Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you date a guy that earns a lot more than you but you like to go dutch but can't keep up?

258 replies

mummytippy · 05/12/2019 14:37

So I started seeing a guy at the end of Sept... we went out for drinks, then a couple of meals... but my income means I can't go out as much as he'd like to because I'm on a very tight budget. I have a 13 yo and he has an 8 yo. He earns approx 4 times more than me (not his fault and I don't resent this). Because of my money situ, I suggested I cook a meal. I didn't say I'm on cruddy wages/with high outgoings, namely my rent, I just said I've had a lot to pay out recently so do you fancy coming to mine for a meal this time. In return he then cooked at his place/got a take away, I bought the wine. Problem I have now is we seem to be staying in all the time. He'll suggest cooking at mine mostly as his dc lives mainly with mum and I don't like to leave my 13 yo.
Also, the other day he said he was going to re-join the gym (turns out same gym I'm at) so I asked him to mention my name (free month for the referral worth £19 and I would have bought him a drink). When I asked him if he'd joined he said yes, but he was sorry he'd done a black Friday deal instead of mentioning my name... 2 months free... obv a better deal but he'd see me right. I don't like to admit this but it really annoyed me! Tomorrow he's suggested us going out and I as usual I have no money. Thoughts and ideas welcome to try and set some sort of way forward for us before we just stay in all the time as we've been out for 2 meals so far and 3 lots of drinks in 2 months. He's also stayed at mine with his dc and we've stayed in and done done pizza night etc. Last weekend he was away in Spain on a lads weekend which was arranged after we'd been dating about a month... he bought me a bottle of Baileys in Duty Free. I just feel like we've skipped dating and I'm not being wooed... how do I say something? Any thoughts welcome. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Missarad · 13/01/2020 21:32

I'd send a message when he says are we going out I'd say ye if your paying and see what he says

mummytippy · 13/01/2020 21:54

he hasn’t suggested going out since he learnt my financial circumstances.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 13/01/2020 22:22

I feel like this guy can't win either way.
On one hand you want things to be equal so he stops suggesting nights out etc when you finally explain to him that you can't afford them, you then moan that sometimes it would be nice if he was generous and treated you and then he does treat you and your child at Christmas and your not happy about that because you can't match it.
Can this guy actually do anything right?

mummytippy · 13/01/2020 22:32

Strawberry he has money to go out for drinks with his friends. And he knows my ds goes to his dad EOW. The odd drink out as a treat would be nice. Have you read my comment about his birthday meal?

OP posts:
Zucker · 13/01/2020 22:49

You need to find a way to stop yourself from offering. Are you filling an awkward silence with him? Let him come up with some suggestions.

So if he suggests eating in, say "Perfect pick up some ingredients on your way"
If he suggests a drink in the pub "Sounds great". Buy rounds in turns.

You need to stop the constant till roll whirring in your mind if you want to carry on seeing him.

If he does suggest a restaurant, would there be anything wrong in saying you're not sure you can stretch to it, buy hey lets look it up online and check the prices out. A conversation can stem from there?

strawberry2017 · 13/01/2020 22:54

Yeah and I'm not really sure what the issue was. £40 is cheap for 2 adults. If you couldn't afford it you should have told him or not offered to pay.
You seem to want to pick and choose when you think it's acceptable for him to spend money on you. Christmas wasn't good enough he spent to much but it's fine if he takes you out for drinks.
He's not a mind reader. He's clearly trying but nothing is acceptable.
You should break up with him for his own sake as I said he can't win!

namechangenewness · 14/01/2020 00:05

If you're at the point of him buying your DS presents etc. then you're at the point where you can be honest about the financial situation that's ongoing between the two of you.
As pp said I don't think £40 for two adults is expensive and he may be of the same mindset so in the moment he hasn't considered that this is expensive to you.
Also if he is careful with money and isn't taking you out as often as you'd want you either have to suck it up because after all you can't afford to anyway or find someone else.

OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart · 14/01/2020 00:12

Why is it taboo to discuss your finances?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread