Major Xmas dilemma!

[OdeToDiazepam]

What would you do in this situation?

Bf who lives down the road with 2 dc. I have 2 dc too.

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I have a number of issues with this. He has barely any furniture or stuff as he only recently moved in so the place is bare, dim and cold. The kitchens always a mess, there's bloody puppies as well so it's always a racket and smells.

Also I'd have to move a load of stuff over which I don't want to do, there's not enough chairs, I can't do my usual routine

Also I fear it'll be unfair with the kids as I get my dc a lot more, his dc pick on my youngest and are generally unpleasant at times.

Also I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money, I'm fine with not getting a present but I have to admit it's hard not to feel a little resentful funding masses of Xmas food and drink and dinner'

Tbh I'm miserable every time I'm there atm. Tonight I went over for dinner spent nearly two hours waiting on my own feeling ill in the cold and dark as he had a call to be given dinner massively late and a child's portion so I'm still hungry!

I want to do it at my dads, he can come over for Christmas dinner maybe for a bit on Christmas Eve. I'll be more relaxed I have everything I need and they won't be here too long as it's chaos with 4 kids and I find it very stressful!

There's no solution though I either make him happy but risk having a horrible stressful Christmas as I get really low when I get stressed or I piss him off and have him unhappy at me

What discussion was the @SurpriseSparDay ?

was that!!

Well it doesn't matter now because the next day I cancelled it and ordered a new one

He was using my bank card before he got his own new one

Using it for what?

To pay for stuff,

I do fear you have been taken in by a conman. I said the same on your first thread. I am impressed at how well you are taking the comments on here. You seem focused on what you need to do now. I hope there will be no backlash from him. ow you are no longer seeing him. Is he aware that you have broken out off with him?

To pay for stuff

No shit, Sherlock! I presume the PP was asking for more detail?!

Well.. so initially he'd transferred that money to me so he was using my card as his own

On the occasion he lost it he went out to pick up a bed and took my card to withdraw some money, my own money by this point. I told him I needed him back by a certain time to go to work but he ended up being 15 mins late so I was late for work and the next day he couldn't find my card

he hasn't and won't put anything about me on his social media

As said, another family (or at least other interests) elsewhere

I'd also normally say this has to be a wind-up, but since OP's a pretty longstanding MNer that seems unlikely. So all that seems left is to be very careful if you mean it about pulling away from him ... given his ability to "destroy people" and all that

I haven't broken up with him right at this point, he said yesterday when I took the tree are you ending it but I didn't say yes as was on my own and he was shouting, he said about questioning things I said well end it with me then but he didn't. I haven't said it to him because I'm worried about the reaction, I'm worried about the fallout over Christmas, I'm worried about my ability to cope with that right now and I also want my dad repaid ideally as for me to pay it will take months.

Well his comment about that was in a discussion about his ex wife actually, he said she had issues with the adopted kids and drinking and stuff, she threatened to remove them or take them back but he said he'd destroy her if she did. He's also said he can ruin people's lives because of contacts in the government and knowing legal stuff

I haven't had indication of him being malicious or aggressive towards me. Last week when we were arguing a lot then a couple of times he raised his voice and was physically intimidating although I'm more sensitive to that because of my past, he insisted afterward that he wasn't angry and he never meant to scare me but I still remain that he was angry, I'm able to tell

As said on the last thread he's got angry before over me not wanting to go to church, not wanting to bring him to work party, wanting to go to family on Boxing Day just me and the kids, reading emails when I wake up, and the worst one was for disagreeing with him about marijuana use

I also want my dad repaid ideally

Sorry - not going to happen

Unfortunately you'll end up having to repay him yourself anyway, so there seems little point in doing yourself further damage by hanging onto this conman in the meantime

You'll be saying he's an undercover agent next....

C'mon OP - this is ludicrous.

Lost your bank card - yeah right.

he can ruin people's lives because of contacts in the government and knowing legal stuff
He doesn't seem to know the basics of day to day existence so this is highly unlikely

Can we have the link to his FB page please?

I would love to provide the evidence and let you see for yourselves but I'm not going to do that unfortunately as I'd be worried about the repercussions for me if he knows this thread exists

I don't know what work he's done in the past but he's hinted at mysterious government contracts and things, privately educated etc

I would say it's not OPs responsibility to make good her dad's money. Her dad is an adult who chose to lend the money to a person that had family connections outside of the OP. Family who set her up with the boyfriend. Her dad's loan can be seen as independent of the OPs relationship

He sounds dodgy as fuck to me

mysterious government contracts and things, privately educated etc

Have you noticed that your comments are full of and stuff, and things when you’re talking about him?

OP, seriously - If All This Were True He Would Not Be Relying On A Waitress He Hardly Knows To Provide His Children With A Christmas Day And School Transport.

Not unless he were employing you to provide these services.

A thousand people have already asked - why is he not being aided by all his grand friends? Why has he chosen you to fund him?