Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@shitwithsugaron I think it's concern too. May not be coming out in the right way but I think that's what it is.

I know we discussed how many of us have been in abusive relationships not too long ago. For me, after getting away from my ex I vowed I won't ever tolerate anything abusive again. One of my best friends is with an abusive husband and they are making plans to separate but sometimes I get frustrated by her minimising of things or in the past actually staying with him. It's obviously her choice and I full well know it's not easy but I've tried to say things to help her as constructively as I can. This mainly has been to make sure she is safe and to contact women's aid which she has done.

My own feelings are that when there is any form of abuse in a relationship it shouldn't continue. I never want to be in the position I was again. I really hope you're doing ok.

I'm glad you are @shitwithsugaron. And good you've got the thread here for you.

I understand @shitwithsugaron

I'm sure not the same but I have been stuck in the middle between family and a partner. It's difficult and not a nice place to be. I hope your DM comes around and can be more supportive.

@shitwithsugaron Your mum is obviously worried about you but I agree she's not really displaying this in the best way.
If things were to go wrong with you and and Mr B then she's making it very difficult for you to go to her for support.

Welcome back sleepy

Waaah I’m really struggling with all the make changes. Was it tooold who kept a spreadsheet of irons at one point? I’m gonna have to start one for name changes 😂

midthirties well he obvs really likes you to want to be friends without. See how you get on!

Aw shitwith that sounds hard. Do you normally have a good relationship with your mum? If so I imagine it’s coming from trying to protect you. If I remember correctly Mr B involved your mum in what happened last week? Obviously you should do what is right for you but just be wary lovely. We are all here for you so keep posting

shitwith I do agree with sunshine can you tell her that? You need her to support you and to know she will be there?

She did see how he was with you @shitwithsugaron
If you put yourself in her shoes she might just be very anxious for you and it's coming out as anger. Perhaps she will calm down enough for you to talk to her.

Aw Shitwith I remember you and MrB it was a bit of a success story Just read back though and he did drag your mum into it a bit so I can see why she’s having trouble coming round. But then she’s not helping you have someone to talk to, but then maybe he’s exhibiting the same behaviours as your family do like you say. Doesn’t mean you your accept them from any of them.

@shitwithsugaron from your story behind all this, your mum saw a lot plus Mr B spoke to her too. She could have easily believed him but she didn't, and sounds like she wants to protect you and your children from any further heartache. Is this genuinely what you want to do? He didn't treat you very well at all IMO.

Well I went to the singles night on Saturday, didn’t speak to any men but had a nice time chatting to the women! Think it did my confidence good just to make small talk with strangers!
Unexpectedly have an iron, matched this evening, coffee arranged for Friday before even exchanging numbers! Seems like a chatty normal bloke, so following all the rules, he’s very local, we were getting on so straight to coffee and see if there’s anything there. I’ve a suspicion we’re miles apart politically so probably doomed!

stuckinarut go you!

I have a date tonight with a lovely man on match. Nervous but looking forward to it too. Chat has been easy hoping it's the same in RL

btw what does 'Iron' mean?

@shitwithsugaron of course you make your own decisions. My point was that your mum appears to be reacting emotionally and that suggests concern and care. Even though she isn't expressing it well. And given she saw you both together mid row and he involved her in it I can understand why she would have a strong reaction.

I also understand how difficult it is it not to be supported. I got back with my ex husband after a few months. I realised it was a mistake almost straight away but my family refused to talk to me after taking him back so ironically it took me longer to end things again without any support.

How are things with Mr B?

if you have a good relationship with her shitwith I would tell her how you feel. I expect she is reacting badly due to emotion.

@shitwithsugaron I always have to be the peace maker with mine. I'd tell her you really appreciate her concern and you are sorry she was dragged into something so ugly. You understand where she's coming from but you have to make your own decisions and maybe mistakes. Hope Xmas goes ok.

That sort of cold shoulder behaviour is a pattern of abuse in my experience. My own mom does it, and so did my ex. I'm ignoring my mom right now because she blew up at me after I didn't behave exactly how she wanted me to behave and I am tired of ameliorating her emotional outbursts. So I'm not taking her calls or answering her messages. I don't want to be treated like that anymore. My ex would ignore me for weeks at a time. Weeks! It was ridiculous.

Back from Mr Greedy’s. No Christmas love story here folks, sorry! I don’t have the feels, I think I just got carried away by the necklace and the sex (story of my life). There’s not enough between us for a relationship. Won’t see him now until the new year, if then. Ho hum

So familiar. So so so familiar. A funny recent one from my mom - I left my church shortly after leaving my ex, for lots of good reasons. She hasn't been to church in years and years herself, but she had the audacity to ask me how am I going to be a good person now, without going to church?

Its insulting but it's also just laughable. I think I'm going to go no contact, it's just easier.

@shitwithsugaron your mum isn't that much older than me. And I react emotionally and say things I shouldn't to my DD. Unless you feel your relationship isn't generally a good one I'd try and cut her some slack. She was brought into a toxic argument between you and Mr B. She saw a very unpleasant side to him and she's reacting to it. She did come out to get you when you needed her. So she's not all bad?