroandmalbec34

Move on and up! Best that the convo has happened now

@crazycatlady20 Is this the guy you met his family over Christmas? Sorry if I'm confusing you with another poster... If yes, this is causing you a lot of anxiety and that's not good for your MH. You need an answer from him - you may not get the answer you want, but a least you'll be able to move on if you're not happy being in a non exclusive relationship. I'd just say to him "You mentioned the other day that you were messaging someone else. I feel that I'd like to be in a one to one relationship, and if that's not what you're thinking as well then I think we best part ways now". Leave a big pause. Do not fill the silence. Let him speak first. Don't apologise for being needy/clingy/hard work. It is perfectly reasonable to expect that someone you've been seeing (sleeping with?) for 2 months not be looking for other people if that's what you both agree to, so you really need to find out how he feels about it. Unless you're FWB or FB I wouldn't accept it 🤷‍♀️

@crazycatlady20 Eight weeks seems a decent amount of time, especially if you have spent quite a bit of time together. We had been together about that sort of time frame when we became exclusive, I wouldn’t have sex with him until we were, which focused his mind. Eightish weeks is also good to see if you want the same thing, if it’s a no from him then it’s probably time to say goodbye.

@JeSuisPrest yeah sorry it's me. I know ur right. I felt like I done that last week tho so thinking its overkill overkill this week again.Wasnt specific enough tho, then he mentioned the other girl. I know it needs done as when it pops in my head it does bother me.

@Jane1978xx yeah i think it's a bit vague. knowing my luck he'd just say ok cool lol

@TheCatWithTheHat @Welsh36 thanks glad to know I'm not the only one. I dominated the thread yesterday too!

Tonight then, question time then hide from my phone cos I dont want to see or am embarrassed to look at the reply 🙈 anyone else do that? lol

@crazycatlady20 I'm the opposite, send a message then spend the night staring at the phone waiting for a reply while convincing myself that I'm an idiot and nobody will ever want me. Then I get a reply, and all is right with the world until the next time I'm an idiot!

I'm not saying you are an idiot @crazycatlady20 just that I make myself feel like one regularly

No one is an idiot - unless you are actively making yourself unhappy! Then perhaps you need a head wobble 😂

It’s really good to practice time away from your phone too, they are just so accessible and really don’t help anxiety levels

New thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3796423-Dating-thread-181-into-2020-with-finesse-and-strong-boundaries

Sneaking around here too. It doesn't feel good but what other option is there?
@jane1978xx I would tell your dd's dad "it will have to be at x time because I am doing x"

@peanutbuttermouth yeah I’m
Going to say I’m going to the gym so have to be closer to 8 but I’ll come back for 7.30

I can’t sleep out either but I do tell them where I am going they are much older 17 and 15 now

@Menora same ages here. I do sleep out. As long as the eldest is home. They both know where I am. Who I'm with and obvs how to contact me.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 You've said it yourself, you don't want the same things. You can't live on just good sex forget if the rest isn't there. That's what I told myself about Mr SAS and once I deleted his number I felt much better and as though I could move on (which I did, with Mr Ad).

Don't let someone who doesn't know if they want you ruin something potentially good with someone who does.

I would sleep out if local and they were both at home together but often DD1 is at her dads and the youngest is home alone with dog and cat

@Welsh36 lol I prob am an idiot. I constantly check my phone if I've sent general convo but if it's something more serious like this, its like I hide cos I'm embarrassed for asking and not sure how itll be taken.

I have a feeling it wont be the best answer. already feeling sad at the thought of swiping again. overthinking again lol

Quick, someone make a new thread!!

@perfectpretender new one a few posts back

Does this mean

I get to

Close another

Thread?