Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

NoMoreWeepingAndWanking don't feel guilty. You need some time to relax.
I'm self employed and I've learnt to enjoy any free time I get because next week I could be working every hour possible.

Menora your reply was fantastic. I hope that it's the wake up call he needs but somehow I doubt it.

TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana I'm quite tall so I like to know how tall a bloke is because I prefer someone my height or taller.
I would suggest meeting after you've been messaging for a couple of days. I like to know if they actually interested in dating rather than just looking for a penpal.
The blue star on Tinder is superlike. The lightening bolt is boost (I think)

Thanks Echo and thankfully I've just been regular liking folk!

@TheCatWithTheHat just to give you a third conflicting answer I am going to say only message her if you have something to say. I think ‘hello’ ‘how’s your day’ messages can sometimes seem a bit needy and you don’t want to seem needy if you want her to miss you.

TheCatWithTheHat I wouldn't message her. Especially if you haven't really got anything to say other then 'how are you'.
I think you have to let her come to you for now. Answer her messages promptly and show that you are still interested. Hopefully your new matches will be a lot less confusing.

OK - So I did Message Mr New York. Turns out he actually was in New York... apparently there is something wrong with his location on his profile so he appears here in the UK in error!!! for flip sake!! LOL
So Lets hope Mr Mechanic pulls though and I actually get a date there as there is no one else matching with me at the moment - maybe I need to review my profile - but most people say my pictures are decent so can't be much I can do to attract more likes i don't think.

As for the general messaging debate... I don't think there are rules really - not that anyone follows anyway. I think - if you want to message - you should message regardless of how long its been or who messaged last! If you're not sure what to say I guess you can just say something like "thinking about you - do you fancy a chat?"

Anyone feel they are sneaking about a bit dating with ex’s and kids etc. I’m stopping at mr grays tonight as having a few drinks. Dd is with ex but he has to go to work early so has to drop her back to me. He won’t give me exact time 🤦‍♀️. So I’ll need to be back super early or i May say I’m going to the gym at 6 so he’ll have to be after 7.30

do u all start txt convos 50/50? it's been about 2 months, so not sure it's still as relevant, just when I see some of u discussing messages I wondered.

I feel like I start a lot of convos, but looking back I'm not sure I do. we always reply to each other not always immediately but both have kids and stuff. overthinking kicking in again!

I never asked about exclusivitey, maybe I should just to put my mind at rest and see what hes thinking. just think it makes it so serious by asking. would it be weird to just message it out the blue, 1st message of the day? lol

One of the things I’ve liked about Miss Confusing is that despite speaking almost every day for 5 months we never did the “hi, how are you doing/how’s your day?” thing.

She’s actually away on holiday for a week, and there’s plenty we’ve spoken about when she was visiting the same place just before we had our first date that I can start a conversation with, so I have a whole list of fun topics I can chat about

I’ll leave it today and see how I feel tomorrow - will need to get in touch soon anyway to see whether she’s still ok to meet up when she’s back. Just feeling paranoid that she’s met up with an ex over there (she used to live there for a few years) but I keep telling myself she wouldn’t have been in touch on Monday if that was the case, or mentioning thinking about me and her last Friday.

@crazycatlady20 if I hold off yes then it’s 50:50 but I tend to get over keen to share some info or ask a question 😂.

Oh sorr Iamthrough I'll use Mr Bird for the second guy!

Welcome newbies 👋

shitwith that’s a bummer! Yes my date with Mr Fact is Friday. I’m not gonna invite him here before hand. I do like him but I don’t want to put pressure on and there has been zero sex talk so will see what happens. (Cleaning house, changing bed and shaving though in hope!)

Had a long convo with Mr Big last night (I know, I know) he does have feelings for me. we had the most honest chat we have ever had. It still wouldn’t work in a practical sense and he has hurt me too much but it made me very sad. I need to block him but the idea of not having him in my life makes me want to cry. Bloody hell how bored is the thread of hearing about Mr Big!

Mr Fact is gorgeous. He ticks so many boxes. He is defo the better man so I need to forget about Mr Big

sorry even!

@TheCatWithTheHat. I agree with @StealthNinjaMum those how’s your day messages aren’t the best. I used to send them myself a lot 🤦‍♀️. Better is to ask about something they mentioned - like how did your work presention or friends party go. Or remember we were talking about xx I found this a really interesting article and attach.

Aw @Marlboroandmalbec34 I think some people just get under your skin. Mr S certainly did with me. When it ended he was so cold with me I still struggle to put that together with the man I thought I knew and fell for.

@Jane1978xx. Me...I’ve got 2 teenagers and I know they’re wondering where I’m going as I’m normally a home bird. I can’t say online dating because I drum it into them not to meet anyone they don’t know, so I’m a right hypocrite!
They are always at home, ex has nowhere for them to stay, to overnights are out. Also, they think I’m too old for the sex stuff 😂 so I’m very conflicted.
I would like to stay overnight with Mr Short but I doubt I can wangle it

How do you get them out though notcool I feel like if I block and delete I will then mourn. I’ve told him we need to cool the contact. He knows I’ve actually met a guy I like so I half expect he is just reacting to that. Bloody stupid man!

Anyhow I have an unexpected night off from the kids tonight. Not sure what to do with myself!

@Jane1978xx I'm the same but I dont have anything that interesting to say tho lol. just scared I'm boring the hell out of him.

can I ask the guys - would it bother u if a girl asked about exclusivitey after 2 months? I know he doesnt want to rush anything but briefly mentioned messaging someone else so I wanted to clarify things.
how should I broach the subject?

@Mylifestartstoday I always have as many of my daughters friends to stay over when I can so she gets asked back. Maybe that’s a tactic with the teens 😂 pack them off on sleepovers

I have 2 teenage daughters, I’m pretty open with them and tell them I’m going on a date. They never stay at their dads or friends so it’s pretty tricky to sneak around.

Oh I'm definitely sneaking around with Mr G. I'll tell the DC eventually (tho my eldest knows about him I don't tell her a whole lot). I don't want my ex knowing about it at all, frankly, and I don't think it's fair to tell my younger DC and expect them to keep such a big secret.

or should I just say 'btw, I kinda like u and this is what I'm looking for' BUT ive basically already said that a few days ago but didnt mention exclusivity and it was after that he mentioned texting someone else. i know I'm within my rights to ask but dont wanna seem like hard work or like I want to marry him, I'm happy to go slow but just without chatting other folk up. sorry I'm going round in circles. sorry for taking up the thread.

@crazycatlady20 I’m not sure I am interesting 😂. We also watch a lot of films so I’ll mesage to say there’s a new one out or do you fancy this film etc.

@crazycatlady20 I can't really advise you because I've been open that I don't want a relationship so being exclusive isn't really an issue for me. Just wanted to say you aren't alone in going round in circles, I overthink everything. If you scroll back to yesterday I felt like I was dominating the thread about whether to message an iron that had gone quiet so I think we all take turns at it!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 him being so cold helped me. I blocked him at that point. But it had been 6 months since we first finished.