Found texts

[usernametaken2675]

Name changed for this as possibly outing.

So I've found WhatsApp messages on my husbands phone to a female friend.

We have been on the rocks for a while and no longer wear wedding rings.

Friend has known us 10 years and is 15 years younger than 'D'H.

Messages are everyday going back over a year. Many messages a day.

I know they are closer than other people in our friendship group ie interests and hobbies etc.

Messages are everyday subjects to more in-depth conversations.

No mention of I love yous or the like.

Good morning/night messages everyday.

Messages of just 'Xs'

Every message ended with Xxx

Some inappropriate messages about the woman's boobs and his name for them

Other inappropriate and ambiguous statements.

Compliments from both sides.

Bitching about me and her OH.

One even said don't message yet she has my phone.

Arranging to meet for coffees and lunch.

Ridiculous nicknames for each other.

Very unlikely it's got physical.

Is this an affair?? Close friends? And should I call him out?
There are children on both sides so don't want to rock the boat.

She slagged you off too ? What has she been saying ? Disgraceful. Really sorry you've had to find this out, they deserve each other and you can do so much better.

That he doesn't deserve the shit I give him

That he needs to think about him and the kids etc

He must have been so secretive for you to never have noticed!
Obv knows he's doing wrong to hide it

Wow.. So he's making himself out to be some poor hard done by husband 🙄 and you don't deserve the level of disrespect he is showing you. Do you think that if he stopped this and cut her off completely you would want to continue with the marriage ?

@PepsiLola never noticed so think it was when I was not in the room or vice versa. Or he lied about what he was doing.
Didn't even know they had each other's numbers

"Just friends".... that old chestnut!

@Trinity20 I honestly don't know. As much I would like to sort things out. I really don't know if I could trust him. Especially around friends. Wouldn't be able to see female friends with him around etc.

@snowytrees apparently up until September 2018 they were just friends. Then it changed for some reason.
I don't know what the reason was or why feelings changed etc

How did the daily texting start, what did they first say to each other ?
That's very understandable, I have never been in that situation but it's not going to be easy to trust him again, and I know there are other men out there who wouldn't dream of doing that to their wife.
I hope for a good outcome for you, and that better things come your way.

She messaged him for advice on something she was buying (he has experience in the area). Innocent and platonic tbh. No xxx or anything.

And then they never stopped.

Has he ever been out 'working late' 'with friends' or anything ? Anything suspicious ? I'm very interested to see how he tries to worm his way out of it.

This is awful. I would be heartbroken! Im sorry sorry this has happened to you!! Why can't men just work it out or just finish it- why they feel the need to go else were while still in a partnership is behond me! I don't get why they need to do things like this.

Will you comfort him? What are you going to do?

I know that any sign my partner has looked else where I'd be away.

@Trinity20 nope nothing out of the ordinary. But then it's been so long that I'm questioning the last 2 years now.

He mentioned a few times that he would see her in town and grab a coffee with her and then never mentioned it again.

I don't think I can stay tbh. Seems like the nail in the coffin.
I can cope with friendly banter etc
But the inappropriate comments and bitching about me I don't think I can

No i wouldnt be able to forgive this either. Its an emotional affair with extra disrespect thrown in for good measure.
Id send the messages to her husband, pack his bags, tell him it was over then wait for the shitstorm to start.
Stay in the house, make sure you have all the finances you need and keep your head held high Op, you deserve better than this.

I think I'm worried to cause a shit storm due to kids on both sides.

I always thought an emotional affair was declarations of feelings and sexting. I stand corrected

I would definitely send the messages to her husband. He deserves to know the truth as well.
They will try to pass it s a friendship, but it isn't, it's far more than that, at least in their heads.
They will learn that actually reality is a bit different.

They are both seen as generally really lovely people.
Who would be able to convince people it was friendly banter that I threw out of proportion.

I don't think her husband realises tbh

Get the screenshots done and keep them safe.

I would be absolutely livid, what they're doing is disgusting. Where is he now? With her?

I would not be surprised if they've already been physical.

Friends don't end all texts to each other with xxx and certainly don't name each others private parts. Ugh.

Sorry they're doing this.

I’d have to message her and say...

‘Hi Sharon (or whatever her name is). How are George (husband), Sam and Sarah (kiss) and Bob and Barry (Booby’s names)? Hope you’re all really, really well.’

What???? Hes having an affair...some messages were just "xxx"? Kisses? Are you serious? That's not banter. Nor is saying good morning and good night and telling her not to text because YOU have the phone ? That's an affair
Emotional at the very least

Good God. I'd fucking kill my husband .... or divorce him at least.

*kids not kiss - autocorrect 😡

This is an emotional affair with sexual elements:

Secrecy
Constant level of contact, multi-layered conversations, kisses, pet names
Sexual comments, naming OW’s breasts

Degrading comments about spouses
Laughing at you
Meeting up 1:1
Pushing for holiday get-together as excuse to see her

Your H is making a fool of you. He is prioritizing OW and they have developed romantic emotional intimacy. He wants it to go physical and it likely will if they are meeting up. He will minimize and insist that this is friendship, but it is absolutely an affair.

This is all on him and his selfish pursuit of an illicit ego boost. A rough patch does not give him permission to cheat and demean you. I would tell him to leave as a consequence of his betrayal, as you need space to consider your options. I would also tell and show evidence to OW’s DH.

Practical suggestion, it’s easier to film the screen when it’s a lot of messages and scroll through, pausing as you go. Easier than hundreds of individual screenshots.
This is an emotional affair. I’m sorry this has happened to you.

Can you arrange to see the husband face to face?