Divorcing sulking H - will it happen in 2020?

[jamaisjedors]

So this is my FIFTH thread, and no, I'm still not divorced and probably won't be in 2020 as my exH is refusing to sign the initial papers and so this could drag on until 2021 (2 years after our separation) when I can divorce him without his consent.

First thread from December 2019 after my H ruined my birthday weekend (and 1st anniversay of my dad's death) by giving me the silent treatment all weekend to "punish me" for not being grateful enough for him coming away and buying me a present and a card.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?msgid=84022238

Thanks to some amazing posters I realised that H's behaviour (which was not at all a one-off) was abusive and unacceptable.

I prepared to leave him and got plans in place but got "hoovered" back in by H with promises of joint counselling, individual counselling for him, and regular "date nights". Unfortunately none of that changed the dynamic in our relationship : 2nd thread :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3498886-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking-part2?msgid=85957683

I started a 3rd thread in May when H and I had decided to separate :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3580872-LEAVING-sulking-H?msgid=88239005

and that's when things got nightmarish.

As everyone on here pointed out, the most dangerous time for women is when they decide to leave an abusive partner.

In a nutshell, H went missing, had an acute psychotic episode, was admitted to a psychiatric facility and is still in there now.

Staff at the hospital warned me H could be dangerous for me and advised me to move out asap which I did, in fear for my life.

Fourth thread :
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3637219-DIVORCING-sulking-H?msgid=92845754#92845754

saw me going to court to safeguard the DC through a request for full custody with limited visiting rights.

With the help of my great lawyer we got the decision we wanted from the judge but the battle never ends over every little thing - schools, activities, money...

Now I am at the stage of entering financial negotiations with exH through lawyers and solicitors plus he has appealed the judge's initial decision so we have to go back to court in mid-February.

Fun start to the New Year which is why, a whole year on, I still need the support and advice of all of those who've been through similar situations or who are just naturally wise !

I have also come a very long way this year.

Leaving a controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive relationship was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Actually NO, the hardest thing I ever did was STAY in that relationship so long in a bid to keep our family together and make it work.

I'd love to think that by sharing this journey on here it might help others who are doubting their strength and capacity to leave - my life is a million times better now although I still have a lot of healing to do.

Interesting, yes he definitely COULD ask his psychiatrist to write at least something short with regard to the medication and lack of risk to the DC...

and then we could proceed to overnights.

So either he can't... or he won't... whatever the motivation (worrying about his mental health, easier for him to be able to go to bed at 9.30pm without dealing with the DC, messing with my social life, being a victim of his vicious ex ...).

Will sit tight now and wait. An 8PM curfew is looking likely here in France so that means the DC returning at 9pm will make NO difference to my (non-existant in lockdown) social life anyway.

I think I'm going to need a new thread for the new year - this one has lasted all year which shows that things were a lot calmer this year.

I will start a new one over the holidays because I'm sure you're all DYING to know whether 2021 will bring a divorce and a proper custody arrangement in the jamais household !

Interesting how men in this position see having their own children as putting themselves out to do their wives some kind of favour. (Not actually experiencing genuine pleasure or enjoyment from the company of their kids or anything. Obviously don’t miss them too much!)

@justilou1this is so true.
my ex once had a screaming fit at me in a cash and carry when he happened upon me in there, buying the bits and pieces that I needed for DDs birthday party. He thought I was at college that morning and he was due to collect DD at lunchtime.

He said 'Im not babysitting so that you can go shopping' and said he was not going to collect her.

I shouted 'Its not babysitting when its your own child, and its supposed to be because you want to see her, not doing me a favour'

there was alot of tutting going on

arse didnt pick her up though (and I only ever had him pick her up from nursery as he would inevitably fail to show up on time if it was from the house, and then eventually he wasnt allowed to collect from nursery either because he frightened the staff)

Men like that are such wankers. A friend of mine put it well - "he views his daughter as a problem to be managed, rather than a great little person to spend time with."

And seeing their ex-wife having freedom to do whatever they want drives them demented.

Hello @jamaisjedors - hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Happy Christmas 🎄

Just wanted to wish you a peaceful lovely calm non sulky Christmas. Fingers crossed for divorce in 2021.

Can you imagine the biggest, International Divorce Party held by mumsnet in 2021? Might just be the final nail in sulkypants’ coffin.

Could we do it by Zoom?

Ah merry Christmas everyone !!!!

Totally up for the zoom divorce party

Merry Christmas all!! 8 sleeps to go!!

Noel - No Hell - 🤩

My divorce came through a year ago. I never did manage to celebrate it! Each day of lockdown without him here feels a celebration though!!

Well it can be a combined divorce party for anyone who wants to join in @Daftapath

Plenty of happy divorcees on the threads !

@Sicario

Men like that are such wankers. A friend of mine put it well - "he views his daughter as a problem to be managed, rather than a great little person to spend time with."

And seeing their ex-wife having freedom to do whatever they want drives them demented.

Hello @jamaisjedors - hope you have a fantastic weekend!

And sadly, it's something that often stops women from separating from wankers. Because they dread the 50:50 part with the children, probably knowing wanker won't have a clue.

Oftentimes the wanker has never pulled their weight with the children and when they suddenly have the children on their own, it's not at all what they want.
It dwindles quickly, from 50:50, I'm sure, in many cases.

Can married people attend a zoom divorce party if they (just sometimes) wish they were divorced?

I would be fantasizing about late-onset peanut-induced anaphylaxis, @AcrossthePond55

Mine was 17 years ago and Im still celebrating

@justilou1

I would be fantasizing about late-onset peanut-induced anaphylaxis, *@AcrossthePond55*

@justilou1

I would be fantasizing about late-onset peanut-induced anaphylaxis, *@AcrossthePond55*

I was thinking more of 'accidental' defenestration.

That would do too @AcrossthPond55 🖼🪟🖼🪟🖼

@jamaisjedors You're going to need another thread - number SIX - which is kind of insane.a bit like your STBXH.

Will it be thread 6 😱

How are things in your area of France regarding Covid?

Happy New Year!!

Perhaps 2021 will be the year of the divorce (finally)!

Happy new year @jamaisjedors. I do hope this is the year to bring you peace of mind and endless happiness. 🥳

Happy new year everyone ! This thread did me all of last year, so here is the new one :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4125147-Divorcing-sulking-DH-it-WILL-happen-in-2021?watched=1

Am starting the year in a very positive frame of mind, doing 30 days of yoga with Adriene, a 6.15am yoga challenge with my own yoga teacher, and a relationship with Mr DJ which is bringing me a lot of joy and ZERO stress.

Hope 2021 is positive and joyful for all.