AIBU to be amazed how people find new partners

[PotteryLottery]

A couple with teen kids split up and are both now with new people, within the year.

If that were me, I know I'd be single for some time, if not forever.

How do they do it???

OLD is a necessary evil for most of us.

I'm looking for a casual thing and am upfront about this. Yes there are risks, but I choose not to live my life in fear.

I enjoy the sex and so do the men. My body, my choice. I refuse to be made to feel bad about that. I never want a relationship but that doesn't mean I never want sex?I

I go out a lot and have lots of friends and interests but I simply don't meet single, straight men who I fancy and who fancy me whilst out for dinner with friends, or at the gym or the theatre. So I use OLD. No drama. I block arseholes and choose who I date.

I left it very late to date after my over-long marriage broke down due to the three bits of advice - be single, focus on DC, wait until they’re adult. It was fine really, good advice. Have been on OLD two years now (I’m 57) with two long term FWB plus a new one. They’re lovely men just not my forever guy. I’ll only have the full relationship again if that unicorn pops up on OLD. I’m certainly not going to waste my time hanging round draughty village halls with elderly pompous arseholes looking for him!

I wonder this too @PotteryLottery
49 years old, I left an abusive arsehole 12 years ago and I've had a few short relationships that ran aground very quickly. I don't know how people meet somebody that 'sticks'.

I was a bit of a people pleaser in younger years. Too accommodating. And that perhaps scared off the nicer men and while I was canny enough (finally) to walk away from selfish men, I couldn't fix the glitch in me that repelled the good men.

Not sure I care as much as I used to! I think I knew when I left my children's father that I wouldn't just meet somebody ELSE. I knew that that wouldn't JUST happen.

I always think this! I've been single for eleven years. Never get any interest, and I don't have kids and socialise nearly every night, so it's not because I don't have time. Never meet anyone. No one ever tries to chat me up.

My friend and her long time, live in partner broke up last year. After three months she had met someone else, and is now living with them. How? It happens with loads of my friends, they can just bounce from relationship to relationship. Where do they find them?

Eustacecraig, I think this too!! How do they find them? Why do they get chatted up, or find someone they want to chat up. I’m mid-50’s, people tell me I’m attractive (so if, as the abusive exh kept telling me, my personality is awful, you’d think occasionally some man who’s not 80 years old would chat me up), but nothing. I joined a class last year, only 10 people, almost all men, we mostly watched and asked questions while the instructor explained the concepts, then we’d practice together. The men were very flat, and then a woman in her 20’s joined in class 3. They all perked right up and were tripping over each other to chat to her and help her. They were all older than me!

So I don’t know, it’s odd and exasperating.

Oh yeh! Have experienced that. Men id think twice about tripping over themselves to chat to young women who would be repelled to be blunt!

I don't get it either. I've been happily single for 2 years. If I were to meet someone now it would be 6 months before they'd meet my kid, but I know someone who split and divorced this year and her next wedding is early 2020! Some folk are just fast movers I guess but yeah, how do they find new partners so quickly? Do they just step outside their house and grab a passerby?

I enjoy sex with men very much, I dont "use a male body" (lol). Its just that for me, sex is a very important part of getting to truly know someone, and a way to create positive social bonds. And it makes me and my partner/s happy, so I do it as much as possible.

Theres nothing dirty about it, it's not something to be ashamed of, sex is wonderful and fun most of the time. If you know how to screen for good shags, which I think I mostly do.

Sure you can get a disease from sex, but you can also get diseases from parenting children, or being a nurse, etc. The presence of disease is normal in all human activities. I just used condoms. It's not brain surgery.

I met loads of nice men, shagged a few of them, my MO is just to be as upfront as possible about the things that are most likely to put people off - e.g. I make it known I'm a leftist person, that I dont subscribe to gender role stuff much, dont suffer fools - if the man authentically enjoyed the person I was, and felt safe, and smelled right, then I'd give him a ride. If it was enjoyable, I'd keep doing it. Simples.

I can understand being fearful but I, personally, prefer to take calculated risks in the pursuit of pleasure. The alternative is a kind of death, I think.

I'd rather have many happy friends and lovers vs. lurk in my house mumbling about how no one can be trusted. The latter sounds like a fate worse than death to me.

@rvby I 'd like to applaud that. Life is risky. I could get hit by a bus, or taken out by a terrorist bomb. I like to think I'd remember all my happy shagging before my life ended!out

If people don't want to stay or online date of whatever then that's fine. It's not fin e to belittle other people's choices as dirty.

Maybe one thing is that some women are better flirts and saying ‘hey I’m‘sexually available’. It doesn’t mean they’re particularly a catch, but maybe they send the vibes out ...

Not all women want “no strings” sex, so OLD no good for that purpose. For some people it would be very grim, icky and go against who they are. Doesn’t mean we don’t like sex, or are prissy, we just see sex differently.

Btw, I’d say OLD crawling with PDs, so can be emotionally dangerous. Let’s not forget the STDs either.

Apologies for typos!

Nemo

How did OLD give you the confidence boost of your life?

My DH has just finished with me and I don't think I have the confidence to ever go out with anyone again. He has spent 27 years pointing out how superior he is to me, how much better looking, cleverer, better taste etc. Apparently I'm fat (size 12 and only that because I'm a 32G bra). Funny thing is other people tell me I'm really good looking! My self worth, ego, esteem is on the floor. He's leaving me because I don't make him happy.

shagging. and to think we used to say “making love”. but I guess that counts as female liberation for some ...

A badge of honour even: I shagged someone and they shagged me

@Tirannah but it's not making love. I don't love them or them me. We're just having a nice time. Not for everyone but not wrong either.

Yeah, I dont "make love" with folk I am just getting to know! I dont even always do that with my actual partner.

We have cracking shags sometimes, at others it's more love making, sure.

Variety is the spice of life and all that.

I can’t believe how many people are so judgemental of online dating . There’s the same mix of nice and not nice people on there as there is in any place or situation in life. Also there is no shame in consensual safe adult sexual relationships 🤷🏼‍♀️ Or enjoying the company of men. I have a lot of friends and close family, hobbies and a forfilling career. I do not need a man but I may want a man for an mutually beneficial sexual relationship. The thing I would not do is introduce men to my children or have them in my house with my children’s. Neither would I palm off my children to do so.

I don't hold with the its dirty, or anything to be ashamed of, and strange assertions that anyone is living shut away for fear. A very different thing to opening yourself up sexually to strangers, just for gratification.

I hope any doing this stay lucky.

@Ritascornershop

May I ask what the class was?

Always curious about what classes have a decent number of male attendees (not sure I can cope with extreme sports anymore, as I've fine in the past ).

*done in the past

@KnowMenClature when does someone cease to be a stranger?

Good woman or man tigerdater, I'd love your energy

Im always bewildered too otherwise op

They all perked right up and were tripping over each other to chat to her and help her. They were all older than me!

Some men are age appropriate daters, some are not and will never be. I've bumped into older men while out walking in forests (like nature) and made friendly conversation about their dog/s (also like dogs) only for it to become clear that they were regarding me as a potential romantic prospect; when I realised I was thinking "mate, you're old enough to be my father or possibly even grandfather",' same happened while responding politely to conversation started by a man about a book I was reading on a local bus .... I would never (not would most women I know) be eyeing up and coming into men 20, 30 etc yrs younger than me but some men .... .

Is it that they don't that switch off towards younger people of the opposite sex like we do because if some icky procreation thing related to them theoretically being able to reproduce til old age (?).

*nor would

Idiot,

What brilliant posts! When I was doing old I only wanted shortish coffee dates but quite a few women wanted evening drinks/dinner. I acquiesced twice. One was half cut already and tried to snog me at the end of the date. The other is hopefully life long friend.

But whilst men don’t have the same risk factors or get unwarranted nudes plenty of women behave as badly as men. When i was lurking on the dating thread last year one woman posted during a loo update that her date was too short but she had an itch to scratch so was was going to shag him anyway, which she did and followed up with the ‘its not you its me’ text. . Iirc most of the thread were like go girl, you have needs. It seemed this type of behaviour was celebrated, except when it was done to them.

Damaged people, damage people. And there are plenty of those on old, male and female. Though its almost certain most of the damage is caused by men in the first place.