Major Xmas dilemma!

[OdeToDiazepam]

What would you do in this situation?

Bf who lives down the road with 2 dc. I have 2 dc too.

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I have a number of issues with this. He has barely any furniture or stuff as he only recently moved in so the place is bare, dim and cold. The kitchens always a mess, there's bloody puppies as well so it's always a racket and smells.

Also I'd have to move a load of stuff over which I don't want to do, there's not enough chairs, I can't do my usual routine

Also I fear it'll be unfair with the kids as I get my dc a lot more, his dc pick on my youngest and are generally unpleasant at times.

Also I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money, I'm fine with not getting a present but I have to admit it's hard not to feel a little resentful funding masses of Xmas food and drink and dinner'

Tbh I'm miserable every time I'm there atm. Tonight I went over for dinner spent nearly two hours waiting on my own feeling ill in the cold and dark as he had a call to be given dinner massively late and a child's portion so I'm still hungry!

I want to do it at my dads, he can come over for Christmas dinner maybe for a bit on Christmas Eve. I'll be more relaxed I have everything I need and they won't be here too long as it's chaos with 4 kids and I find it very stressful!

There's no solution though I either make him happy but risk having a horrible stressful Christmas as I get really low when I get stressed or I piss him off and have him unhappy at me

Well I'm not finding him anymore

Funding

What I suspect it might be is he started this new company and I've heard him tell other people that he's invested everything he has into it

He's also said he can ruin people's lives because of contacts in the government and knowing legal stuff
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The classic conman; trying to allude to mystery & power, dump him, write the ££ off.
Report to SS and RSPCA, the kids and dogs need help.
Feckin crackpot!!

I doubt your dad will get his money back - but as a pp says, your dad gave this man money of his own accord, so it's not down to you to pay it back.

Since this man's arrival he has brought utter chaos into your life - falling asleep while you're driving? FFS!

Get rid. His vast circle of Friends In High Places can fund him in future.

Oh yes - I too have signed the Official Secrets Act and am an ex Government employee, and I'm nowt special!

I'm sure that he's a narcissist reading up on that

I'd be worried about the repercussions for me if he knows this thread exists

I wouldn't worry, OP - the depressing thing is that there are so many like him, all spouting the same kind of rubbish, that there's little chance of him recognising himself

At least membership of the CIA might explain the non-working card, though; doubtless his was a really speshul, government-issued one, which couldn't be expected to work in the machines we plebs use

And any minute now you'll be told he flits around because there's a contract out on him, the dog's belly wasn't full of puppies but secret drug-filled condoms and his second child's kept at home because she carries a secret nobody must ever know

he started this new company and I've heard him tell other people that he's invested everything he has into it

Drug running?
People smuggling?

No wait, I've got it ... he's negotiating with all those contacts to prepare a bolthole for Trump when they impeach him. Sod a nonentity like Trudeau; next thing you know he'll be pictured at the White House!!

See what fun you could have with this ... ?

So he’s a pot head as well?

I know this thread has moved on abit since the original question but I don't understand the desperation to spend Christmas with a man you have known less than a year. Christmas is a time to be with family, you should spend it with a partner, boyfriend when you have been with them for a minimum of 2 years. I know you said you are not spending the day with him but you don't have to do anything he says at all. In a relationship less than a year you should say, 'have a nice Christmas, Let's meet up in January for a date' you don't owe him anything else.

That did make me laugh puzzled

I never wanted to spend Christmas with him that was the original argument between us that I was saying I didn't want to and he said that's inconsiderate

He asked me if I smoke weed I said no of course not im a parent not a teenager

He said the majority of people in the uk do and I disagreed I said I'm pretty sure the other school run mums and old people aren't all smoking it anyway it was a silly argument that escalated and he got very angry at me saying that I thought he was wrong

The trouble is I have a bag of presents for his kids here, so I need to drop them off really unless it'd be better not to

I really wanted to write this in capital letters as a means of shouting at you as you dont seem to be listening. Please please distance yourself NOW from this fantasist. Report him to social services and let them investigate as to wether the children are here legitimately or hes on the run from something in US. If hes refusing to use his cards hes trying not to be traced. Although you said he has an aunty in same village? Why isnt she helping with his children etc? Sorry of you've answered that before. Even if hes telling the absolute truth he is still someone that you need to avoid at all costs and concentrate on your children and your future xxx but please please take your concerns to social services x

Sorry post sounded very rude to you. I didnt mean it to be so but its really really not a healthy relationship or even friendship. You sound very kind and worry about people easily like his children. Which is why you need to let someone with authority make sure they are truly ok. Take care OP xxx

As harsh as it sounds. I wouldn't do that. You'll get sucked back in via his guilt tripping, or he'll start with the ridiculous threats and unsettle you.

If you can ask one of his local friends to drop them off for you, that may ease your conscience (although you owe them nothing), then you'll have done a good deed for his kids, but make it THE VERY LAST THING you EVER do for him. Cut contact totally - put it all down to experience and enjoy a peaceful single life until you've sorted your head out.

Yeah I shouted a bit too, WingingItSince1973 but I'm concerned for OP who has been sucked into absolute chaos by this freeloading fantasist.

His cards kept declining and it's my aunt who lives here

He doesn't have family here

I'm struggling to believe, after everything you've posted about this fanny-clencher, and alllll the responses you've received, that you're not questioning whether dropping off presents is a good idea. If you're feeling charitable, and I understand why, as the poor kids involved have been neglected, then GET ONE OF HIS MATES FROM YOUR VILLAGE TO PASS THEM ON!

Well it'd be a bit awkward as I'd have to explain what was going on, it'd be easier to leave it but then I'd be worried they'll only get one or two presents

Yes I know it's not my responsibility but I'm pretty sure anyone would feel bad, even if I give them to my kids, I'd feel pretty bad about it

I honestly think you're finding excuses, whether for the purpose of this thread (sorry) or protecting his delusions, to avoid simple solutions to these 'dilemmas'. Too awkward to pass on presents to his kids via a mutual friend? It that a higher a priority to putting yourself in yet another situation with this conman? Or leaving the presents, which will only make you feel bad?

Well you have to admit that it's not ideal but anyway, it doesn't matter. Whatever happens with the presents won't change the fact that I'm ending things