Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I sent this reply also with the calling police message

Just to be really really clear with you - I've not met someone else, I just don't want to date you anymore and it's my right to do that, I don't need to tell you the reasons but the reasons are this kind of behaviour.
I know you looked at my Instagram as you liked one of my photos. Also who calls someone at midnight? It is coming over as creepy and clingy - please stop embarrassing yourself. You are a dad, you would not like a guy harassing one of your daughters this is just not ok at all. It's way over the top for something that lasted a few weeks. If you want to blame me then fine, go ahead but stop bothering me.

@Menora he sounds very much like my STBXH so I'm so glad you got out! It wasn't as obvious when we were younger but as we got older and he didn't mature it became obvious he was very emotionally stunted and still saw things like a stroppy teenager would. By then I was already over invested in him so I put up with it for years but it is so draining!

The hardest bit is when he takes the blame for something but does it in a way that makes me feel like an awful person. He had the affair, but somehow it's my fault?!

So I sent my pic this morning. And what response did I get. A thanks 😂😂

@menora this is my ex too. Had to block him, he was just like this with the abusive messages etc....still is.

@jane as in a saucy pic ? 😅

For those worried about whether the guy you are talking to is using his own photos you can upload the photo to tinyeye and search it.
Www.tinyeye.com

I do this all the time and if the photos are not theirs I call them out on it and report them.

Why do so many men do this?
Do women do it too?

I’m sure women do it too.

bang if he contacts you again go straight to the police. I had to do this a couple of years ago - he knew where I lived and worked, was sending letters, flowers and chocolates - it was awful. He even sent me a message on Pinterest (I didn't know you could!). It stopped for a long time but when I used Kik (for Fab) he messaged me with a new account. I just ignored. He recently sent a message via Skype If he does it again I'm going back to the police. They warned him never to contact me again. They do take it seriously, so don't let him trample all over your boundaries.

menora wow. What a loser.

nomore are you ok?

I think some people just can’t handle any kind of rejection, it’s a control thing and if a relationship is to end they want to be the one that ends it, they want you to be the one at fault as they can’t handle being at fault themselves. He’s a controlling person and your better off out of it. Hopefully he will stay away, if not then follow through with contacting the police (though it takes a lot for them to do anything).

@bangheadhere40 yes 😂 it wasn’t that rude

@menora "your behaviour is shifty I'm going to trust my gut with you" is absolute classic textbook abuser speak. He is trying to paint you as the shifty untrustworthy wrong un - projection, gaslighting and blame in one short sentence. You had an instinct about this one early on - this is why we women should absolutely trust our instincts and teach our daughters to do the same!

He saw me asserting any boundaries or withdrawing from him as shifty behaviour. He will blame this on ‘being cheated on in the past’ but I think that this is just that men like him cannot handle the concept that they are pushing someone away when all they are trying to do is draw them in? Even when I was talking about how I was feeling he kept turning it back to how I had made him feel (rejected)

My ex said he should have trusted his gut too, along with calling me the c word and many other things. Sick of him now.....

The flip flopping about someone’s gut instinct is ridiculous. They didn’t have a bad gut instinct when they wanted to shag you

@shitwithsugaron that is great news about the dates.....and good to get the next one booked in early.

@shitwithsugaron yeah ! Sounds good

Great news shitwith

Whooo Shitwith (Sharon)
I need some of your dating game vibes 😂

@menora how is it going with the clean eating guy? did you arrange to meet?

That was a really good response, Menora

This is more about him and his ego being bruised than anything else. And yes, it IS embarrassing for a grown man with children to be harassing you like this. He'd have a fit if someone was doing the same to his daughters.