Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Yeh I missed that too @supercali77 and would agree that's not on. And is a bit controlling. So by withholding herself she's hoping to influence your decision? But I don't know how I'd react if my daughter went back to an abusive partner. I think sometimes with parenting their decisions can feel like a reflection of you and so you can take them very personally. It's something I struggle with with my DD as she becomes an adult.

@Spritesobright. Yes ! Same for me. And who knew it could be 4 or more times in a few hours 🤷🏼‍♀️. Yes it was defo useful 😂 also made me feel attractive and wanted again. Things may start up again in jan but it’s going to be a bigger gap of not seeing each other than we saw each other.

@Spritesobright I'm with you on the post-marriage sex! I separated, turned 40 and my sex drive went through the roof!

not at all @shitwithsugar I think we all know what we'd do but it's different in reality.

a mix of posts on the board. hugs to all those having a hard time.

myself and mr builder are still messaging and meeting up. it has only been a few weeks but feels like longer. still haven't asked if hes using apps but I feel like hes not and dont really feel I need to ask so dont think I will.

Havent really been out on 'dates' which suits me as I'm short on money. Hes coming over again tomorrow, dont normally get to bed till 5 when he comes over lol the night just seems to fly by.

He just called to tell me he wanted to introduce his girlfriend to our children.

And he kept ringing back after i told him what i thought and hung up on him.

In this situation screaming 'fuck off' repeatedky down the phone and hanging up is acceptable. Yes?

Oh. And I was driving rainy country roads for 35 mins to pick the kids up. Which he knew.

He rang back repeatedly again aftet the fuck offs. At which point i told him yhat if he called me again today I would first ring his girlfriend (which i have gracefully resisted doing previously) followd by plastering all over fb what he had done to me 'you shit'.

He has stopped calling.
I am still shaking and trying to get calm by the time my friend brings the children to me.

Its not fair. Why does he get to move on while i am stuck in hell? How the fuck am i supposed to co-parent xmas with him now? I want to beat him to pieces with whatever heavy object comes to hand first.

What a piece of shit.

Sunshineandflipflops and Jane I know!! It's so nice to talk to people about it who understand. I get the sense my friends don't really want to hear about the amazing post-marriage sex I'm having but I can't get over how different it feels and how different I feel.
My ex accused me of 'lacking passion' in bed but he was very critical at the time in general, we had young children so I was exhausted and the sex was the same every time.
Now with MrNSS he takes his time and we just enjoy each other's company, in bed, for hours. And it's like a whole new world.

Oh god, post marriage sex is amazing. Mr G and I .... The best.

Nomoreweepingandwanking I know how you feel. My ex did the same last week and his girlfriend is the OW who he's broken up with multiple times. It's really shit.

How long have you been separated and how long has he been with her?
It sounds like it's all really fresh to you.
I have had 18 months to process his affair and the separation so it still hurt but not nearly as much as would have done early on.
My children got back and mentioned not a word about her, which was great. So you may find that your children similarly find her totally irrelevant. She'll never replace you, obviously, and she will know this even as she tries to 'be nice.'

That is really shit having to spend Christmas together after this new revelation. I did it last year and vowed never again.

Post marriage sex is pretty amazing 🤣, my sex life with ex was pretty vanilla and towards the end was non existent, i thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want it and wasn’t enjoying it. I have had some pretty amazing experiences since being single 🤣🤣🤣, I should have walked away from ex sooner.

I think you just click with some people in bed better than others. My ex wife and I didn’t have fireworks, the girlfriend after. Wow. Maybe it’s just a post marriage bounce (literally

I choose to be single now. I enjoy it more. Trying to find a woman who just wants to meet one a week or so for Dinner etc is hard. Many have been ok with it at first but have pushed for more. I may try again in the New Year.

Sorry I’m intruding on your thread here. Hope you all find what you are looking for and have a good Xmas!

It makes me very to think of all us post-marriage ladies now having the amazing sex that we deserve after so many years of boring, same-old, married sex.

Update from me! MrM and I have been together for almost 10 weeks now and going strong with lovely plans for Boxing Day. I fall in love with him ever more every time I see him and it's disgustingly sweet! He's my soulmate, lover, boyfriend and future. It's very strange to have met someone so like me with the same personality, sense of humour and daft outlook on life.

@Sunshineandflipflops glad all is well with MrAD and I felt sad on what would have been my 5th wedding anniversary in August.

@shitwithsugaron I've been following your updates and just wanted to send hugs and wanted to echo what other have said about your mother. I think having saw what she did that night she's just trying to protect you rightly or wrongly you're still her child. I think she's going about it the wrong way though. Hope you and Mr B make it and he ends up being your one.

Love all the newbies and wanted to say welcome to this thread - it has really helped me through my 10 months of OLD - it's a proper rollercoaster and the rules are so important

Oh I can't wait!

Is it awful that was one of my main motivators to leave?

Not at all @shitwithsugaron we all have to make our own decisions and we are here to support each other through them.

@shitwithsugaron a situation as complex as yours no one can really know or judge in the summary you write in a few paragraphs. Only you can know what is right for you.

@Spritesobright yes ! It’s great. And even the things like sending messages before and after as well. Makes you feel young again as well.

When I had sex with my ex it was just him doing what he needed to do and getting me to do what he needed (if that makes sense). But I never bothered to change him 🤷🏼‍♀️. I think some thanks needs to go to the ex wives and gf of these men who trained them well 😂.

Mr Ad had a virtually non existent sex life with his ex so I think he is enjoying the post-marriage sex too!

I think also the fact that we only see each other 1-2 times a week helps keep the passion alive too. I think it fades a bit naturally when you live with someone, wash their Smalls, etc.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking did your ex have an affair with this woman? If so, I think 3 months is nowhere near long enough to be introducing your kids. My ex introduced his OW after 6 months and I felt that was too soon (because of who she was). The kids barely ever mentioned her though and they have split now so...

I told the ex today that the kids would be meeting Mr Ad this weekend and his reaction was "ok". I expected more but I guess I'm ok with "ok".

Yes. She's the OW. She only left her husband 6 weeks ago. He and I separated 3 months ago. He's on FF to his perfect happily ever after.

If he wants to have a relationship her then fine. Crack on. Whatever. But leave my chikdren out of it. He does not need them to validate his fucking relationship.

I called his mum hysterical and sobbing and she and his dad have told him to wind his fucking neck in and this was both far too soon and a ridiculous time to have brought it up with xmas round the corner.

He's a twat because it's made me really angry and not wanting him in the house. He's going to find his life is that much harder from now on. He can't come on Christmas eve now.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking He's a dick. You are very much right to be kicking off.

Heh. Just told him he couldn't come on xmas eve.

"Have a relationship with her fine. Crack on. Whatever. Enjoy the blue balls. But leave my children out of it. They are not required to validate your fucking life choices"

He's asked me not to contact his parents. Told me we need to remain civil because of the children. Ffs. All i asked is that he left me the fuck alone but he kept going and going.

I've blocked and deleted him.
If he wants me he can call the landline or email. I'm done having him in my space.

I am so angry and hurt. How hard is it to respect my boundaries and not contact me any more?

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking and your kids are primary school age if I remember ? So they are the most impressionable age and it’s too much for them. Has she or is she moving in ? Is that why so he can have her over when he has kids.

My exh has an affair a number of years ago and he’s still in touch with the woman and went to her wedding . And dd has met her which I think is weird but she’s in his friendship extended group.

Why can’t you contact his parents ! If you and they want to maintain contact why not

No. She's religious and won't let him even sleep over before marriage.

Other people's morals are bizarre. Someone else's husband whilst still married yourself? Fine. As long as you don't let him get his dick wet.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking The OW is religious?! What religion condones adultery?!