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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left for woman half his age.

815 replies

Apricot10 · 14/12/2019 18:31

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?
Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Apricot10 · 30/03/2020 19:25

@callmeadoctor Yep that's what I said. I would never open anything that wants addressed to me. I rarely opened that as only got statement every 3 months, and I have my own account and don't really use it. He has been rumbled and is freaking out. I have photographed it and emailed it all to myself. He said he was going to void the account. Not without my signature you won't mate. 🙄

OP posts:
copycopypaste · 30/03/2020 21:06

CMS for child maintenance then

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/03/2020 21:26

Isnt it amazing how he is the one stiffing you on child support but you are the arsehole?

The level of self deception they will go to is incredible.

I agree, CMS, one chance to pay direct to you and if he doesnt then he can pay them 20% extra each month for them to collect it!

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/03/2020 21:27

And bear in mind that legally you are entitled to withdraw exactly 50% of whats in there every payday...... Wink

Cassandrainthenight · 30/03/2020 21:43

OP, please install the joint account's bank's app so you can be informed what's been happening there long term and what he does with it in the near future.
It should be a five min job, though you might need one of the pinsentry machines, you probably have one or two lying around, doesn't matter which bank's, they all use the same algorithm.

Though for some banks date of birth, address and card number might be enough to get access to online banking through the app.

Wishing you strength Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 30/03/2020 22:49

OMG brilliant OP..Grin Flowers

justilou1 · 30/03/2020 22:57

What a fucker... he is as obnoxious as everyone says. Can you believe that you ever imagined that he was your friend?!?! What a horrible human being he is!!!

Original poster
Apricot10 · 30/03/2020 23:33

He really is vile. He can so easily just switch to vile and nasty, when he is cornered. I might start logging in and moving 50% of his wages over every month now. He should've met up sorted finances when I asked him to a million times. Now we won't be able to do that for a while. Who would've thought it would take a global pandemic to get the tosser to sod off. I am so angry about it all, I am so sick of having abuse hurled at me when he is shown to be an arse hole. Urgh.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 30/03/2020 23:59

Absolutely do it. You deserve to have every step lines with bloody rose petals and velvet, not abuse. He is a bottom-feeding invertebrate.

justilou1 · 30/03/2020 23:59

BTW - everyone should be told this news

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/03/2020 00:29

Its a joint account, he agreed on signing up that you would have equal access.....fucking do it love

Buggedandconfused · 31/03/2020 00:35

Do it before he changes his salary to be paid elsewhere.... what a creature he is.

notapizzaeater · 31/03/2020 01:13

Have you run his 'new' salary through the cms calculator ?

DateAndWalnuts · 31/03/2020 01:23

He's angry because he's rumbled...make sure you update your claim!

justilou1 · 31/03/2020 03:02

Cms are gonna love him!

otterhound · 31/03/2020 10:18

What a twat. I’d phone the bank just in case he tries to close it but he can get his wages paid into another account and empty this one but at least you have proof of earnings.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 31/03/2020 19:36

He can't close the account without my signature, he can obviously move his wages to a different account. But like PP say I have proof of earnings now and will continue to have as the statement is sent to my address. He text me today and told me he would be tracking who has logged into his account so he will know if I have accessed it. I just asked exactly what he thought he would do with that information.IT'S A JOINT ACCOUNT! 🙄 I have told him to take care of himself and wish him well but to kindly f*ck off. I won't have abuse hurled at me at any time but especially when I am in a lockdown with two young children, while working 20 hours a week and home schooling TOTALLY ALONE. prick. Have had a great day today with the kids made such a difference being able to go out for a wall this morning. Had another hilarious "can you hear me?" Video conference for work, and have been doing some DIY. Today was good. You all okay?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 31/03/2020 20:37

OP... I'm glad you're seeing through his shady horrible actions and have the evidence the make sure your kids get what the are entitled too Flowers

ZandathePanda · 01/04/2020 00:05

I would log in and print off as many statements as you can to see if there are any weird transactions and also so he doesn’t say his salary has just increased. Get as much info as you can.
Also if there is a direct debit going into pensions etc. Pensions can get overlooked and can be negotiated on.

justilou1 · 03/04/2020 00:42

How are you feeling now, @Apricot10? Just checking to see that he’s stopped abusing you since you found him out. Is isolation driving you bonkers?

Original poster
Apricot10 · 03/04/2020 23:25

@justilou1 hi! Doing okay thanks. I haven't heard from him since and he hasn't called or text the kids in a week. In his strop he deleted WhatsApp, so they haven't video called him in over a week. 🙄
They haven't asked about him much, so we are just plodding on. They probably won't see him for a few months now.🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
justilou1 · 03/04/2020 23:59

So no news is good news, I guess! I’m glad you’re okay and the kids aren’t missing him too badly! Please take care!

BumbleBeee69 · 04/04/2020 21:30

every cloud OP.. Flowers

GigglingElephant · 10/04/2020 18:05

I spent yesterday evening reading the whole post from start to finish. I'm not sure why I clicked on it or why I was so taken with this but I just couldn't stop reading! Reading with the joy of hindsight, and knowing about the current developments...I was hoping karma would be blissful! And OMG the completely satisfying delight in knowing he's stuck with bimbo and you and your lovely children sound like you're taking this in your stride.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING MUM AND AN INSPIRATION OF A WOMAN!
Who's lined up to play you in the movie?! I'd watch it!
Sure, I bet things are tough at times but you genuinely radiate warmth and a gentle, resilient kind of strength - the type (I think) that tends to be undervalued but is actually so utterly badass!
I was trying to think of a joke about toilet paper shortage/panic buying and your ex being a dirty bum wipe - but didn't want to give him that air time. Total tosser.

RandomMess · 10/04/2020 18:55

Blimey just caught up with this, I saw it in the early weeks but you already had so many great people helping you.

I hope you told the council he moved out to get your single person discount, I also hope you go to CMS to get the correct maintenance he clearly is never going to be anything close to fair or reasonable...

Also ensure it is you paying the mortgage each month not him as it will matter when the equity split is sorted.

How is the divorce coming along?

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