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Original poster

Guy I was chatting to on whatsapp just disappeared !

302 replies

AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:18

For a month now I was chatting on phone and messaging a guy I met online. Twice we had to postpone meeting due to ill health either he was not well or I was not well. Our last contact was last Thursday night and I have heard nothing since then, it's now been 6 days. I have noticed the last time he was on whatsapp was the last time he messaged me so he isn't communicating with anyone on whatsapp. He definitely has not blocked me as I can see his online status and no reason for him to stop contact as we were getting on extremely well. I called 2 days ago twice and went straight to voicemail. I have no idea if something tragic has happened to him and no way of finding out. I don't know what to think anymore as this is quite uncharacteristic of him to do this. It has been now 6 days which is very unusual for him not to get in touch. At the beginning I was angry that he wasn't going on whatsapp not reading my messages but now it looks like he isn't using his phone completely and am now worried and extremely sad that it looks like it's come to an end. If he was physically able to, he could log on to dating site he found me on from pc and message me that way but he hasn't and not answering to mail from site that I am sending. I don't know what to think. Every morning he used to whatsapp me good morning or every other morning around 5.45 am before he went on his morning run and am worried something happened last Friday when I heard nothing. I feel so devastated 😔

OP posts:
LittleSweet · 04/12/2019 13:53

I'm sorry to tell you if he was keen on you he'd still be in contact. There's no way that if was keen that he would ghost you. I think he's a dud.

MsRomanoff · 04/12/2019 13:53

OP, its unlikely that some harm has befallen him.

Its more likely he decided this isnt for him or is hiding something.

You dont actually know any facts about him.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 04/12/2019 13:54

You are really blowing this out of proportion. You've been messaging for a month. That's it. You do not know this person at all.

You've been ghosted. It absolutely sucks. But it happens. You really need to just put this behind you now and stop the stalker behavior.

www.psycom.net/what-is-ghosting

Bartlet · 04/12/2019 13:56

You don’t know anything about this guy. You know what he has told you. There is a difference.

Please step away from your phone. Chalk this one up to experience and move on. Regardless of why (and you may never find out) he is not in contact with you.

There are multiple reasons why it could be but the most obvious and likely one is that he doesn’t want to. Nothing more sinister than that.

Goldenchildsmum · 04/12/2019 13:57

my number isn't blocked as I called from someone else's phone and still straight to voicemail.

Wow

You're stalking himConfused

He doesn't want to be in contact with you any more. You don't even know there he works. This wasn't a serious relationship. It was simply an online chat. Please try to get some perspective

RaguForYou · 04/12/2019 13:58

it's actually one of my pay as you go phones I have my son so not a strangers

You have missed the point. The point @Scarletoharaseyebrows was making is that it is very weird behavior to call the phone of a person you haven't even met from another number whether its your friends, your sons, your second secret phone, the bat phone to check if he answers the phone.

It's obsessive, stalkerish and over invested.

Goldenchildsmum · 04/12/2019 13:59

good points you raised but what if the only place my number is is on his phone and he lost it. If he was in hospital he would not be able to instruct anyone as doesn't know my number

HmmShock

Naillig222 · 04/12/2019 14:00

Who owns the other phone that you're using to call isn't really the issue scarletoharaseyebrows is highlighting. You're clutching at straws with that explanation.

My guess would be that his wife/partner/gf found his second secret phone and its been turned off since.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 04/12/2019 14:00

the guy is a stranger not the phone!!

You're not going to listen. I hope you get your movie ending. X

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/12/2019 14:04

OP, you said this If he was physically able to, he could log on to dating site he found me on from pc and message me that way but he hasn't so all of this "what if his number is only in my phone and he's lost it?" stuff is pretty irrelevant. He has a way to contact you and he's choosing not to.

I've been ghosted by OLDers before and it's horrible, so I really do feel for you but that really is what is most likely to have happened. Try to forget and move on.

wishywashy6 · 04/12/2019 14:06

he did want to meet soon but we never got round to it as my ex has my son every other weekend so difficult for me.

You mean he said he wanted to meet soon. That doesn't mean he actually did want to meet.
You'll find online dating full of men who want an ego boost/ pen pal/ distraction from reality but the general rule is that until it happens, it's all bullshit. Take everything with a pinch of salt. I met my partner online so it's true they're not all horrendous, but if he'd disappeared on me before meeting I don't think I'd have given it too much thought 😕

He may very well be trapped under a wardrobe but more likely that he's had a better offer, been found out by his wife/ girlfriend or he's just simply lost interest. It happens. You sound way too invested in someone you'd never met before.

CaMePlaitPas · 04/12/2019 14:20

You've been ghosted, but since you're not prepared to accept that then OK yeah, there's definitely something wrong with his phone.

75Renarde · 04/12/2019 14:38

OP. What has probably happened is that he contacted you on a SIM which hes now removed.

This would explain all of the behaviours you have outlined.

Your tenacity in persuing this is also indicative. He knew damn well he would provoke this reaction. That's why hes got a second SIM.

You were briefly considered as an Intimate Partner Secondary Source and you were shelved. Chatting for a month without meeting is odd. That's not how it works. In their mind.

And how do I know this? Because hes done it before. Sims are cheap. He will have experienced pissed off women who will get other people to ring that number. Hence, spare sims.

Let this go with the blessing that you escaped.

Luckingfovely · 04/12/2019 14:45

Oh god he's just not that into you.

Get a grip and move on. You're living in a fantasy world.

Lampan · 04/12/2019 14:48

Maybe he has a 2nd phone so it’s easy for him to ignore it for days.
Unfortunately it’s not looking good OP. Please try to be aware that until you have met someone, they’re as good as a figment of your imagination. If you had met him you might not have even liked him. He might have looked different from his photos or smelled bad or any number of offputting things. Anyone can send messages and sound nice. Don’t invest so much in anyone else until you get to know them face to face.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this one pops up again with a flimsy excuse. But be very careful if he does.

TheReluctantCountess · 04/12/2019 14:53

Maybe you were being a bit too much and you scared him off.

Thestrangestthing · 04/12/2019 14:53

Give it up OP. If he contacts you again great, it's unlikely though. You will get over it eventually.

ThreeLittleDuckies · 04/12/2019 14:57

He has probably changed his number because his wife/girlfriend caught him.
Obviously you are a goddess and the only possibly explanation is some terrible accident has happened, possibly leading to his death... Go throw yourself a short memorial for him if it gets you to move on!!

Sunflower20 · 04/12/2019 15:03

This happens ALL the time thesedays. You've only been messaging him for a month and have not even met him, you are way too invested and dramatic about this. Nothing has happened to him. And you should let it go.

MissM101 · 04/12/2019 15:04

@ThreeLittleDuckies that made me chuckle Grin

Windmillwhirl · 04/12/2019 15:04

I don't think he's the issue, it's that you got so attached to someone you never met and considered this to be far more than it actually was. You looked forward to the good morning texts and were way overly invested.

You didn't meet in a month!!! If he was really into you he would not have left it that long.

In future, live by the motto: it's not real until it's real.

Whattodoabout · 04/12/2019 15:13

With the kindest of intentions, you are acting like a total loon Grin. You have never met this person, he could be anyone! There are a multitude of possibilities but if anything has happened to him, you will never find out because you have never even met the person...

Move on with your life and stop blowing up his phone. If it is a simple explanation such as misplacing his phone or it breaking, he will receive a bunch of texts informing him how many times you have tried calling him while his phone was off. You’ll look crazy.

Webby01 · 04/12/2019 15:45

Just here for the comments Grin

Brilliant

wheresmymojo · 04/12/2019 15:47

I think the obvious answer here is that as well as being a property developer he's also leading a double life as an MI6 agent.

They can often be called away at very short notice on to black ops which require them to go to places outside of the reach of any mobile network for days or weeks at a time.

They're unable to message before this due to the official secrets act.

It might be that he's taken a blow to the head from an enemy operator whilst on his mission and is lying in a tent in the DR of Congo wanting to message you but his mobile is in a jungle swamp and he has temporary amnesia meaning he can't recall your number.

Or you got ghosted.

FabbyChix · 04/12/2019 15:53

I’d you’re blocked on WhatsApp you can’t see their photo