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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

999 replies

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 20/12/2019 11:29

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Spritesobright · 20/12/2019 14:21

Savoretti your ex is indeed being a bellend and controlling. Sorry but he gets absolutely no say in who you introduce to the children and whether Mr Tri sleeps over or not.
And a DBA check?! Give me a break.
You are their mother and will be there in the house and are a competent judge of character.
This is all controlling BS and no court would impose these conditions on you if he wants to take it that far, which would be laughable.
Just tell him no. And leave it at that.
He is definitely only doing this to control you.

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/12/2019 14:22

@Savoretti Would be be happy for you to demand the same of any girlfriends he has?

Sadly, we don't get to demand or control who our ex's have relationships with and have to trust that they will not willingly expose our children to anyone who isn't healthy for them. It's hard but its part and parcel of separating when you have kids.

Savoretti · 20/12/2019 14:27

I agree @sunshine and I’m sure he totally trusts that I would not expose the children to anyone unsuitable, this is just control.
He argued that he would have told me first if he was going to introduce the children, and says I would have every right to check up on her. He knows I wouldn’t, this is purely to make my life hell. The trouble is if they meet now Mr Tri is pissed off already so I can’t see it going well...

Sleepysundown · 20/12/2019 14:32

Thanks Marlborough I like a positive story!

Savoretti yep he’s being a controlling dick sorry to hear that

Original poster
Marlboroandmalbec34 · 20/12/2019 14:43

savoretti just say no.

Soooo invested in what midthirties is up to

OP posts:
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 20/12/2019 15:00

Hiii everyone, I’ve posted a few times but generally just tend to lurk Blush

I just wanted to ask at what point people tend to stop dating others (if you’re multi dating) / when do you hide or come off apps? Or have the conversation about it?

supercali77 · 20/12/2019 15:01

Come on midthirties give us the juice!

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/12/2019 15:04

@supercali77 Maybe they're 'busy' Grin

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/12/2019 15:06

@ihavetogoshoppingnow Hi, I guess it depends really on whether you like this person enough to not want to date anyone else? And if you do, does he feel the same way?

Mr Ad and I both decided we wanted to delete our profiles after our first date and had a conversation about it but the guy I was seeing before told me he wasn't sleeping with anyone else but I found out later he was still on the apps and talking to other women so we clearly weren't on the same page!

Jane1978xx · 20/12/2019 15:07

@ihavetogoshoppingnow it’s up to each person but I wouldn’t be having sex with
More than one person. But I’ve only dated one person at a time at all as I don’t have a lot of spare time

NoMoreWeepingAndWanking · 20/12/2019 15:08

Shopping not actually got that far but I think it's something that tends to come up naturally.

And I googled a few relationship counsellors for us to see jointly, then this was the one we liked and when the relationship went kaput I got custody of her. She charges £50 per session or £35 for reduced income.

supercali77 · 20/12/2019 15:08

@Sunshineandflipflops I guess it's only been an hour since he was coming over. It's cool, I can hit refresh 200 more times Grin

midthirtiesandsingle · 20/12/2019 15:22

I've had to hide in the bathroom for 5 mins. I feel like my head is going to explode!

He turned up with flowers and Gin and said that he has had feelings for me for months but didn't want to say anything in case I walked away, that he was devastated when I ended things but thought he could cope so that we could remain friends.

I'm so happy and terrified all at once! Now, I may be 'otherwise engaged' for a while Blush

crazycatlady20 · 20/12/2019 15:24

aww @midthirtiesandsingle sooo happy for you. merry christmas!

NoMoreWeepingAndWanking · 20/12/2019 15:25

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg
SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU!

Eesha · 20/12/2019 15:27

@midthirtiesandsingle what a lovelu Xmas story!!!

Original poster
Marlboroandmalbec34 · 20/12/2019 15:29

OMG i just got goosebumps midthirties its like a christmas romcom. So happy for you, jealous, but happy for you!

OP posts:
Spritesobright · 20/12/2019 15:30

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

Gin and flowers - he's a keeper.
I am so over the moon about this for you midthirtiesandsingle I can't believe he hid his feelings from you and you were doing the same.
Imagine his shock when you told him you were in love.
Seriously, this has made my day. I think I might even go back and re-read the thread so I can relive the excitement of you sending the text, and then waiting, and then him rushing over with gin and flowers.
I am such a sucker for romance and that is truly sweet.

Jane1978xx · 20/12/2019 15:37

I could cry that’s amazing ! Xmas love story xx

JeSuisPrest · 20/12/2019 15:40

Literally just shouted "yes!!" alone in my kitchen 😂

supercali77 · 20/12/2019 15:51

@midthirtiesandsingle YAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!

shitwithsugaron · 20/12/2019 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 20/12/2019 15:58

midthirties that’s amazing, proper Christmas love story!xx

Thanks for the advice! I’ve never hit this point before either. We’ve been on 3 dates and slept together, I’m not speaking to anyone else and tbh I can’t be bothered swiping and I don’t have time to multi date anyway! We were both very clear and upfront about wanting a serious relationship straight off the bat and everything has been very open and honest so far, I knew he was still on tinder which didn’t bother me, I don’t think he’s sleeping with anyone else but we saw each other on Tuesday and on Thursday I went on his profile to show him to my friend and noticed he’d updated his job and added some new pictures. Ngl it felt like abit of a punch in the gut! He said he wasn’t going to rush into anything and wanted to date and see how things went which I completely agree with so I wasn’t sure when I should bring it up as it’s only been a few weeks, he’s 26 I’m very much aware it’s generation on non committals and I don’t want to push it too soon and scare him off as everything else upto this point has been really great.

Eesha · 20/12/2019 16:02

@ihavetogoshoppingnow I guess depends if you are ok with him maybe sleeping with others too. That part would annoy me personally.

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/12/2019 16:12

@midthirtiesandsingle YESSSSSSS!
I am really happy for you and he sounds like a sweetie. Congrats and merry Christmas!