I'm pregnant & husband called me a fucking bitch for not going to his father's funeral

[allisonjade]

I'm 5 months pregnant, very difficult pregnancy (lost a twin at 14 weeks, had a hematoma so been on bed rest and working from home). My husband's father passed away last Friday and today is his funeral. It's out of town and as much as I would have loved to be at my husband's side during this difficult time, I chose to stay at home. I had an amniocentesis done on Monday, and just can't take the risk of losing another baby.

He has sent me a string of messages since last night saying that it's unacceptable that I'm not there, that I'm selfish, that I'm not the person he thought I was, that there will be consequences on my decision (that when our child is born, he doesn't even want my mother to see her and that he won't hold back on criticizing them when he feels like it), that there is no need to give our child his surname since I am not up to honoring his surname myself,, that my behaviour is shameful and embarrassing... and just now, he phoned me from the funeral to tell me that I'm a fucking bitch for not being there.

I'm trying not to get too upset since I am pregnant... I've tried to be supportive and understand his grief but this is now getting to be abusive. Is my marriage doomed? If he's done this now, who's to say he won't leave me soon? Who's to say he won't freak out when the baby comes? I'm honestly shell shocked.

Any advice would be welcome :(

memberofseven, the OP is in a high risk pregnancy. If you would be willing to take the risk of losing a baby to go to a funeral, fair enough. Don't expect other people to be willing to take that gamble. Take into account that she has already lost one of her twins. No one in her husband's family thought that she was being unreasonable except him. And he has gone way beyond being an unreasonable arse. It sounds like he has had a breakdown. His own mother is suggesting that the OP not be alone with him when he comes back.

Jesus, what the hell is wrong with people? I can’t believe people are actually arguing about this. Ops pregnancy is HIGH RISK, she made absolutely the right decision in not going, would the people saying she should have gone have really put their unborn child’s and their own life at risk? It seems ludicrous that anyone could disagree with her decision.

Op I really hope you are somewhere safe, and have real life support.

Hi @allisonjade How are things? How're you feeling?

Of all the threads this month, this one is still sticking - really hope you are ok OP

Yes, I'm anxious to hear back too. Hoping OP is home and safe now, just taking things easy for the rest of her pregnancy.