How do I choose?

[PotatoBanana]

So I am planning to move in with my beloved whom I love with all my heart. It's not a simple move as I am crossing countries and leaving all my family behind to be with him.

The thing is, I have a cat. I love this cat like a child. I am an extreme animal lover.
BUT I got this cat when I was with my ex (he wasn't my ex's cat) and my beloved doesn't want me to bring this cat with me because it brings up a lot of bad memories and thoughts of my past relationship which are extremely hard for him to deal with.

I really have no idea what to do because with the status of my work/distance etc, if I do not move with my bf now, it's likely I will end up breaking up with him. Which destroys me because I really feel like he is the one for me. BUT my cat is also everything to me and parting with her hurts me.

What do I do?

Ugh, he sounds awful. He's not a Nigerian Prince is he?

I can not stand cats. You should keep the cat!

Major red flag!!!! Even people who hate cats are telling you to keep the cat and dump your beloved. Some men are very good at mirroring. They seem like soul- mates because they manage to mirror back your thoughts and feelings. I fear this is one them

What prick asks someone to get rid of their cat?

This!

Why on Earth is this even a question?

Your cat is part of your family, the same way as a child is. You wouldn’t leave a child so why consider leaving your cat?

Stay where you are and build a relationship with someone more normal and balanced.

The thing is that he is extremely religious and he has very strong views on relationships, so he is very much aware of these issues and them being his own issue. And for the entirety that we have been together he has really been working hard to deal with these thoughts that he has. I don't like making the comparison, but I can compare it somewhat to a mental illness with him, he really can't help it. We have had a few times where he will literally sit there and cry to me because he doesn't want to be having these awful thoughts because he loves me so much. And he has REALLY come a long way with dealing with these thoughts and our relationship has grown a lot to the point where he never really has them any more.
But when it comes to my cat, he has seen my ex with him and so when he sees my cat he is instantly reminded of that.

There is also the fact that when he moved he will be leaving his own cat with family. Which I understand is difficult but he will get to see his cat. Unfortunately for myself I don't know of anyone I would feel comfortable leaving my cat with.

I've had awful abusive relationships in the past and it has really taken me a lot to trust anyone again and this guy; I really love him so much, I have never met anyone who I care about and who cares about me as much as I have him. I know there is the saying of "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but I honestly feel like he is the only person for me.

Moving to be with this person sounds like it might be a bad idea.
I wouldn't do it.

Bet op will choose beloved.

Poor cat. And good luck op!!!

He sounds abusive to me.

Thing is, his mental illness if you're going to call it that is HIS problem to deal with, not for you to sacrifice important parts of your life.

He's having you on, sitting there crying because he wishes he wasn't a controlling twat, really? Got you right where he wants you hasn't he.

@potato if you think he’s the one then you do, but your poor cat shouldn’t be left behind because of his issues.
The way you’re defending him etc sounds like you’ve already made your choice though..

Is your cat waving any red flags at you

If you chose him I predict many more threads about him.

Did you have any support professionally after your previous abusive relationships?

Why are you interpreting his possessiveness as caring for you? It's just more control, aka abuse.

What support did you have to learn about the dynamics of abuse after you exited the last abusive relationship? Because you seem to be making the mistake abused women commonly do of ending up with a differently-abusive man because he isn't a clone of the previous abuser.

What approach did you use to assess whether this guy was or was not abusive?

You can’t leave your cat. It’s your cat!

A cat makes him jealous of your ex? Your cat is not the problem.

OP, he's dripping with red flags.

Have you been in abusive relationships before?

Comparing his abusive behaviour to someone with mental illness is a really shitty thing to do to try and justify/minimise what he's doing.

There is more than enough prejudice and discrimination against those experiencing mental illness without you adding to it.

His issue with the cat is that it reminds him he hasn't always owned you. That's not love. And it is a choice.

You shouldn’t move in with him even if he says you can bring your cat. I would not trust what he’d do to it.

(Sorry, didn't read properly.)

You're doing the same thing again - you're being sucked into another abusive controlling relationship.

Cat cat cat
Keep the cat

You are joking surely?
He sounds like a friggin nutter. He is either jealous of your cat, which is crazy...or he is a narcissist, testing you to see how under his thumb you are.

Do not move in with this guy. He will crush your spirit.

You consider his Irrational jealousy to be a mental illness? Do you really think getting rid of your cat is going to cure this illness? That this will be the end of it? That he won't try to stop you speaking to other men? Won't consider you a slag when he decides he can't cope with your past?

If he's religious, I presume you haven't had sex and won't until marraige? Or are you moving into his home and bed? Cos that means he's cherry pick bits of religion to suit himself. With you cast as the harlot in need of saving and himself as the pure man seduced.

I fear you are walking into another abusive relationship, but this time miles from home, reliant on him and isolated from friends and family.

Please at least delay moving until you've done the freedom programme. Him crying because he can't deal with your past does not bode well for a future of mutual love and RESPECT.

I've had awful abusive relationships in the past

You are in an abusive relationship right now.

With Mr Redflag

I don't think giving up a pet is an easy choice it's the hardest choice ever, but I have to look at both sides of the picture to make my choice.

My bf isn't controlling or abusive, but he is insecure, which he admits to. And he does feel awful about my cat. He has told me that we don't have to move together now and I can stay with my cat. But in the position we are in, now is the only good time to move together if we are going to do it, because if we don't and I have to return to work and most likely won't be able to see him; we would end up breaking up because distance is an issue.