Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I could not find you guys so have started this.

If there is a live thread please point me in the direction and I will have this delete.

midthirties bloody tell him!!!

Thanks for the new thread.

Shit hope you are ok, I know what you mean about wanting to be with someone for Christmas, I get stressed about this every year which is why this year I decided not to get involved with anyone as I didn’t want the added pressure of Christmas, I usually am dating someone around christmas and in the past they have had to spend time with their children/family/ex and I have felt even more lonely so I decided it’s best to be on my own. Can you visit friend Christmas Eve? I deliver presents to family and I find by late afternoon am happy to be on my own, maybe order a take away and watch a cheesy film?

I’m still insure if I want to meet Mr Beard on Sunday, he seems pretty keen to meet up again but I’m not sure if I can be bothered until Christmas is out of the way.

POF is pretty quiet and I haven’t been on there much, again because of Christmas, I might put more effort into it in the new year.

shitwith yes. Try and do the group one. There is a book or you can do it online but the group is amazing. You really get to hear other stories and you can share (or not) and it really helps you see whats been happening and how it is not your fault. If you want to pm me feel free

We're using a company called Amicable. It's a decent balance between mediation and solicitors. You get a flat fee deal and all paperwork sorted. You can choose different packages depending how much assistance you need. I've found them great.

Great title. What is yellow wallpaper? Does it cost to do the freedom programme in a group? I looked at the online one and just found it a bit confusing to work through on my own.

checking in!

All the people doing their own divorces please get consent orders done even if you're walking away with nothing or you've agreed half.

Without a consent order the division of assets/or no assets means that at any time in the future your ex can come after you for your assets. So if you're planning to improve your situation and gain assets you need a consent order otherwise you could get screwed over years down the line.

I'm using wikivorce and paying a flat fee for divorce plus consent order.
On top of their fee is the court fees but if your income is low enough you could exempt from all or some of the fee.

gang I need advice.

Last year I went on a date with Mr Giant. I really liked him, had an awsome first date (daytime) with a hug and a peck at the end. The messaging was perfect. Warm, lovely, flirty etc. We were arranging a 2nd date and then he disapearded mid chat. I assumed he had blocked me.
4 weeks later he sent me a message asking where I had gone, Promised he hadnt blocked me, wasnt sure what had happened etc etc (he could have contacted me on bookface but didnt)
We arranged the 2nd date but tbh I was feeling wary and was catching feels for Mr Big so I cancelled.

A few nights ago I was having a swipe session and have accidently rematched him. He has just messaged me. What do you think? should I meet him again?

I am still wary as when we originally organised 2nd date I got a sitter and everything and felt quite hurt BUT the first date was great

Hey all. I have a coffee date with Mr..
Shall we call him Gray?

Its way too early, I haven't even moved out yet

I think I will shitwith thanks

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I went for it last night (admittedly after a few gins!) and said: "Because I'm in love with you, my feelings for you are too much for me to continue to be involved with you in that way. I know it's not what we agreed and that is why I have to put a stop to that side of things as it's not fair on either of us".
His reply? "Fucking hell why didn't you tell me?"

I haven't replied to that as quite honestly, I feel sick to my stomach that I am about to/have lost him from my life even as a friend.
He's tried to ring a couple of times but I'm too much of a coward to answer the phone

Midthirties- answer the phone! He could be ringing to say he feels the same, I highly doubt he’d be calling if he was just going to end it!

I NEED to join this thread! Recently separated and may have got into OLD a bit too soon. Its getting complicated..

Be upfront. Tell him and live by rule no.12

Marlboroandmalbec I would definitely give it another shot. Sounds like the timing and circumstances were off but otherwise a distinct possibility.

So next week Mr NSS has booked us cottage and minivan and we are driving to where his family live for a sort of 'second Christmas' with all our kids!

I am really excited but also slightly nervous. Frankly, I find my own children pretty annoying after being cooped up in a space with them and it will be cold and wet outside so it's not like we can do much outside.
Anyhoo, I'm sure it will be fine. The kids have all met and get on well and from past experience Mr NSS is calm and helpful under pressure (unlike ex who was irritable and grumpy in such conditions).
We have talked about the possibility of moving in together at some point in the future... in a sort of very speculative kind of way.

In another reality I would so want to do this with him. But with our kids, exes, divorces, etc. it just all gets so difficult.
And then I have to remind myself that there is absolutely no pressure to do this now or ever and to just enjoy what we have now. Which is lovely.

@midthirtiesandsingle i think just have the chat, you haven't anything to lose!

I decided to venture back onto Bumble and have two potential irons but conversation is sparse so I'm not sure whether it's due to work or other factors! Not sure how long to bother.

My msg about being upfront was to Marlborough.

I feel like it's a milestone when one can remember certain rules by their number! lol

Mid answer the phone!! If his response was thanks but no thanks I would have thought you’d get that by a carefully worded text. He’s clearly not giving up so there may be something there!

Marlborough give it another shot but be wary. I did that and we clicked twice but his reasons for not pursuing it meant he just went away again and it hurt twice.

Posted on the last thread but hope it’s ok to get new responses as that one filled?

My question was has anyone followed things through with someone that’s amazing but there wasn’t an instant attraction? After 3 years of disaster I’ve met someone who is a wonderful man but I’m not getting the electric. Wondering if it could grow?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 answer the phone, nothing to lose. Let us know what he says!

Midthirties answer the phone, see what he has to say, the worst that can happen is him saying he doesn’t feel the same way. I had this with Mr SA earlier in the year, I had feelings for him but he didn’t want more than FWB, he then kept messaging me asking if we could talk as he didn’t want to end what we had and wanted to see if we could sort something, the only probables was he had taken a job in London which is quite far away so I decided to just end it. If he’s trying t call you then he obviously doesn’t want to loose you, he either has feelings for you or your bloody amazing in bed 🤣. I have a friend who’s been with her FWB for ten years, they ended up falling for each other even though it wasn’t the plan.