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Original poster

Major Xmas dilemma!

590 replies

OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:03

What would you do in this situation?

Bf who lives down the road with 2 dc. I have 2 dc too.

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I have a number of issues with this. He has barely any furniture or stuff as he only recently moved in so the place is bare, dim and cold. The kitchens always a mess, there's bloody puppies as well so it's always a racket and smells.

Also I'd have to move a load of stuff over which I don't want to do, there's not enough chairs, I can't do my usual routine

Also I fear it'll be unfair with the kids as I get my dc a lot more, his dc pick on my youngest and are generally unpleasant at times.

Also I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money, I'm fine with not getting a present but I have to admit it's hard not to feel a little resentful funding masses of Xmas food and drink and dinner'

Tbh I'm miserable every time I'm there atm. Tonight I went over for dinner spent nearly two hours waiting on my own feeling ill in the cold and dark as he had a call to be given dinner massively late and a child's portion so I'm still hungry!

I want to do it at my dads, he can come over for Christmas dinner maybe for a bit on Christmas Eve. I'll be more relaxed I have everything I need and they won't be here too long as it's chaos with 4 kids and I find it very stressful!

There's no solution though I either make him happy but risk having a horrible stressful Christmas as I get really low when I get stressed or I piss him off and have him unhappy at me

OP posts:
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burgerrings · 21/12/2019 09:37

Where is all the money he's set up for life given he's broke? And you're not a family - your kids have barely met.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 21/12/2019 10:12

I've told him we're not a family many times

His fb has thousands of friends and followers, pics of him all over the world

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/12/2019 10:21

What are your plans for today Ode? Doing anything nice and Christmassy with your kids? What I mean is, I hope you don't get sucked in to a day of worrying about him and his predicament and texting back and forth all day long.

It's a lovely day out there

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 21/12/2019 10:55

Thank you, I'm still recovering from a virus so I'm not at work but will be watching films with the kids, wrapping presents, maybe catching up on Olympia or starting my draft

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 21/12/2019 11:03

Your head must be in such a state with all this info running around in there. I feel like you're getting a bit of a hard time, given that what you thought was a nice, long distance relationship turned into chaos.

I've been with someone who did shit like this and it took ages afterwards just to think straight again.

Kathsmum · 21/12/2019 11:14

It’s so easy to advise from the outside harder when you’re in the middle. Sending you a hug.
Make the right choices for your children. Be selfish for them- no one else is going to and that’s your job. Always ask yourself am I putting them first?
Next I would say you need to slow things right down. Go out for dates if you want to, he will need to arrange a sitter & not expect your dad to do it but I’d try to keep things seperate where possible.

All the best for 2020 x

WingingItSince1973 · 21/12/2019 11:20

I'm.sorry to be nit picking OP but in your previous thread you said you were taking his DC to school because he was working and couldn't take DC? Am I remembering wrong? Because if that's true then who looks after the second DC while hes not around? Sorry I know it seems like a small point in all the chaos but I really do think you should let social services know just so they can check on the children to make sure he is here legitimately and not fleeing. Plus you say he has family in the same village as you. Can you talk to them? Make sure that everything is saying is true. But either way you need to leave him and get some help for the abuse you suffered in your previous relationship and to help you not to fall for these type of manipulators again xx

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 21/12/2019 11:32

He works from home, I've been taking his eldest because he has no car

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 21/12/2019 11:32

The younger one doesn't have a place yet so is at home with him

OP posts:
Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 21/12/2019 11:44

Here's a funny thing I just remembered, he hasn't and won't put anything about me on his social media, not that we're in a relationship or if he posts in erased out of it

He said it's because he has a fan club and I'd get messages of jealous girls Hmmjesus that's laughable now!

OP posts:
fedup21 · 21/12/2019 11:46

Here's a funny thing I just remembered, he hasn't and won't put anything about me on his social media, not that we're in a relationship or if he posts in erased out of it

Hmmm

Why don’t you make a list of all the red flags that are being waved with this man for us!

PennyRoyal · 21/12/2019 11:47

Fan club? He is a minor celeb or something??

SurpriseSparDay · 21/12/2019 11:51

Oh for goodness sake!

knewyouwerewaiting · 21/12/2019 11:54

Well that’s a major red flag if he supposedly moved continents to be with you. Why isn’t he shouting it from the rooftops that he is in a happy relationship with you?

Costacoffeeplease · 21/12/2019 11:58

He sounds like a Walter Mitty type of character. Fan club indeed, is he Harry Styles?

FrancisCrawford · 21/12/2019 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Embracelife · 21/12/2019 12:07

He sounds unhinged
If he really has thousands of followers etc he can afford everything. Or ask his followers on a GoFundMe
Why is he after you ? And your money? When you dont have millions.

SurpriseSparDay · 21/12/2019 12:08

Curiouser and curiouser ...

One must naturally conclude that he is fleeing either responsibilities or debts or something worse and has been anxious to avoid relevant people/authorities finding out that he doesn’t intend to return to the US.

That might be why he has such limited access to money. Either his US cards have been de-activated because of something he’s done there, or he dare not use them here because he doesn’t want to be tracked down.

I really would prefer it if this thread were the latest draft of your newest creative writing project, OP ...

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 21/12/2019 12:16

Sadly no! I've been neglecting my writing and everything else since the chaos of him moving here! I've been late for work for the first time ever, he lost my bank card, I've been getting no sleep I've been falling asleep driving, I've not been able to keep up with my uni work or running or anything

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 21/12/2019 12:16

Please make a call to Social Services and make them aware of these children as their needs are clearly not being met.

Dowser · 21/12/2019 12:19

He’s tight with money?
Run!

fedup21 · 21/12/2019 12:21

I've been late for work for the first time ever, he lost my bank card

Why did he have you bank card!? Has he lost it or just kept it?

SurpriseSparDay · 21/12/2019 12:23

I think there was some discussion on the previous thread regarding your ‘lost’ bank card.

You do know that’s utter bullshit, don’t you?

Costacoffeeplease · 21/12/2019 12:24

He’s lost your bank card? Jeez, why did he have it. I hope you’ve cancelled it so he can’t drain even more of your money

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/12/2019 12:24

He lost your bank card? Why did he have your bank card?

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