Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

I've just taken a few of the tests, and one put me as Anxious, two as mostly secure with a bit of anxious. Which fits well with how I perceive myself in relationships.

Thanks. It’s my health really. I’ve got to have an endoscopy and I’ve been ill and I really need to get a grip and start being healthier

@PerfectPretender tbf I'm no better- I'm so unimaginative- or maybe I'm just too relaxed at the pub 😂

Ok how do I get the conversation to sex without sounding like a dirty old woman who's just gagging for it despite that being the truth

Same here @PerfectPretender in my younger days I was definitely insecure and attracting avoidant. I've worked really hard on becoming secure but can now sometimes be avoidant. So yes it has changed as I've got older for me too

The bit of that quiz about my parents made me laugh

DM was over in the dismissive section and DF was over in the fearful

I literally have zero meaningful relationship with them and I have no one to rely on and almost afraid to ever rely on anyone. Trying to work out how the hell to get home from my Endoscopy if I had sedation. I really want sedation but won’t ask anyone to help (family cannot) as I won’t ask for help. So I know I will end up going by myself like I do everything else then having some traumatic experience without sedation where I then hate humans even more 😂😂

I’ve had to go for pretty much a whole host of horrible experiences all by myself over the years and learnt not to rely on DM she is the worst. I had my wisdom teeth all out once, planned Under GA (and it went wrong) and I was very ill afterwards. She was so horrible and unhelpful ‘looking after me’ I ended up dragging DC home the day after my GA they were only like 8 or 9 and they ended up having to look after me. Then she cried I had been horrible to her
I also went for a termination alone and ended up having no choice but to have it with zero pain relief or sedation as I had to drive myself home after (30 miles!)

@Menora so sorry you've had to deal with so much without support. That's truly shit. You're very tough, getting through all that 💐

I dont know how I'm going to sleep ... mr perfect is coming tomorrow and just called me to tell take me on holiday, pinching myself because it can't be real. Is there such a thing???

Oh @Menora, that's so tough. I hope this upcoming procedure goes well. Fwiw I understand completely the desire to do everything on your own. When people closest to us disappoint us regularly, it's a completely normal reaction.

shitwith I'm so pleased you've felt like this with someone after mr b. I think some of us (me also) fall for the sunk cost fallacy....you've put in a certain amount of effort so you keep plugging away wondering if it's just you. X

I think it’s very common for single parents to end up feeling this way. I’m not resentful to be honest just realistic

The last time I had surgery my RS broke down very fast as looking after me I felt so vulnerable and it showed his true colours. He was supposed to stay with me 24 hours and he went out for hours left me alone then made me cry when I asked for help with something and he was mean to me about it. That was my last serious RS of 18 months.

DD1 is also mean to me when I am unwell

@menora i hope everything goes ok and things get better for you.

@Menora you sound like a very strong woman.

I am so very lucky that I have both of my parents who would and do do anything for me. I try not to rely on them too much but I'm honesty, I couldn't have got through the last 2 years without them.

I also have a really solid, long standing group of friends who are angels. I don't like to put on them too much as they are all coupled up with families and don't really fully understand some of the things I go through (hence MN I guess) but they try and that's the main thing.

I don’t even like to ask my friends to be honest. I have one I can ask without stressing over it but I told my boss today about it and she insisted she would help me. She is an emotionless robot so it’s actually easier to just let her 😂

It’s probably another thread not this one sorry!!

I'm glad you have someone to help you. I want to help you and I have spent all day in an emotional hole.

In other news Mr Hong Kong and I are going to have a business meeting over wine to discuss potentially working together! Not the kind of partnership either of us were necessarily looking for on tinder but there's a definite potential so we'll see lol

Completely understand where you're coming from @Menora I've had two periods of being long term single five years in my early thirties and now three and a half years in my mid forties and this time it's definitely been harder. This time around the dates have been few and far between last time around I was going on loads of dates. I used to be able to lean on my parents more too this time around they are older and I don't want to bother or worry them. My friends do their best but they can't give me the emotional or practical support a partner would. It's stressful and I do find myself crying sometimes from the stress and sometimes even at work which ain't great. It's hard when it seems like most other women have a partner and you don't get why you don't! Hopefully all of us who want a partner will meet the right person for us soon or succeed in moving things forward with people we've already met and think could be the right one for us!

@Menora, that made me very sad to read. My parents or rather my mum does help me but she is getting older and can do less and less. It's tough when you only have yourself to rely on and some of your experiences sound horrific to hI just want to give you a hug.

My date went very well, I like him a lot and he was very vocal that the feeling was mutual so let's see if that translates into a second date!

Sorry y’all 😂

And thanks
An unfortunate consequence is dumping my emotional baggage on the people of MN haha

As I have got older I have just realised how awful my parents are but it makes me love my children more

Quick question, how far too far, chatting to a lovely iron but he’s 70 miles away, that’s too far, right?

New to dating, chatting to couple of guys.. both happen to "work away" "go
on work trips". Should alarm bells ring?
Is this a signal for "I'm not available that much, things have to on my terms?"

I'd say so yes. 70 miles is quite a way to travel

Mr G lives 4,000 miles away 😂😂😂

@azura2019

Not necessarily, could mean they are senior

@stuckinarut70

70 miles is fine ... distance is but a number. I'm finding twice that just about ok but tough if I can't see him at the weekend because weekday meet ups aren't possible

Dump away @Menora it's great that we do have each other to talk to on here @Azura2019 I think them not being available as much and wanting a relationship on their own terms is inevitable when you're older and still dating, but it works both ways, I would say that describes my attitude to dating now too!