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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guy I was chatting to on whatsapp just disappeared !

302 replies

AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:18

For a month now I was chatting on phone and messaging a guy I met online. Twice we had to postpone meeting due to ill health either he was not well or I was not well. Our last contact was last Thursday night and I have heard nothing since then, it's now been 6 days. I have noticed the last time he was on whatsapp was the last time he messaged me so he isn't communicating with anyone on whatsapp. He definitely has not blocked me as I can see his online status and no reason for him to stop contact as we were getting on extremely well. I called 2 days ago twice and went straight to voicemail. I have no idea if something tragic has happened to him and no way of finding out. I don't know what to think anymore as this is quite uncharacteristic of him to do this. It has been now 6 days which is very unusual for him not to get in touch. At the beginning I was angry that he wasn't going on whatsapp not reading my messages but now it looks like he isn't using his phone completely and am now worried and extremely sad that it looks like it's come to an end. If he was physically able to, he could log on to dating site he found me on from pc and message me that way but he hasn't and not answering to mail from site that I am sending. I don't know what to think. Every morning he used to whatsapp me good morning or every other morning around 5.45 am before he went on his morning run and am worried something happened last Friday when I heard nothing. I feel so devastated 😔

OP posts:
crazyangel1981 · 04/12/2019 11:22

He's blocked your number to prevent calls, hence why it goes straight to voicemail, but he hasn't blocked you on WhatsApp which is why you can still see his online status.

You've been ghosted.

Forget about it and move on.

Menora · 04/12/2019 11:23

I’m sorry this has happened
It is more likely he is married to be honest unfortunately
I don’t think there is much you can do

nocluewhattodoo · 04/12/2019 11:23

I would imagine that if he hasn't been on whatsapp at all then something has come up in his life and chatting has fallen to the wayside. I know it's hard not to worry and wonder but you have to let it go, I had been talking to someone from my past for a few months and he disappeared from whatsapp and all social media suddenly, I'm not blocked he just isn't active anymore. It torture to keep thinking about it, but very hard to put out of your mind so I understand OP.

YouJustDoYou · 04/12/2019 11:25

His girlfriend/wife has caught him cheating and he's had to delete WhatsApp to "prove" he's no longer cheating on her.

He will reinstall soon, as misses the ego boosting too much, and will give an excuse such as his mother/father/insert relative here (sometimes it's also a dog or other pet) has died/went into hospital and he's been too distraught to contact.

YouJustDoYou · 04/12/2019 11:26

Sorry, block in WhatsApp. He'll unblock you soon once the suspicion has died down.

Middersweekly · 04/12/2019 11:27

It could be as simple as, he’s lost his phone or had it stolen or he’s married and been found out! He could have deleted his WhatsApp app and your calls may be blocked as PP suggested. Either way I would put a line under it and move on.

RantyAnty · 04/12/2019 11:31

Very likely his wife/gf caught him.

It's really best to meet someone right away as chatting online for long periods of time, builds a fantasy about the person that isn't reality.

sadladytoday · 04/12/2019 11:31

If you google it, when somebody blocks you on WhatsApp, their last seen is the time they blocked you.

If you really wanna know for sure, get a mate to add his number and see when he was last seen then.

MashedSpud · 04/12/2019 11:32

He’s either used someone else’s photo or described himself as an Adonis when he isn’t and panicked (postponed meeting).

Or

He’s married or has a girlfriend.

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:49

My sister just added him to her whatsapp and last seen status is exactly the same as mine, last Thursday night at 10pm. So definitely not blocked. I know he is not in a relationship, was living with his cousin. Something definitely gone wrong with his phone..don't know what to do..

OP posts:
Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:50

Mashed spud, he didn't postpone it intentionally, we were both unwell. We badly wanted to meet up

OP posts:
SPloveslife34 · 04/12/2019 11:59

There is another explaination it could be a second phone which he isn't using anymore or a works phone lots of people through OLD do this all you can do is see if he contacts you ? You can check someone on Facebook and social media through their phone number by the way as well .

Perpetuallysingle · 04/12/2019 12:05

I am the same as you in that I get far too invested far too soon when chatting with OLD people. Something I'm working on...

It's not easy but to try to forget and move on. You are devastated about the version of this guy you have imagined up from his messages. He could well be a total arse in real life. Sorry it's happened though Flowers

CruellaDeVille2019 · 04/12/2019 12:23

He could have broken his phone or anything. There could be a perfectly legitimate reason for him disappearing or, as others have said, he isn't who you think he is.

I think you are a bit too invested considering you haven't even met this man yet. If you get hurt so easily, maybe you need to work on yourself so that you are more robust emotionally. Disappointment that someone you have enjoyed getting to know only online has disappeared is normal. Feeling devastated is a bit OTT.

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 12:23

Thank you Perpetuallysingle for your kind words but I'll be forever thinking what happened to him. Makes you more scared on meeting anyone else online.

OP posts:
iheartchristmas92 · 04/12/2019 12:30

might sound stalkerish but have you googled his name to see if anything comes up? if, god forbid, anything did happen to him, something should come up

Seapink2 · 04/12/2019 12:30

You will know you have been blocked on WhatsApp if their picture has disappeared and shows a grey circle with a white silhouette of a person instead. Had it done to me from an online guy! Out of the blue like yourself.

I agree with meeting someone soon rather then chatting for ages, it tends to fizzle out that way as all they were looking for was a bit of attention.

Notcoolmum · 04/12/2019 12:41

If you've not met and not got him on social media how do you know he's not in a relationship or living with his cousin. You only know what he's told you. That's not the same as what is fact.

TheReluctantCountess · 04/12/2019 12:46

You don’t actually know this man, and can only believe what you’ve been told by him, which may or may not be true.

Try to forget about him.

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 12:52

30iheartchristmas92 I have googled and nothing came up.

30Seapink2 definitely not blocked as still see profile picture. I do agree with you meeting someone sooner rather than dragging it on but unavoidable circumstances happened for both of us which delayed it plus childcare issues.

OP posts:
NekoShiro · 04/12/2019 13:07

Maybe he lost his phone?

EnglishRose13 · 04/12/2019 13:10

Can your sister ring him to see if it goes to voicemail for her?

RaguForYou · 04/12/2019 13:10

but I'll be forever thinking what happened to him

He lost interest that's all that happened. Move on this is OLD its a brutal thing.

People not meeting up because they are ill is usually a sign they aren't that keen anyway.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 04/12/2019 13:13

I know it's difficult, but this is a STRANGER you haven't even met yet. Try to stop catastrophising the situation, and just assume he's ghosting.

75Renarde · 04/12/2019 13:16

AL75

I loathe WhatsApp for this very reason.

You say he lives with his cousin but if you've not met him, how do you know?

Why are you believing someone who you've never met?

You've had a salutary lesson here. I know it's hard. I know you're upset. But trust me on this, you've dodged a massive bullet.

The fact you can't ring means your number is blocked. You've been disengaged from. Trust me, this is the best outcome for you.

Now, ensure you block HIS number because he will attempt a Hoover as your emotional thinking is so high.