Found texts

[usernametaken2675]

Name changed for this as possibly outing.

So I've found WhatsApp messages on my husbands phone to a female friend.

We have been on the rocks for a while and no longer wear wedding rings.

Friend has known us 10 years and is 15 years younger than 'D'H.

Messages are everyday going back over a year. Many messages a day.

I know they are closer than other people in our friendship group ie interests and hobbies etc.

Messages are everyday subjects to more in-depth conversations.

No mention of I love yous or the like.

Good morning/night messages everyday.

Messages of just 'Xs'

Every message ended with Xxx

Some inappropriate messages about the woman's boobs and his name for them

Other inappropriate and ambiguous statements.

Compliments from both sides.

Bitching about me and her OH.

One even said don't message yet she has my phone.

Arranging to meet for coffees and lunch.

Ridiculous nicknames for each other.

Very unlikely it's got physical.

Is this an affair?? Close friends? And should I call him out?
There are children on both sides so don't want to rock the boat.

Even the nightly texts would bother me.
That's what you do with a partner, not a pal.

He speaks to her every day, morning and night.
He sends x’s
He arranged for you all to go around , so he could see her.
It’s been going on for months.
They talk intimately.
It’s hidden from you and her husband.
It’s exciting for them.
He’s already given up wearing his wedding ring, so he will have told her, you are having problems.
He’s working up to leaving you to be with her, according to all the things written previously in relationships.
He will deny it all.
Please look up the steps they all go through

Message her and and say " so my husband says he calls your tits (name) eh? How cute!

Sit back and wait.......

@ouch321
They literally follow the format

" Night night ^*Until tomorrow. Xx"

She replies the same

And then he replies "xxxx" and she replies.

Mornings are

Morning *^ xx

And so on

@Muddyfieldsandprimroses thank you. Looking at it like that makes it obvious.

You can just wait for it all to happen, or get in front of it.
There are lots of posts on here, advising you what to do.
You know this is something, or you wouldn’t have posted.

You said it’s being going on over a year.
Could they have met up, does he work late, go away on trips ?

@Muddyfieldsandprimroses the daily messages go back to sept 2018.

He is out during the day.

Don’t base your decisions, on what people on an anonymous forum say.

As soon as you tell him you know, she will know.

You need to have a think about what you want to happen for yourself.

Don’t leave your house.
Be safe, and think about yourself and your children.

@TwentyViginti that would definitely set the cat amongst the pigeons

Thank you. @Muddyfieldsandprimroses luckily I am in a position to be ok.

Thank you.

If you have a close sister, or Mum to confide in, consider that.

Not friends, perhaps, in case they can’t be trusted to say nothing.

Have a think about what you want to do, you might just wait for it to blow over.
Don’t be rushed into rash decisions

I’m pleased you’ll be ok.
Best of luck

The messages go back as far as 2018, and he hasn't even deleted them? It's as if he's not even bothered by the fact that you might see them

@AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet yes that's all I can see.
He usually keeps his phone on him.

This is why I am confused about the relationship between them because it's been going on so long and the same continuous conversation that I suppose it could be seen that it started innocently one day and didn't stop. It's like something clicked on in his head about her.

@TwentyViginti I agree

Life is too short to be beating around the bush! You guys have stopped wearing your wedding rings .. things are rocky ..

Rock the boat and see where you stand, If you are strong enough to face whatever happens don’t waste another minute on someone who does not give a crap about you and your feelings .. ( my assumption)

Gosh! You're better than me! I'd be starting a WhatsApp with him, her and her DH in saying why the eff are you two messaging constantly all day every day.

Then I'd sit back and watch the shit storm.

But the more mature approach would be to discuss with your DH, but if you already have your ring off and are in a bad place, do you want to fix things?

The more I read i more angry I got tbh.

We removed rings due to other factors and I thought we were getting on better and definitely towards putting them back on.

He spoke to me about sorting things and from the messages the same evening they were joking botching about me and sharing some in jokes

@PepsiLola haha it's crossed my mind but I don't have their numbers

I would not be happy about this at all. I fully agree with what others have said, it's disrespectful and there is no need for them to be texting daily ! Putting loads of xxx and slagging you off is just not nice, makes me annoyed just reading it.
Also making up lies that you have his phone and don't like him having female friends ? Sounds like he's trying to get some sort of sympathy from her and find excuses.
I'd get as many screenshots as you can and then get things sorted for yourself and the children, financially and otherwise.
Out them both, she's not your friend i'm sorry.

OP it is an emotional affair.
That has been going on a long time. He's named her tits... sounds like if they're not already physical (probably are though) they want to be.
Sorry you're going through this.

You could discuss it with your husband but whos to say he won't keep doing it or even meet up with her ? Other men are loyal and will not text another woman daily and slag you off behind your back.

@holly40
The naming thing has thrown me the most as he's never acted like that before that I know of.
Up until now everyone saw him as mr moral.

@Trinity20 there has been a lot of sympathy looking. And when she's slagged me off he's agreed.

Planning on screenshooting and sending to my email.

@Trinity20 definitely daily. Even apologises if he hasn't messaged her for a few hours. And tells her if he's busy.

Have never seen him actually message her. So definitely done when I'm not in the room.