Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

bangheadhere40

Rule 13.

If he's this stingy when he wants to impress you, imagine what it would be like down the line. You'll be only eating out if he has a coupon for the restaurant...

@windmill I don't know if it is his humour and he's trying to be funny. I just said I love how he is so concerned with parking charges.

I hope it is a joke!

@bangheadhere40 that made me chuckle out loud then! It's the sort of the thing that can become an inside joke between the two of you if he is joking!

Looks like a joke 👍

Phew

Omg omg omg omg

After 300 likes I'm chatting to the most beautiful thing !!! Probably a bit out of my league----boxer. 6 pack . Beautiful.

Some one throw a bucket of water over me ....😂 🔥

Hey folks thought I'd join in and hopefully learn some stuff from you lot who have been through the terror that is internet dating already!

Joined 2 sites yesterday and feeling a little overwhelmed by the meat market feel to it all!

Have swerved the most obvious bots/guys out for ONS/age inappropriate and one guy who instantly set my alarms off for being angry within two messages!

I am talking to two guys that seem normal so far, one I kind of know as someone to say hi to from years ago and one guy I've never met but lives not far from my area.

Finding it pretty weird, first time back at dating since separating from STBXH last year.

Hope everyone stays safe and at worst gets an amusing story out of their dating lives!

Mr Moving rang my phone in the early hours
I know this as he text from a different number too saying:

You didnt have to block me . I get the message loud and clear from you .
I dont think I deserved that personally

Then

And very shifty behaviour by you ! Take care I think I will trust my gut with you

. I told him he was being creepy and any further contact I would call the police

He also made an IG account and must have accidentally liked on of my photos as I got a notification that he had, but the like wasn’t there on my photo. So that account got blocked too

FGS

@Welsh36 I wouldn't ask myself. If a man asked me it would make me uncomfortable

@Menora hes got too much time on his hands....remind me why you blocked him? I get confused with the pace on this thread

I blocked a guy who then ranted on WhatsApp to me and told me to leave him alone 🤷‍♀️

@Menora wow he has red flags all over him- definitely a lucky escape- have a feeling he is not someone that anyone would want to be in a relationship with.

Good call to let him know you will be contacting the police if he contacts you again. What a horrible man!

@supercali77 Thanks but as you say, the thread moves so quickly I can't remember what we were talking about!

If it's asking why he hadn't messaged. I did ask, but it came up naturally in the conversation and I was quite breezy. He didn't seem bothered by me asking so all good (until the next time I overthink something!)

@welah36 yeah that was it and fair dos

Mr Moving - he started to become very clingy after a few weeks. We had gone exclusive and he wanted to see me all the time and would get upset when I didn’t fawn over him he kept telling me I was ‘hard to read’ and that I was being stand offish he also kind of wanted an explanation for everything if I didn’t reply or he took something I said the wrong way

When I called him out on it he swung between saying he was sorry and would change to being nasty to me, so I ended up having to block him

@menora oh christ he sounds like hard work. Its interesting isnt jt that rather than spending time asking himself about his own behaviour and its consequences hes decided to ignore your boundaries to tell you how wrong you are for having them.

@menora bloody hell he sounds unhinged. Does he know where you live?

Yes he knows where I live!
I don’t know how to describe him.... very very self obsessed with his own image and my perception of him. He is so convinced that he is a really nice guy. He’s super sensitive and even when he said he knew he had been making some mistakes, he couldn’t help himself but push blame onto me - even though I no longer care who is to blame, it’s over. I was initially really nice to him and said we want different things he just would not let it go and would swing from happy to apologetic to angry again.
Even if I gave him another chance (I won’t) he would never forgive me for this and I would feel really trapped and smothered, but he seems almost panicking to try to get me to change my mind

I don’t get it really. He has no pride

Or too much pride??

I think he was stalking my IG to see if I had met someone else. Well he is only going to find dog photos on there anyway. He’s convinced the only reason I dumped him is someone better came along. Even though I have told him I dumped him because of how he behaved

@Menora is he drunk when he’s messaging you do you think ? I’m sure you’ve already clearly said to him do not contact me again. He’s awful. It seems like you are strong but if he was doing this to someone vulnerable it would be terrifying

He'll never question his own behaviour because as @Menora says, in his mind he's a really nice guy. Most abusive men do- and i dont say that lightly- I genuinely think he has the potential to be abusive.

Menora he sounds similar to Mr Skinny, when I ended it with him he tried to turn things around on me, everything was my fault, I was cold, I didn’t make enough time for him, I didn’t let him meet my kids etc...etc..., luckily once I told him is was over and put him in his place about putting the blame on me, he stopped contacting me. I have had people in the past who didn’t take no for a answer, I still have one stalker now from years ago who keeps popping up and contacting me (I have no worries about him turning up though).