Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh god yes. Him. God. You upset his sensitivities. Hello, welcome back... I think!

Marlboro... I don't think so. He was very clear that he was not interested in anything more when we started and when I finished the benefits part of our 'relationship' he took it a bit too well. He has been keen to remain friends and has initiated a meet for coffee, suggested days out etc and I would like to keep our friendship so I don't want to risk that by revealing I have the feels... but then part of me does think heck, we only live once... then I have a reality check!

@unambiguousbeard hi! Have you name changed since I was last here?

Ha unambiguous, don’t mind being back, you lot ARE my longest post divorce relationship

Hi shit

Yes I was peanuthedz.

I changed in a fit of positivity and also because @peanutbuttermouth was confusing me!

Hi all
I've been lurking for a little while.
Was on some previous threads back when dont date the thread came about!
My situation is I was on the apps last spring, met a wonderful guy who I fell hook line and sinker for! Had a wonderful 5 months, he met my dc and then I discovered he was married 🥺
On and off contact for about 6 weeks then I finally blocked him on everything and have rejoined the apps.
Been on a few dates. One guy I like, I'll call him Mr German, been on a few dates but he works away a lot so it's averaging one date a fortnight currently which makes it difficult to build a rapport and feel like I'm actually getting to know him.
Have another iron, yet to date him as he cancelled our first date due to man flu! I did break a rule and slightly over invest with him so I'm trying to pull back and remember the rules 🙄
So I'm feeling pretty melancholy currently, time of year I guess and still for lingering thoughts of Mr Married so sympathy to everyone else with the dating blues currently

I have a bit of a difficult question... How do you work out if you're dating for the right reasons/ready to date post split.

Since dating, I've realized that I'm very much still coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was abusive. And obviously as I have DC I still have to interact with a narcissist exH.

At first I was keeping everything mentally separate, but now struggling to do that. Also feel v gulity that I'm unleashing a whole she'd load of crazy on anyone I date. But I can't just switch off having had a shit week courtesy of exH and be relaxed and happy dating...

So, am I not ready. Am I dating to distract myself? Is that fair?

It was only an observation I had assumed it would be teenagers 🤷🏼‍♀️

@midthirtiesandsingle so you're remaining friends?

Uncorrected I could have posted that, word for word. I'll be interested to see the responses! I feel like I'm being a bit too obsessive about not falling into that kind of relationship again and had a bit of a falling out with MrY because he does something my exh used to (think leaving the toilet seat up). On the one hand, it's a small/minor/non issue. On the other, BOUNDARIES.
Interested to know what you lot think a relationship "should" be like after 3 months?

@UncorrectedDoormat

I was the same
I had too much emotion and too much bitterness. I was dating a nice guy once and ended up crying when drunk that I missed my ex who was his best mate! It was so messed up. I looked a mess and was a mess. I felt like I couldn’t be happy unless I had someone love me.

When I realised I was ready to date was when I had completely forgotten about, well pretty much men completely. Then I had some time to think well why not? I have no feelings for any exes anymore and can laugh about ‘my crazy past’ but it doesn’t feel part of ME anymore I am a new person

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt

I think after 3 months a real RS should look like fun still. Still fun. Still getting to know each other. Still being happy. Still excited. Still smiling at messages, still liking cuddling. But not planning marriage or babies. You need to keep reality in check 😂

Supercali- yes, we are remaining friends, although I have naturally had to distance myself while I dealt with my feelings for him. He is very keen to remain friends and I'm happy to. I'm not sure how that will work when I do start dating again but unlike my other fwb's in the past, Mr RR is a truly decent guy. Hardworking, loyal, great morals, I can talk about anything with him and I know that if ever I needed him he would drop everything and be by my side... friends like that are hard to find and I don't want to lose that.

@shitwithsugaron that doesn't sound good. Did you post about it here? If so can you recap? (Of course unless you don't want to then tell me to do one )

@shitwithsugaron I think your DM is trying to protect you. I'm worrying that you've gone back to give a second chance to someone who has been physical with you. That a final no in my books. No second chance.

I'm not condoning how she's communicating her concern for you, but I think that's what it is.

@UncorrectedDoormat

Nothing wrong with distraction dating . In fact I found it very helpful as it helped with loneliness. When the real thing came along it was so obvious that it was different.

True @Menora but it's hard to keep your feet on the ground. I'm so tempted to be irresponsible and move ... well apply for jobs at least. I have never felt this way before, I was calculating, I weighed things up (I was married for nearly 20 years!) maybe I just struck lucky (and he feels the same)

@midthirtiesandsingle that's great if you are able to stay friends. I'll always consider my FWB a friend but we agreed we can't stay in contact (he's seeing someone now). I couldn't speak to him regularly, it would hurt too much. I've dealt with it by not allowing myself to think of him that much and trying to move on and remember there WILL be other people who make me feel like he did

@lifeisgoodagain

All you have to remember is that this is the stage when everyone is presenting their best self. You need to get past this honeymoon phase to really see the real person. So don’t rush