Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Also... have you reported him?

Bloody hell shitwith what a horrible end - and after all the support you have given him too. I’m livid for you 😡

Sorry to hear what happened. My ex h would wind me up I until I reacted (verbally) then would tell me I was mental and needed help

That whole situation sounds deeply upsetting and traumatising. Give yourself plenty of time to recover.

Mine did that too Jane!

@shitwithsugaron I don't know what to say, other than I am so sorry. Please take gentle care of yourself and let others do the same. You sound broken by this

@Jane1978xx oh yeah. So did mine. I'd forgotten about that. So I was the one shouting and starting the arguments. I've forgotten so much.

Anyway. @shitwithsugaron you've gone very quiet hoping you're with someone irl

@shitwithsugaron It doesn’t feel like it now but you will be okay and you will overcome this. You haven’t done anything wrong, he’s a prick. Mixing citalopram with alcohol can make people drowsy and make them slur, that could have made you appear drunk to others.

As awful as it is, you have seen his true colours now, rather than 6,12,18 months in the future.

Hope you are ok @shitwithsugaron this isn't the first time he's been a dick to you when our with his friends. And even if you had been rip roaring drunk he should have looked after you and not had a go at you.

I'm sorry things have ended badly. Believe me I understand this very well. I hope you are ok today and if you have had to go to work you have gotten through it OK.

My stbxh did similar. Complete range of emotional abuse from complete apathy to me and my interests or any conversation I might try to start. Making me feel stupid for not being able to do certain things. Bullying me around sex, making me feel like I had to sleep with him or he'd kick off around the kids.

And then when I reacted to his horrible behaviour, I worried I was as bad as him. Women's Aid firmly assured me that this wasn't the case.

Please be really kind to yourself @shitwithsugaron💐

He provoked you.

Just hopping on to send hugs to you shit and to reiterate what others have said about at least he's shown you his true colours now and not further down the line.
And devil your comment about sex and dtd even when you didn't want or you'd worry about him taking it out on the dc reminded me of how things used to be with my abusive ex 😬

I'm just hoping you didn't go on AD's due to the stress of being in a poor relationship. I've done that years ago. Nevertheless you need to take the greatest care of yourself from now on. Sorry you're going through this shit 😔

Oh goodness @shitwithsugaron-he said that? You've supported him through his own MH issues though? And his dc being in hospital (I'm sure that was you?).

You are best out of that relationship before he wore away at you even more. It might not feel like it now, but it will.

Read your update shit what a grade A bastard saying those things to you and all under the guise of being 'caring' - he would have got worse as time went on.soo glad you're out of it and in time you will be too x

Omg @shitwithsugaron. So the undermining was starting. Have you read The Yellow Wallpaper?

Yes, def better off although it hurts.

@TheDevilsPedicure i I always doubt my ex was abusive. And then I read something and realise that yes he really was. The thing with the interests. Both him and the DCs stopped me talking about my new hobby because I was boring. If I spoke at length about anything I was going on in an unedited way. If I tried to start a conversation he would say, what do you want? I'm reading paper/watching tv/driving. When we were with other people he would pick up things afterwards that I'd said wrong. Or I'd been boring. Or inappropriate. He's incredibly judgemental and doesn't really like anyone. If I mentioned I was having problems with someone or didn't like something they'd done/said it was because I was judgemental. If I got into an argument whether that was with a bus driver or my bff it was always always always my fault.

Omg. Sorry. I know this isn't the place but I want to get it out as I'm realising!!!

Does anyone know if there's a way of going back and reading all your old posts? I think it would be really interesting. @shitwithsugaron if you could you'd see that you've not been supported in a while.

shit he obviously hasn’t helped your mental health. I almost got into the same situation with Mr Skinny, found myself sinking into a dark place due to his outlook on life and the way he was treating me. Things will get better and you will probably realise that he wasn’t helping you at all, he was making things worse.

@shitwithsugaron don't do it- really don't. You can't be in a relationship with him after he has been abusive. There's nothing to gain from speaking to him.

Don't speak to him @shitwithsugaron maybe if you need to in a few weeks to get closure, but not when you're raw. It will just hurt. Whatever he says will upset you. He's a class A shit. We've all got your back. I know we're not real but we're here.