Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

How do you keep track of who you’re talking to, in respect of remembering which conversation relates to which person? I feel as though I need to keep notes as my menopausal memory isn’t great!!

I met someone last week, and he was slightly shorter than me, and I wasn’t sure because of the height? Anyway, I met him again, and he’s really lovely. We’re so different yet also have a lot in common. When we met again he was very complimentary without being creepy, if you know what I mean? I’ve not had anyone saying I looked great for a long time....but also chatting to a couple of others.
I also don’t know how I can fit any dates it really, my children are teens but I’ve always been around. I tell them not to meet anyone off the internet so would feel a hypocrite if I said I was internet dating.

We all need some Sharon in us 😂

Mr Clean eating is going well thanks, we are persevering through trying to understand each other’s humour 😂. We got a little bit deeper last night about ourselves but not too intense. He does seem like a nice guy

Wow @Menora...he doesn't give up does he? He clearly thinks you are turned on by the stalker-ish behaviour. I mean, who wouldn't be right...?

Great news @shitwithsugaron - glad the date isn't off completely.

I dread going back on the apps if me and Mr Ad don't work out...I've been pretty lucky so far but it's probably only a matter of time!

Mylifestartstoday I always screenshotted important bits of info rather than scrolling up the whole thread, as it's so easy to get them mixed up. I could then refer back next time we spoke.

@menora maybe you need to send him the link to You on Netflix... he's really creepy. You don't want to see him anymore. That's your house. Your reasons are irrelevant.

@Mylifestartstoday I can’t cope with talking to too many people at once 🤦‍♀️ And I couldn’t date more than one as I’d get confused 😂. Like ask them how such an event was and it was someone else 😬. You’ve just got to do it the easiest and least stressful way for you 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm chatting with a Mss Bulgaria atm.

Have done the basic who are you / what do you do type of stuff. I've asked her if she wants to meet. Fingers crossed!

@averageguy - sounds good! Hope she says yes....

@Jane I always got confused, just about little things and have been known to ask the wrong one the wrong question

I have a good memory so have never got in a tangle, but I don’t tend to ask questions as such - prefer to let the convo flow. If I’m struggling to recall something then it’s a sign I’m not that interested in them really 🤷‍♀️

Wow @Menora great reply from you to him...I should remember this approach!

Date update on MrDrWho, we talked on phone on Monday and I discussed with my therapist which was quite enlightening. So it did rather feel on talking I was not getting the right idea at all. So we did go for dinner last night and had the most gorgeous date. No chance of DTD as teens at home so just went out for a drink and dinner then he go train back. He also gave me small but thoughtful gift based on a conversation last week. It was lovely and talked out a lot of stuff. I am a huge over thinker and raiser of numerous flags and am feeling much happier about it all. We have made plans to meet for a few days in Feb and also other dates and he isn't worried at all about not being able to come to my house even though I was a mess of sexual tension when he left.

Fingers crossed @AverageGuy

Re: multi-dating..I've never done it as it wouldn't feel comfortable for me. The closest I got was immediately after Mr SAS ended things and I was chatting to Mr Ad and another person of the same name. I much preferred the chat with Mr Ad but he was shy and too nervous to ask me out so the other guy got in there first. I then asked Mr Ad if he wanted to meet and he said yes but I felt bad and told him I had a date that evening.

Thankfully it was a no anyway with the other guy

Can I join?!?

Separated 14 months and joined Bumble into between Christmas and New Year. Decided to meet Mr Mature for a quick coffee. Had a second date where I went to his. Ended with a kiss. Asked if he wanted to see me again...he said yes but busy this week...doesn’t initiate text conversation...I want to take him at his word but hate feeling I’m more invested than he is...so stressful and this is the first person (previously married for a decade and have never dated!)

Why do guys seem to have in their bios about how tall they are but like they are fed up of being asked? Is it really that big a deal?

It seems weird I guess, but then I'm short so most people are taller than me and it's not a question I'd normally ask

Um how long would you be messaging before one or the other of you suggests meeting?

I’d say if you are messaging for a couple of days suggest a meeting. That may take a little while depending on kids and jobs etc but don’t chat for weeks and weeks it never ends well 🤦‍♀️

I am knitting, watching crime dramas and eating pastel de nata. I am trying to just enjoy this but I feel very guilty and like I should be keeping busy however I think just some time to breathe is a good idea.

I've started self employment. I have a potential client meeting booked. I can take a day or two longer to adjust to all the changes in my life.

Hi Everyone. I have been on this thread before but never kept up with everything. My on-line journey started back in July last year - been divorced a little over 2 years. I have some initial fun first dates. Then dated Mr Scott for 8 weeks - he was wonderful but ended it - and I still can't quite work out why we didn't work and that hurt a lot. Then had a fling with Mr Rugby and he just ghosted me after I'd spent the night with him. Needless to say my confidence is rock bottom.

Since New Year I've gone back onto Tinder have been chatting to seemingly lovely guy, lets call him Mr Mechanic. We arranged a date last this week for this evening and this morning he's cancelled due to apparently very genuine reason.
I'm the sort of person who just naturally trusts others - always take things on face value so now after what happened with Mr Rugby I'm terrified of being taken for a mug. I break rule No 3 every single time!! Was just about to delete Tinder altogether and just now got a match and super like from Mr NewYork so now debating weather to still ditch the whole thing or say hello to Mr New York??

God why is this soo hard!!

HI iamthrough and welcome!

I think that 80% of people OLD aren't particularly genuine or go weird on you so you have to keep trying.

Say hello to Mr New York.

@TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana I’m a guy and don’t list my height on my Tinder profile, but have been asked by a few people. Some taller women seem to only want to date tall guys it seems.

@Menora wow - he really doesn’t want to let go. What an a**e he is. Hopefully you won’t hear back from him again. We all hate being rejected but who in their right mind believes acting like that will persuade you to change your mind!

@iamthrough it is tough at times, I get over invested quickly too, but maybe worth seeing what happens with Mr New York? You never know what might happen, and having another iron will help distract you from feeling anxious about Mr Mechanic. If it was a genuine reason for cancelling then I’m sure he’ll be asking for another date soon.

Thanks Jane knew that you shouldn't build a "relationship" online but only been talking 2 days so thought if I asked it would be too soon/I'd look ripe for mucking about

Oh the tinder thing! I can only get it on desktop due to my ancient phone and I was wondering what the difference between the star,heart and lightning bolts are?

Worrying they all different kinds of likes and I've been super liking everyone I've clicked on!

Not looking forward to being ghosted or getting the inevitable dick pic < not envy!!

Thanks CatWith makes sense!

They seem a little angry about it, which doesn't though.

Quick update from me while I wait for my date tomorrow. I’ve just asked someone else out who I’ve been chatting to on Bumble for a few days so fingers crossed she says yes. It also looks like I have another date arranged for Tuesday.

I also signed up to Hinge last night, and already have 10 matches - a few of which I’ve been chatting to today, so it’s looking a lot more successful than Tinder and Bumble!

Also a question about texting rules - I’ve been giving Miss Confusing some space, but she messaged me on Monday first, after we spoke last on Friday night (she sent the last message then, but was just goodnight). My final reply on Monday didn’t really warrant a reply. So given it’s been 2 days almost is it cool for me to get in touch? I want her to have a bit of space to miss me (hopefully) but not so much she thinks I’ve lost interest.

@catwiththehat I think it's fine to message Miss Confusing now.....it's been 2 days!

@TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana there are some odd people out there! If they’re getting angry about that then I’d hate to see how they handle real life issues! Saying that, I’ve seen a few profiles where women seem to be fed up with guys messaging them “hi, how’s your day” or having the same type of profile pic. I can understand it might be annoying, but not sure why you’d want to put that on your profile - I want mine to be positive and putting across my best side, not my worst!

Awesome name btw

@TheCatWithTheHat well done on the dates. No don't message her. If you are insistent there's interest there let her wait to see if she feels she has missed you. 2 days is nothing.

Some people give you all the heads up you need in the bios - bonus, makes it easier to give them a wide berth! Now I just need to keep a sharp eye for secret bastards!

Ok, nicknames!

Mr Woods, a bit younger, very very my type looks wise, similar tastes so far - he's just messaged me, trying not to message back straight away so on here! I hate this thing about not looking too eager/desperate feels game playing but I know I have to protect myself.

And Mr Mechanic (has that been used, will it confuse people?) they guy I kind of know is at work now so hopefully will hear from him again tonight - less physically attracted to this one but we've had the best banter so far!

Everyone else I've spoken to the conversation has felt clunky and not flowing well and that kind of puts me off.