Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh no Salty
Bang he sounds like a real dick - fade him out for sure. Just avoid committing to a date and make yourself seem flakey 😂

Mr Moving has already left 😂
My complaints about his incessant snoring and my face must have scared him off - shame! Also if he tells me ‘he’s a boxer’ once more I will scream. He isn’t a bloody boxer he has done it as a hobby in the past, doesn’t make him a boxer. Says he has a blocked up nose. No he has sleep apnoea - I could hear him stop breathing!

Why can’t he just be a FWB? That would suit me so much more.

Going to have to get rid of this one

He really is a nice guy. This is a lot about me and my tolerance levels. Some years back I would have loved someone so overly attentive. I’ve changed 😂

I recognised he was having a shit Christmas and that it had left him a bit needy, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He’s got some bad habits I don’t know if I could live with long term but I can see that he is a means well person and I have been trying to weigh up whether this is something I can learn to love or will learn to hate

I suppose I am hesitant as he is a lovely bloke and we do have good sex. I wish he wasn’t so emotionally involved as he’s quite fun and this would be just great fun.

Thanks @Dawsoncreek . I've signed up for Happn but it seems so confusing! I've tried Hinge previously, I may give it a go again. I wonder if I should try eharmony or something

@Menora i think you should let him go and find someone who suits you more. Or tell him you see him more casually. You seem very critical of him already whereas if you read some of the other posters here, they are so much more positive about their irons. I'd hate to be described like that and would much rather be told the truth.

I really don’t want to crush him - he will make someone else a very nice boyfriend. I’m not going to be mean to him I do think well of him even though I have complained here. Maybe a younger woman. He is lovely and means well. These niggles are my issues. Someone else might not have a problem with them. I feel bad I am critical of him - he’s left an empty can of lager in my bedroom FGS though 😂 I am not 22 anymore. I can’t help wishing away the stuff I don’t like and keeping the other stuff. I’ve seen him 3 or 4 times a week since we met and it’s been overwhelming

When he woke up this morning he said you ok? I said ‘yeah but you did snore all night and it kept me awake. I tried to roll you over a few times but you kept rolling onto you back’. He said ‘I’m a boxer you should have just punched me’ also ‘I never snore that’s so unusual’ but he brought 4 cans of lager round to my house yesterday and drank them all then snored all night. I did not have the heart or energy to go on at him about the fact the lager was probably why he snored and I will become a Nag if I am his girlfriend and I don’t want to be that person

@Menora it doesn't sound positive if you already have these complaints now. Remember: the things you just 'put up' with now, will be the reason you break up in the future.

Would it be cruel to back out of the date by saying I can't get childcare, then just fade away slowly? Or should I tell him the truth, I can't date you because you look like my brother.

@Menora maybe you’ve seen him too much so these ‘buts’ and ‘icks’ are coming through before you have had time to get to know him and like him as a person to counteract. He shouldn’t be drinking every time either and things should be fun and light. Do you get excited to see him ?

We have a laugh when we see each other. I like seeing him, not sure if I am excited.. If this was casual FWB it would be great. But I know that’s not what he wants.

We see each other way way too much. It’s gone from date 1 which was one of the best dates I’ve ever had to me feeling like a nagging wife in 5 weeks! He’s around me too much and getting on my nerves. If we aren’t together he likes to talk on the phone every day too

It is so hard to explain. We have a lot to talk about. Never awkward silences. We laugh. We like loads of the same things. He works hard and is a good person. We seem to be good at the intimacy part of things. But I do feel a bit like he’s 10 years younger than me (he is 3 years younger)

He tries too hard sometimes (like with the boxing comments) and the daily lager drinking is him being a Lad.

If I said stop drinking he would do it immediately to make me happy
He already doesn’t smoke around me because I don’t smoke

@CheesecakeAddict

If you are really sure you don’t want to go then you could say no childcare and then fade out
Or you could make it funny and say to him look you are a great guy but you look so similar to my brother I am slightly weirded out. Sorry!

@menora Which rule is it about the things that annoy you now but you ignore will be the reasons you break up in the end?

@cheesecakeaddict I'd say you look the spit of my brother, so I'm not going to date you! Nothing insulting about that and it's true.

@CheesecakeAddict that phone call was really like a first date so you can say to him I don’t think you are good match etc

Rule 13!

I have worked out what I am doing
I am waiting for a ‘big thing’ to happen so I can walk away. This is what I have always done. But there is no big thing they are all little things. I don’t know why I do this. I find it hard to walk away from little things even though that’s what I want to do. It doesn’t help that my family are always saying I am too critical so this puts me into a place where I try to hide things that bother me

@Menora OK I've cancelled. I feel like such a bitch but I have to keep telling myself this is how I ended up in an unhappy marriage - just going along with the relationship because I didn't want to upset them. I've got issues

@CheesecakeAddict

Just worked out I am doing the same thing 😂

Ok is this years of being told you are too sensitive? That your feelings don’t matter? To put up and shut up? I feel like I know my own mind but I am not good at speaking it.

I’m also really weak at this at work. I hate giving people bad news or talking to them about things they have done wrong. I am so soft in my approach I always end up apologising to them for having to have the conversation. Which means I am easily manipulated as people get angry or upset and I then want to back down. I’m hugely conflict avoidant and tend to then go in hard when I am actually cross and they have gone too far. I had to tell someone they couldn’t have their AL at work recently and it was such a horrible conversation I hated it

Sex pirates are good. Shaggers are bad (unless you’re looking for casual of course)

menora you defo need to break it off!

shitwith you should defo go to the pub on your own. Just take a book.

I feel really down today. I miss messaging Mr Big already. We were supposed to see each other on NYE and now I have no plans and the kids are with their dad. I do have irons but none of them seem to have much banter or be flirty.

I always use my real name and if I have a good pic it will be on my social media too but I have my privacy locked down

I feel a bitch too but it's so easy to get dragged into things you don't want.

I've chickened out of doing it yet though.

I might just be flakey

@menora use this as your time to practise! You owe this man absolutely nothing (in fact didn't you counsel him on christmas day?! In which case he owes you 😂) prepare yourself mentally, take a deep breath and break up with him for whatever reason you want.