Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh NoMore what a twat your ex is for you.

I agree about the post-marriage sex - I've had an absolutely awesome time! Ex thought I was frigid (when in fact his drunkenness and nastiness put me right off him). I am so not frigid !!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking These are such early days for you. We've all had these moments where would would quite happily not be sorry if we never saw our exes again, but the reality of the situation is that you have 2 very small children who you share with this man, and you're going to either consume yourself with rage and bitterness at the unfairness of the situation (because it is frankly shit, we all know that), or muster every bit of dignity you have, plaster a smile on your face (or at least a neutral expression) and realise that these are the times that people are talking about when they say "the kids come first", and it's fucking hard. Are the children expecting to see him on Christmas Eve? Do you want them sitting in a Macdonald's just to prove your point or could you just let him come round for an hour whilst you have a hot bubble bath just letting him in and out of the house - you dont even need to speak to him? Since STBXH and I split nearly three years ago, we've had many moments as you've described, but the crux of it is, no matter how much you despise him, you need to do what's best for your children, heartbreaking for you as it may be. Just my musings, other may say strangle the bastard with some tinsel and they'll help you bury the body 🤷‍♀️

nomoreweeping I'm so sorry you are going through all this and hurting so much due to his actions. What a selfish shit he is. The best revenge is to show you don't care but i know it's all too raw at the moment for you.
And you have kids together so going to have his shit for many years. Everything he does at the moment is going to aggravate you,you just need to find a way of rising above it to keep yourself calm.Very hard,I know.
Maybe his parents can intervene and help if you're close to them.

JeSuis. They're ezpecting to see hin xmas day. I don't think they'd thought about xmas eve. He was expecting to come at lunchtime and stay over. He can whistle.

He can get here xmas morning.

I’ve been lurking for an age but just wanted to say, NoMore, I’ve been you- 2 and a half years ago and I remember the pain so well. It will pass, it will get better but it does need to take time.
Given the kids will see him xmas day I think you’re right to say no to him staying over on xmas eve- that probably shouldn’t have been on the cards anyway- boundaries are key to being able to maintain some dignity ive found and if your ex is anything like mine he will push against them constantly

As for everyone else having all this great sex can you tell me where I’m going wrong please!? EXh and I had a great sex life til he buggered off with another woman- I haven’t been able to have an orgasm with a man since!! It’s starting to put a strain on my new relationship because he thinks he’s not good enough- he is but I just can’t orgasm

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking the best revenge is drag out that divorce 2 long years 😂. Play the long game , he won’t go without sex that long surely

@QuestionableDanceMoves a lot of it for me is the build up like messages during the day and then kissing and touching while out or watching film etc so that you are pretty turned on way before the actual sex. Then loads of whatever you enjoy most. Also at the p in v part you can touch yourself the way you would alone that always works for me

@shitwithsugaron is there a friend who would come over ? If not have a total chill with you fave drink, bath, film etc. Don’t try and think what day it is. My dd dad is taking her for Xmas afternoon and I’ll be alone but I’ll be doing my fave things

That's not pathetic at all "shitwithsugaron". This year is my first Christmas without my kids and I feel absolutely gutted about it, tbh.
I think trying not to focus on the evening by doing something totally different is a great idea.
You are showing a lot of strength to break up with him despite the loneliness. So hold your head up high.

Questionabledancemoves what worked for me was letting go of the need to orgasm.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. We take our time and just focus on what's pleasurable.
It took a while for the trust to come back but he certainly shouldn't be putting pressure on you to orgasm.

@shitwithsugaron my first Christmas afternoon/night without the kids, no Christmas lunch etc so I get it, but also trying to plan things I enjoy, I bought a lovely looking ribeye today and plan to have it with sweet potato mash and I’ve bought a small chessboard to probably life on for a few days as that was the one thing I decided I still had to have.

So tinder date tomorrow,the last first date I went on was 12 years ago and I married him. I’m having a panic that I don’t look fat enough in my profile and he’s going to take one look and walk out, argh not liking the self esteem issues coming up!

@stuckinarut79. The not looking fat enough was something I’ve had in mind but it’s not been a problem at all 🤷🏼‍♀️. As long as your pics are recent and the real ‘you’ x

When im on my own I will be watching magic mike 1 and 2 😂

@Jane1978xx they are real and recent, but no standing up ones, I’ve had a few “you look like you’ve got huge boobs” and “I like big women” type messages so... but ....

Jane - can i do That if the nisi has already come through?

@nomore I’m not sure sorry I’m rubbish on the details

Oh shitwith big hugs to you lovely! It’s my first Xmas without the kids. I’m going to my mums. Can you spend it with family or friends.

nomorewanking your ex sounds like a prize twat but you need to breathe. I know you are angry and I totally get that but do make sure your decisions over the kids and Christmas are focused on what will be best for them. Your split was so recent. It does get easier I promise!

I still have no good good irons. Was talking to a guy last night and loads this morn but he has disappeared.

nomoreYou have to apply for absolute and have to wait 6 weeks after nisi (I think) honestly though it’s not worth it. The best revenge is making your own life as good as possible

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I thought the minimum was 6 months so I’m not sure at all

NoMore now that you've got you're nisi you can apply for absolute after 6 weeks and 1 day.

Either you or him can apply for absolute so if you dont he might.

Have you sorted your finances? Is your consent order lodged with the court yet?

Solicitors recommend not applying for absolute until consent order is at least lodged, ideally fully approved by a judge but that could take weeks.

So I set up some profiles on a few sites, have had a decent trickle of messages and hit it off with someone quickly and thought I would bite the bullet and so we met for a quick coffee today. I live in a VERY small town and who should come in while I'm on my 'date'....Mr RR!!! He had the decency not to say anything or acknowledge me at the time but it was awful.
He has been messaging since asking who I was with and his latest was
"I just don't understand why you have ended things with us with no real explanation, I care about you, he didn't look your type anyway"

I am not sure what to do, I won't give my date a name as he was as dull as dishwater anyway but what do I say to RR? Do I come clean and tell him that I'm madly in love with him and it can never work so that's why?! Or.... ahh men!

Just hopping on to send you hugs shit xx

What do you have to lose from being honest with him, mid?

@Zzzz19
I have been lurking for a while as well and am only interested in seeing someone once a week for dates etc can anyone recommend the best site for this ?

Also please can someone tell me what “iron “ is as have been wondering for a while ?????