Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’m relatively new to OLD, three months so far. I have no idea where I’m going wrong, none of the guys I like like me back and the guys that do like my profile or ask to chat are all either in their 20s or early 30s or their late 60s and early 70s. I’m in my mid fifties and would like to meet someone reasonably close to my own age. I do look young for my age but not that young! Is this just how it is?

Thank you for any advice, thoughts on this.

I only speak to people that I approach and that seems to work better then I can talk to people around my own age and location. If you go on Pof you can do a search by age and location, I do that and then message people who interest me and I prob get.an 80% response rate.

What sites are you on? You need to change your age settings I reckon. I’m 57 and my settings were 48-60

Ah that's disappointing, NoMore. It really depends on his own boundaries, right? Like I was up for experiencing new things when I first started dating after my ex, but after a few experiences I've formed some firm boundaries. I know what I like, and probably most people in their late 30s are pretty set in their ways. Is he up for experimentation?

He's early 30s... it's only bloody anal play. And thanks to DD's birth someyimes i can't fucking orgasm without it. So it's fairly essential in my book. And there wasn't any confusion Jane

Hrm. I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater but this could be a dealbreaker...

Bah. Oh well. Still have Mr Pilates for taking care of physical needs if necessary. No issues with HIS kink levels...

Sorry that was my in joke with myself 😂. Apparently from behind doesn’t mean what I thought to everyone 🤦‍♀️. Would he use a toy maybe 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking you must have somehow found the only man under 35 NOT into that. Most men seem to be obsessed with it these days.

The problem may be discussing it in the cold light of day via message. He may feel different actually in the bedroom and be persuadable. But he's only a possible FWB (I think?) so maybe not so important?

@NotcoolmumI'm sorry to hear about Mr S - what a cock. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve more. Like others have said though, at least you won't have any 'what ifs' now and can gradually put that one to rest for good. Enjoy the festive period with people who DO care about you x

Things are still good with me and Mr Ad. Seeing him tomorrow after a week so can't wait. We are spending Xmas evening into boxing day evening together and also NYE.

I don't know what long term prospects there are for us due to some things he needs to sort out (financially, mostly) but I am happy with how things are for now and for the forseeable and he is hopefully meeting my kids after Xmas and vice versa. They both know about each other though.

@unambiguousbeard I was going to say the same 😂 @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking he's a rarity in his age group that's for sure

Good to hear @Sunshineandflipflops I'm shocked as I had believed him to be kind and genuine. And that he had real feelings for me. I now know differently. So my self worth has taken a bit of a battering.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking there are men who don't like anal play?! Shocked!!

I've never met a guy who has specified or shown a liking for anal play...I must be in the minority but I'm perfectly happy with that. Call me boring...

@Notcoolmum Did he give a reason for ending things again?

@Sunshineandflipflops not really. In all honesty I wasn't sure myself after we had spent some time together. Some of my memories were rose tinted for sure. My plan was to give us a few weeks to see how it developed. We had a minor disagreement. He saw his arse. Was incredibly cold to me and the next thing I know he was on dating sites and more or less telling me to leave him alone. Wasn't up for talking things through or showing empathy. Until this point I remained warm to him and would have considered any ending to have happened mutually and potentially leaving us with a friendship.

Most men I've slept with recently have definitely shown an interest in AP!!

I applied rule 12 last night y'all. This felt like a bigger deal than it was, because my ex trained me to not bother asking for anything for myself. All I said to Mr G was that I'd love a good morning message from him since we are in a different time zone, and it helps me feel connected to him more. He apologised and said he would do it. He didn't need to apologise, of course, but it was a nice conversation and gave me a bit more confidence to speak up when I want/need things. A work in progress. Obviously at this stage of the relationship we haven't really had any issue with that but it's nice to know I can have a simple, adult type convo about things.

perfect pretender - good for you! It's absurdly hard to ask for things isn't it?

unambiguous no. I was kind of vaguely wondering if this might be more than FWB... Gutted

Yes, it's ridiculous! But I'll get there. I'm a fast learner.

Sorry about Mr Fast Work.

shit hope you are ok? Sounds like you need to focus on yourself right now, starting anti depressants isn’t easy, I take my hat off to you because I couldn’t cope with the side effects, the first 2 weeks are generally the worst and riding it out isn’t easy. Sending you a huge hug x

Hey @shitwithsugaron really sorry to hear that. When you start taking ad they can make you feel worse initially. If nothing else is working I’d suggest just going to bed and sleeping

@shitwithsugaron sorry to hear that. Have you anyone in RL that can be with you today

Oh god, so sorry to hear this, shitwith. Have you got someone irl nearby?

Try one of the sleep apps or headspace to help you sleep. If you feel really bad then contact your doctor and they may be able to give you something temp to help. I’ve had days where I feel like I’m buried and it hurts but it does get better honestly

@shitwithsugaron 💐 so sorry you're feeling so bad. Well done for keeping going with the AD's, I've tried and failed with them in the past. It WILL get better, as bad as you feel now, it will improve x