Dating thread 180 - Deep thoughts on attachment styles, psychology and love bombing. (Oh my!)

[PerfectPretender]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 very pleased for you! Did you pounce or no need?
@shitwithsugaron congrats on completing all of your divorce, fresh start now for 2020 and sounds like things are going well with MrList (hope I haven't got names mixed up) fingers crossed they continue to do so.

I’ve realised it’s not the distance as such that’s the problem it’s that he has his DS every weekend, I have my DDs 3/4 weekends a month, 90 minute easily for a weekday meet, looks like I have a pen pal for now!!

I think I need to look at no more than 20 minutes away, people who have time during school hours etc narrows the pool significantly!

ant I’m not sure who pounced but oh I really like him!

I’m too scared to date multiple but I seem to be in a situation where it may happen, I’m worried that if I do then I will struggle to choose when things get a bit more serious. Surely if you sleep with one of them you have to drop the others?

I am seriously thinking about deleting the apps.

I heard nothing from Mr Spanners all day yesterday. I'm not messaging him again- we said about meeting Monday and once it goes past Monday evening I'm unmatching/blocking.

Mr Cheekbones did warn me he may have a prior commitment earlier in the week but has asked to meet Wednesday instead. Again this is final chance now- if that is cancelled then I'm unmatching/blocking.

Mr Wings is talking about meeting early this week and possibly tonight when he finishes work.... highly doubt it will happen.

Wtf is wrong with me? I have horribly low self esteem but even I think I look good in my profile pics. I get told I look better in person which is just weird 😂

I think relationships/love life/even casual sex are done for me.

Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness, landed in a very common crisis 😂

Marls so pleased for you!

@Lovemusic33 in terms of multi-dating and sleeping with them, I think many would say yes at that point you need to pick one but I'm sure there's others who would say as long as all parties are aware that you're not exclusive then where's the harm?
Would you dtd with a guy knowing he was also doing it with other women? Just try to treat others as you expect to be treated, but I know from your posting you do anyway 😉

Yay @Marls!

I love Mr Ad but I am an early bird and he is well...not. I am lying here wide awake waiting for him to wake up and I'm so bored as I'm at his and he lives in a house share so don't want to leave his room.

He was bit poorly in the night so I know he needs to sleep but even though I didn't get to sleep until about 2am I just can't sleep any longer 😩

He's not massively into morning sex either (mainly due to being asleep) and I am so I've had to say bye to that 😕

Other than that, all good and no dumping grounds 😂

Book? Phone? I'm quite adept at staying in bed for hours of a morning. @Sunshineandflipflops

Good morning dating gurus..
May I ask for opinions please?
What’s everyone’s thought re asking/being asked to meet up later that day or next day if free? I’m chatting to a couple of potential irons, two since Thursday, one for a week. This weekend is my child free time, then potentially not til 2 weeks time ( unless dd arranges something), if a chat is going on and going well, is it bad form to suggest meeting later/ tomorrow or a bit full on? There are actually a couple of local ones!!

So many good updates/successful dates in here I'm thinking about putting my toe back in. Maybe a slow start with bumble. I'll get cross with it/the men and come off totally again for a few weeks.

@marlbs I can't believe mr Big is finally gone!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I think the dating you are doing is perfect for the stage you are at. When I was first separated I shagged a lot. Why settle for one when you're not ready? It's too early for you still. Keep going. It all sounds like you're doing well. As long as none of them think you're exclusive anyway.

After a bit (quite a long bit admittedly) I got tired of it and that's the point I'm at now. I've turned down sex with some very attractive men because that's all it would be from the outset. But I'm nearly 3 years post split. And my heart wasn't broken.

Not bad form @Undecidedsofa no. A very good idea.

@unambiguousbeard Dome all that! I am
Crap at staying in bed and much prefer to be up and about doing stuff.
I've put his tv on now and he's still dead to the world.

*done

thank you @unambiguousbeard, I'll see how the chat goes /if it carries on, and may just take a deep breath + suggest it :)
and , go on....bumble is calling....

I've done that a few times, @undecidedsofa, and it's been fun!

thank you @PerfectPretender, I am not as confident as I used to be - I need to remind myself that its ok if they say no, I don know them etc..

@shitwithsugaron, what are your plans? Do you know what you're wearing?

I’ve lurked on these threads for a while but I’d like some advice / opinions please?

I split with a ltr middle of last year, went on a few OLD and met a guy I really like, I’ll call him Mr Shot. Been seeing each other for about 3 months, had the exclusive chat and we’re both not on any dating apps etc anymore.

When I see him it’s great, we get along really well, sex is good, both have the same sort of mindset about most things. No Dc, were 23 and 25 respectively so pretty young.

So the advice I’d like is, he is rubbish on his phone! I don’t expect to be texting all day everyday, that would do my head in. But I got 2 texts off him last night, with me replying in between. Last one at 8pm ish, and I haven’t heard from him since. I wouldn’t expect him to text today because I know he’s busy. But it’s not unreasonable is it to expect a goodnight text?

Sometimes it can be nearly 24 hours before I hear from him, it’s been like this for the whole time so nothing new. When I bring this up and say something like ‘it’s like you forget about me’ he says ‘ of course I don’t you know I’m just rubbish on my phone’.

Is this a red flag? If he was really into me would he find 2 mins before he went to bed to text me? Or am I being over sensitive?

undecided no issue at all with meeting v quickly, it can be great fun - like choosing from a chocolate box without reading the menu! Just stay safe 😊

I would go for a jog @Sunshineandflipflops

Sounds like a good date @Marlboroandmalbec34

@Undecidedsofa I like the spur of the moment let's meet, like 'hey I'm free for tea and biscuits/coffee and cake/g&t this afternoon/tomorrow if you want to continue this face to face'.

Hi everyone...I keep missing the boat on the threads, here goes.

MrMaserati ghosted me in November, so those red flags probably well avoided. A few new irons followed and I was beginning to have that conversation with myself 'Does there have to be an initial spark or maybe someone grows on you...?'

Anyway got chatting to MrDrWho in early December, lovely chatter, only to find he lives literally 4 hours away. But also works more locally hence we matched. Felt like it was probably total waste of time but spoke on phone and got on well....my kids went to see their dad for the weekend and I made an off the cuff suggestion he came to see me for a drink...thinking he was at the more local location. Anyway it turns out he was 4 hours away, said to book a restaurant of choice as he doesn't know area, took me out to dinner, came back to my house for a quick cuppa but didn't try to kiss me which I was gutted about if I'm honest. Nearly jumped on him when he sat at piano and played Bohemian Rhapsody...then he drove home 4 hours! Second date met in London for exhibition I've wanted to see for ages. Was just the best day and we had some kisses, mainly lots of excessive giggling And smiling and holding hands. Felt actually giddy. Two days later got the fear about long distance and had a chat saying our inner teenagers prob getting out of hand, so maybe best not to. However, missed chatting and thought sod this, so we arranged date 3 just after new year, in my home town DTD May have happened because couldn't resist while had opportunity of kids being away had the chat, and came off the apps! It's totally bonkers but he really is first person that has given me tummy wobbles and is verrrrrry different and fun even if he does love football. And he's not used to dating as just been married twice so is enjoying all our natter too.

Fourth date is on Tuesday night for dinner in my town he is coming just for eve from the more local place of work. Am giddily excited!

@HairyArsedMan I would but don't have my running gear with me. Must bring it next time!

ps hope it goes well tonight @shitwithsugaron

@Sunshineandflipflops yeah even I reach a point of being desperate to get up. Been awake since 8.30 and still not reached it though. I guess you need to have a plan for future. ExH was like that, like a great fat slug. But it would be forgiveable in someone I loved!