Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Menora Mr Ad woke me up for snoring last night 😳
I have a horrible cold to be fair and he is now still fast asleep next to me snoring so I don't feel too bad 😂

I think if there are this many nibbles already, you need to get rid. The lager thing is a bit odd. It would be different if he were bringing a bottle of wine to share with you but a 4 pack for himself..?!

*niggles, not nibbles!

He did ask me what I wanted from the shop, but I don’t drink every night and I don’t drink much in one sitting. We had been out the night before to the pub and missed dinner as too late, and I got drunk on 3 small glasses of Prosecco. I then had the last half of his pint and realised I was drunk so booked a taxi and immediately went home. I was half awake with a migraine all night the night before and felt rank all day. I’ve told him that alcohol and me don’t go well together. Then he drank 4 beers and snored all night so I have had 2 nights very bad sleep

I feel physically unwell today, I don’t know if it’s my asthma but I am very jittery and feel palpitations and mucusy

@Menora Have a relaxing you day and think about what you are getting out of this ...

@bangheadhere40.. Be honest otherwise you are wasting your time and it may hurt him more to be faded out ..A mate of mine had 6 dates and the guy just blocked her and it destroyed her.. Wish him well and praise something about him.. Good luck . . ..

@cookie, okay that's right yes. That must have been awful for your friend ☹

@menora You say he'll be crushed if you end it. He will get over it, no matter how extreme his initial reaction is.

I don't know what to do atm.

There's probably the prospect of casual/fwb with a couple of irons but I don't think more than that.

The thing is there's no one that seems to want more. No one I'm matching with anyway. It feels like either way it's settling- settling for FWB or matching with someone who seems interested in more but who I'm not so attracted to.

Basically the fit ones just want a shag 😂

I'm regretting wasting so much time on FWB, and then when I wonder if he knew how I felt why did he carry it on for so long. Makes me cross with him which is probably a good thing tbh.

Anyway I'm wondering to try fwb with a couple of them... I'm so boooored and it'd be something to do.

@menora, I think you have to end it, it will just get worse.

@leave...I can't do fwb. If I dont like them there's no point having sex, and if I do I would want more, so lose lose really. Works for some though.

@shitwithsugaron it's definitely dangerous....

@bangheadhere40 I don't know if FWB is for me either. It was wrong to continue it with my FWB before because I knew I really liked him and it went on for 5 months the second time so the feeling just got stronger and stronger. But then when I first saw him for a month earlier in the year it was never agreed as casual- it was 'seeing' eachother (early stages obvs) but I never held back from liking him because it wasn't ever meant to just be friends....

So I've matched with a lad on tinder who I've matched with a couple of times in the past. He's nice looking, tall, fit body, and seems a decent lad really. He's upfront about not wanting a relationship. I'm very tempted to suggest a drink.... I think he would be low hassle and fun and maybe if the rules are in place up front then it might be good?

@ leave, what happened in the end? I have a potential one but I'm not getting into it as I can see I would like him.

@shitwithsugaron, @bangheadhere40 I was devilspedicure before my name change so I don't want to bore you about my FWB (welsh 22 yr old ring any bells 😂)

@shitwithsugaron I'd probably like more of a relationship but it just doesn't seem to exist, irons that want that don't exist. And it's no good having nothing to do all the bloody time the kids aren't with me and I hate living like a nun.

I've never really given FWB a proper go tbf. I mean My FWB was basically a boyfriend really, we were so intertwined in each others lives on a daily basis and I never wanted FWB with him- I knew after the initial month seeing him I really liked him. It was always going to have a bad outcome for me.

Ugh. Swiping through Tinder this morning and stumbled across DDs dads profile.
Couldn't give a shiny shit that he's dating, I broke it off with the abusive prick while I was in the early weeks of pregnancy 8 years ago. I'm just astounded that someone can put more effort into dating than they can into parenting. He's not seen the kid once in the past 4 years. It's put me in a foul mood this morning.

@shitwithsugaron that's what I wonder, can I do it without the feeling involved? I don't know the answer to that one really. I got feelings for the welsh lad because it didn't start as FWB so I never held back and then when he got back in touch I was so happy.

That should have been a warning sign at that point- I had just started seeing a really nice Italian guy who was fit, lived nearby, really nice. I stopped seeing him instantly when the welsh lad got back in touch. I always liked him too much and totally followed my heart not my head.

@shitwithsugaron I'm 31 yes 😂

I've had so much more fun with the guys in their 20s though. I was thinking about it and I think part of it is to do with having been married to an older abusive husband- I've gone for the opposite if that makes sense? ... it's like the power balance felt so much more equal with FWB- although that's probably just to do with him being a decent person unlike ex.

@shitwithsugaron yeah I get that too. I've found a fair few guys in their 30s who haven't particularly got their shot together though as well...

FWB was a bit of a nomad- sleeping at his mums on the weekend and digs for work in the week. Emotionally mature and tbh pretty damn good to me but without it ever becoming a relationship. It's bloody hard because he was so damn perfect- for me anyway. I liked everything about him and his attitude on things. It's always the way isn't it. He will forever be my one who got away.

I've needed the fun aspect of things too. I've found older guys just dull! But then I'm pretty immature 😂 I've kind of reverted back to how I was at 18. I think I've done it to distract myself from all the serious adulting to be done- divorce, kids etc.

@shitwithsugaron it's not pathetic at all. It's hard being away from the DC so you at least want to be able to enjoy it- dvd when you're lonely with nothing to do it's a bit grim sometimes.

I think the thing is Ive found the immature or weird behaviour of older guys even more irritating. They like to think they've got their shit together but they haven't. The younger guys have been far more carefree, not clingy, more respectful, more fun. They make no bones about the fact they are young and want to have a good time. I'm really childish but I loved all the daft stuff FWB would get up to with his mates and seeing it on Snapchat. He was so full of fun it was nice to be around.

I can't do serious, sober, cold. I need warmth and someone who is funny without trying.