How do I choose?

[PotatoBanana]

So I am planning to move in with my beloved whom I love with all my heart. It's not a simple move as I am crossing countries and leaving all my family behind to be with him.

The thing is, I have a cat. I love this cat like a child. I am an extreme animal lover.
BUT I got this cat when I was with my ex (he wasn't my ex's cat) and my beloved doesn't want me to bring this cat with me because it brings up a lot of bad memories and thoughts of my past relationship which are extremely hard for him to deal with.

I really have no idea what to do because with the status of my work/distance etc, if I do not move with my bf now, it's likely I will end up breaking up with him. Which destroys me because I really feel like he is the one for me. BUT my cat is also everything to me and parting with her hurts me.

What do I do?

He is being controlling. He's telling you to ditch your cat even though you don't want to because it reminds him that you had a past relationship. It's the cat first and then what next? You need to get rid of all the clothes you might have worn when with your ex?
This is such a major red flag op and if you move to be with him you'll likely end up feeling isolated and trapped in this relationship you've given up everything to be in.
If he knows you love your cat and don't want to get rid of it then he should be accepting you with your cat.
This insecurity of his is probably going to cause real issues for you.
Good luck op. I really hope it works out whatever you choose.

OP it's so rare on MN that people agree. Yet every single poster on this thread agrees that you keep the cat and get rid of the man. That must tell you something.

As others have said, you don't see it (yet) but this relationship IS abusive. Jealous of your cat? That's pathetic!! And then blaming it on his mental health? Cmon, please! The best thing that could happen to you is that you end it with this man. The worst thing is that you stay with him. Please end it. You (and your cat) deserve so much better.

With every post, there's more red flags coming out, OP - the cat sounds like the tip of the iceberg.

Why does it have to be now or never? Why can't things continue as they are?

What help has he accessed if his thoughts about your past are so intrusive?

I despise cats with all my heart and I still say take your cat's side. What if you had a child with your ex? Would he expect you to cast that aside too?

If you loved your cat like you say you do, you wouldn’t even consider leaving it.

Choose the cat and then run away. Anyone who won't let you keep a cat because it came into contact with your ex is likely to have serious insecurities which will manifest in controlling and unreasonable behavior in my experience. Or they have a madonna whore complex where they cannot stand their girlfriend's having a past, which again results in the above.

I’m not a cat lover. So I say choose the cat.

Because the man is either mentally ill ( and not seeking help ) or controlling and abusive or both.

Op- everyone who's posted here are team cat.

Can you see how scary that is?

My bf isn't controlling or abusive, but he is insecure, which he admits to.

His insecurity makes him be controlling. Being controlling is abusive.

So he's upset about a cat and crying that he can't help how he feels, you know what he'll do next? He'll be crying that he don't want you to go to work as he wants you with him, he will cry if you want to visit your family, he will cry if you meet a new friend or even when you leave the house without him, he'll blame his thoughts say he can't help it and that he loves you

Its weird you can't see it when your in the relationship, your in this to far you can't see the wood for the trees

I'm telling you now, moving into his and abandoning your cat will be the biggest regret you'll make, you will feel guilty as hell once the novelty of moving in together wears off if not before, I'd say you feel guilty now as you must be feeling this way a bit or you wouldnt be on the Internet asking strangers for advice

Your cat thought you'd protect him forever, don't make the biggest mistake of your life "your beloved" come between you and your fur baby

Insecure men are often controlling and abusive. Stay with the cat and kick beloved (wtf?!) to the kerb!

The cat every time

This happened to my sister. He told her to get rid of her cats; she rehomed them. He left her a couple of months later. She was distraught.

I have cats (one of which was my sister's 🤨) and I would leave my husband before giving them up. Tread very carefully.

You are probably not getting the responses you were hoping for.

But it's unanimous - moving in with this man is not a good idea, for all the reasons given by posters above.

Can you say what his religion is? Because depending on what it is, I'm pretty sure living 'in sin' without marriage is against it.

Poor, poor cat, sacrificed because this idiot won't grow the fuck up.

I’m also wondering what religion he believes in so deeply that allows sex and cohabitation before marriage. Wicca?

Apart from the cat issue, if you want to marry the guy in the long run I'd make sure he proposes before you start moving heaven and earth. Otherwise you could be waiting forever. If he wants you he'll put a ring on it and take you and twenty cats

Choose the cat and stay in your home with your cat
If he relents and says you can bring the cat, he will then abuse the cat, then he will abuse you

Thank god you don't have a child with him as I don't think he fully understands what it's like to love. Get rid, keep the cat.

I would be wary of this man. He wants you to re-home your pet and he finds stuff in your past hard to deal with? That's worrying. Really think this through.

I can see no dilemma- he's revealed who he is if you ask me

He sounds like n absolute dick! Having a whaaa because you had the cat with an ex? Man child, red flag alert!!!

I can't believe you are even considering leaving your cat. He sounds awful and controlling and jealous. What does this even have to do with religion?? Do you have to give up your friend too? Your stuff? This is not a healthy relationship/

His insecurity is totally irrational.

Your cat wasn’t in a relationship with your ex, YOU were. Ergo seeing you should remind him of the relationship more than the cat does.

Tell him to grow up.

I bet his religion doesn't stop him having sex before marriage though. He sounds awful

Keep the cat. It already loves you more than this creep.

Goodness. I posted after reading the first post. After reading further posts I'd be more than wary.

He's not a good man. I'm sorry. You're on a hiding to nothing with this man. This will not be the last "choice" he will give you. Please please do not move in with him and if you can't see you should end it then please please keep your guard up and pay heed to any alarm bells that ring.