Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to make of this after a date? Is it usual or should I move on?

290 replies

user63212 · 02/01/2020 21:34

On New years day I went on a first date with someone I had been chatting to for 2 weeks via Tinder. For background, i've been on a lot of dates in the last year and although they men all seem to think they go well, i am rarely interested. I go on second and third dates but im never bothered and I just move on to the next.

so we met at a bar in london, at his suggestion. we got a drink, then he suggested going for lunch. he insisted on paying for lunch even when I said let's go halves (he earns well and it wasnt expensive, so maybe just didnt matter to him and it wasnt an indication he liked me). i also earn well, we both work in the city. he then asked if i wanted to go for coffee somewhere else. i said yes. we had coffee, he paid while i was in the loo. we left and he walked me to my tube line, which was about twenty mins in the opposite direction for him.

after the date, i text to say thanks and that i had a nice time. he replied saying he had a great time too and that he had just got home. i replied saying i hope his journey was ok.

ive heard nothing since. this is entirely new to me because usually im never waiting in anticipation for a message. i dont usually think about second dates as inevitably they text me at some point and there is then suggestion of another date! on the date i was a little bit casual i think...as soon as i started to realised i actually felt something, i panicked a bit and tried to come across very relaxed (i realise this is silly!). he asked about dates in the past and i think i had said something like a lot of people want to go quite fast when online dating and it takes me a while to be sure about wanting to progress things with someone. this had been true when i said it...but by the end of the date is certainly wasnt true anymore as i was pretty definite in my mind that i wanted to see him again.

he did say he finds it hard to turn someone down after a first date and that he's been on many second dates when he wasnt interested just because he didnt want to upset someone!! i joked about this on the date and when he suggested the post lunch coffee, i said was this him trying not to let me down quickly...he laughed and said it certainly wasnt the case here.

im clearly over analysing this and it is a taste of my own medicine i suppose as i usually dont have a care in the world after a date and almost everytime i am contacted. i thought the date had gone well but im surprised he;s not contacted me again? i sound crazy and im not, honest!!! im just new to this feeling... part of me thinks the old rule of "if a man likes you he lets you know" applies and so i should just forget this now?

OP posts:
zoobincan · 03/01/2020 15:03

Not sure why there is a random 'impressed' in my sentence Blush

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/01/2020 15:03

You're changing the order of the conversation. I'm confused.

HoneysuckleSpeck · 03/01/2020 15:04

It’s all very muddled 😏

user63212 · 03/01/2020 15:05

sorry. i typed in a rush when he text back.

i said how about a drink tomorrow night (sat).

he said umm thanks but im not sure youre right for me.

i just said ok.

then i had the text saying he was living with his wife but separated.

OP posts:
user63212 · 03/01/2020 15:07

he said he wanted to tell me on the date and should have...i then said im obviously not sure about a second date in light of that. then he said well like i say i wasnt sure about you snyway.

ive not replied.

OP posts:
Cohle · 03/01/2020 15:08

He sounds like a dick.

His relationship status is clearly complicated at best and his retaliation was childish and unkind.

Don't let this put you off dating though OP. I' sure there is a lovely man out there for you.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 03/01/2020 15:08

I'm still living with my ex-husband, and I'm dating. Not everything is as it seems.

But I think this is all a red herring, and I refer you to my response of about 10 minutes ago.

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2020 15:10

Well I'm not sure why you'd text you weren't sure about a second date when he had just responded to yoh asking him with I'm not sure you're right for me, which is clearly a no thanks.

Either way, forget it and move on.

APatchyTomCat · 03/01/2020 15:13

he said umm thanks but im not sure youre right for me.

i just said ok.

I thought he’d said yes but he should have told you he was married?! Confused

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2020 15:13

It's all got a bit mixed up.,

Daftapath · 03/01/2020 15:13

What an arse! I wouldn't bother to reply. There is no response required.

Op, I had a friend's husband make a pass at me at their house couple of days ago. These things are really upsetting (and it's made me very angry) and leave a horrible taste but I do know that not all men are like that. Don't let his actions mean that much to you. You did nothing wrong

zoobincan · 03/01/2020 15:15

isaid how about a drink tomorrow night (sat).

he said umm thanks but im not sure youre right for me.

i just said ok.

then i had the text saying he was living with his wife but separated.

This is the opposite of the way you told it above Confused

goatbame · 03/01/2020 15:16

What a total cunt. Angry

Don't despair. I had resigned myself to a life alone and being childless then met dh at 36, got married, moved to the States and had a baby all in a year!

zoobincan · 03/01/2020 15:16

he said he wanted to tell me on the date and should have...i then said im obviously not sure about a second date in light of that. then he said well like i say i wasnt sure about you snyway.

This is back the original way round.

I'm so confused

hellsbellsmelons · 03/01/2020 15:17

He's married. He is still firmly with his wife.
He can't go out on a Saturday as it's a 'family' day!
Block him now and move on.
Well done on finding all this out so quickly.

Icanflyhigh · 03/01/2020 15:18

Be thankful you found out now he is married.

I was still married when I met DP. Separated for 2 years and living alone with 3DC at the grand old age of 36.
He knew I was still married as I told him straight away, but he also knew I had started divorce proceedings. We met in the April and the divorce came through on ExHs birthday in July.

DP and I are getting married THIS year!!!

So don't give up, there are still good and amazing men out there x

holly40 · 03/01/2020 15:31

separated, living together, not divorced

Crikey. I wonder if his wife is aware of their separation!

Lucky escape, he sounds like a wanker.
Perhaps stay off Tinder, there must be better dating apps?

OceanSunFish · 03/01/2020 15:33

OP, before you give up on dating remember that lots of guys did want to see you again after the first date. Don't worry about one idiot.

user63212 · 03/01/2020 15:35

they did but the one i liked didnt AND was married.

i know i need to just forget it now. i keep thinking it is my age or my looks or maybe i said something offensive.

OP posts:
user63212 · 03/01/2020 15:37

im actually more bothered he said that than the fact hes married! at least then i could have thought well i domt want to get tangled up in that. now im left wondering whats wrong with me and also how can i trust anyone again when you think they are having a nice time!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/01/2020 15:38

This all seems a bit extreme,

Zoflorabore · 03/01/2020 15:39

Hope his dick falls off op.

You will meet your prince. Just got to wade through the bloody frogs first.

P999 · 03/01/2020 15:42

Oh my god. Do NOT make it about your age and looks. First, 35 is young. Yes it is. Second, what a childish twat. That's the response of a 12 year old. Laugh it off. He's a wanker. There are loads. I spent 15 years with my manchild. Be grateful it was 1 date only! Send him a nappy emoji if you can find one. What a fuckwit. Please laugh at what a clock he's turned out to be. And very little lost! We've all been fooled by bobs like him. It should be a big fat so what, and don't, for God's sakes make it about your age or looks. I bet your gorgeous. He's just peeved. And a wanker. Feel sorry for the exW!

P999 · 03/01/2020 15:43

Cock. Not clock!

user63212 · 03/01/2020 15:44

im not gorgeous, id say about average. it has massively knocked my confidence because he seemed very into it when we met. so either im getting uglier by the day or i have something unappealing in my personality

OP posts: