Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hey shitwithsugaron - we're here and listening. Talk to us if you need to x

Can you take a sick day at all?

I'm so sorry @shitwithsugaron. Sending you hugs. I have no experience of ads but I know that with time it will get better. If you feel like talking then we're here.

shitwith I’m so so sorry (cassettes here, among the name changers). I can’t help re MH but I would definitely encourage you not to go to work today 💐

Ring in sick if you’ve not been In work since thurs it’s one incident and they can’t do shit.

@shit, sorry you are feeling low, the anti 'd's can do this initially, as can lack of sleep. Do you want to talk about how you are feeling about MrB? that may help x

So sorry to hear this @shitwithsugaron I'm around. And going through a break up of you want to chat.

@shitwithsugaron Oh i'm really sorry to hear that, and a sleepless monday/AD to boot. Slog it out till tonight and then hopefully you can sleep?

I am so so sorry. Consider writing down what’s happened in the first instance. You sound very torn up. Unsurprisingly. With love x

Notcool i am sorry lovely, you had done so well with the nc. what a twat he must be. At least the rose tinted glasses are off and you dont have to wonder. I am sending you a virtual hug and a unmumsnetty x

and xxx and hugs for you shitwith please take the day off work and look after yourself. We are all here, please talk if you need to. If you want to pm feel free to do so.

shit that sound awful and sounds like he showed his true colours, he treated you badly and tried to make out you were drunk or “mental” to your mum? Your probably feeling a mixture of emotions right now, anger being and upset being the main ones. He’s a total dick and you deserve much better. Be easy on yourself, rest and take time to get over what’s happened.

Shitwith: You are very much well rid of him. Very much indeed. Please visit family if you are close to them and I even found a friendly doctor to speak to about feelings. He was not frightened. He was abusive.

shitwithsugaron huge hug for you.
He was being abusive to you. Glad your mum was there to help you.

Please look after yourself. Can you talk to your family or friends about what happened?

I will say this once. Some individuals will provoke others into a reaction. Berating, playing with emotions, not responding, abusive subject content etc. You walked away. The right thing. Do not question yourself.

@shitwithsugaron really sorry for you. I'm just wondering whether the ADs and the drink combination had a bad effect on you causing you to seem more drunk. You said you tried to hit him. What did your mum say when she took him home? It sounds very toxic at this point in time and not great for you both to be around each other.

I'm so sorry shit. That sounds really upsetting an d frightening. Were you I an abusive relationship before? Is this the first time he's shown signs of abusive behaviour? You must be so shocked. Big hugs

So sorry @shitwithsugaron that sounds really frightening. Would a chat with women's aid be helpful to you? I've found them really supportive in the past

@shitwithsugaron that's really awful behaviour of his. Even if you were drunk (not that I'm saying you are) he should've looked after you not abused you. The one time I got too drunk with Mr R he helped me sober up and get home and was caring. I hope you have someone in real life who can look after you.

@shitwithsugaron ffs. All that time you were supportive of his mental health problems. You're ill on a bus- doesn't matter what the reason- and he grabs you. I did wonder if you were ok as you've been very quiet.

How long was it? I think just after me and Mr U so probably about the same, 8 months or so? If you feel anything like I did you just need to take it easy. I did go into college because I could just sit there and not engage but if you need to actually work at work then try to take the day off. Get signed off. Add in citalopram and you've got a horrible mix. Isn't that one of the worst for side effects? I've been on sertraline for 20 odd years so I can't remember but a close family member had a terrible time recently starting anti deps. Please go easy on yourself that's a lot to be dealing with. PM me if you feel like it.

We're having one of those weird thread waves, seems this one is where men show their true colours. No one else please....

@shit he has shown what he is, an abusive prick! Don't feel bad, just feel glad he showed you now rather than later. x

Oh @shitwithsugaron I'm so sorry to hear this

It seems to me from what you have said recently that things have been going downhill for a while and this was the last straw.

Obviously swinging at him wasn't ok but I'm sure you know this already and his behaviour sounds very aggressive and uncaring towards you.

Have you spoken since this happened? What was your mum's perspective on it as she was there towards the end?

I'm assuming you were on the anti-d's before this happened so i agree that the alcohol mixed with them could well have had a negative and unexpected effect on you, but even so, Mr B should have been looking after you, not being horrible.

You must be feeling horrible so if you can possibly not go in to work then look after yourself and stay home. Failing that, be honest (if you can) that you are struggling.

You will be ok. Allow yourself to hurt for a while but then dust yourself off and remember that you hadn't been completely happy in this relationship for a while xx