Husband wont let my friend stay at christmas although my friend will be alone

[imnosupernanny]

Hi

One of my best friends who is a male had lived with us for a few months as he was homeless after his relationship with his parents broke down (he is a student in his late twenties). He returned to uni this autumn, far away.
He will be alone in university halls this Christmas, and it breaks my heart. My husband refuses to let him come and stay with us. He knows this is really upsetting me but he says I must choose between Christmas and him and that if my friend comes then he (my husband) will leave. We have three sons. We all got on fine with my friend when we were living together but my husband is jealous of how well me and my friend get on.
However I cant understand how cold hearted my husband is being, refusing to let him stay just for a few days, when otherwise he will be alone.
I dont know what to do. This is my house too and I know how upset I will feel at christmas knowing my friend is alone. Please advise.

This is ridiculous! We are talking a young healthy man! He can organise some activity or event over the holidays if he is worried about being bored or lonely.

I would be annoyed about this level of imposition upon your family and household if I was your dh. And it is not always about jealousy. I like my own space and don’t want people visiting and filling up my time off work.

Well done OP, I'm pleased to see your update.

I think hubby comes first here TBH .I think I would be a little bit put out that you and this "friend " seem to have so much in common ! He will feel left out and its his Christmas too .Why has this guy fallen out with his family anyway ,and why is it "up to you "to sort it? You sound over invested in him and DH is right not to like this .Your friend wont be completely alone anyway .My DS was at Uni ,and said that there were several foreign students and some staff members there ,when I expressed surprise that his friend who was from the far east couldnt afford to go home that year

Sounds like you are having an emotional affair with your friend. The fact that you are unsure about what to do when your marriage is on the line says a lot. You have got to put some distance between you and your friend. Your husband has been more than accommodating when your friend stayed in you and your DP's house for months.

@imnosupernanny I think you have a complete lack of respect and empathy for your husband. You talk about wanting to help people and do the right thing but it sounds to me like you couldn’t give a monkey’s for your own husband.
Sounds like he has been more than accommodating and you’re striving g to paint him in a bad light on here to get people to back you up.
Not cool. Focus on your family. You are convincing yourself you’re being altruistic but you’re really being incredibly selfish

how destructive your 'saviour complex' is to your marriage

I think samphire has put her finger on it. (And I say this as someone who wrestles with her own saviour complex, so I do understand how strong the impulse is).