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Original poster

Guy I was chatting to on whatsapp just disappeared !

302 replies

AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:18

For a month now I was chatting on phone and messaging a guy I met online. Twice we had to postpone meeting due to ill health either he was not well or I was not well. Our last contact was last Thursday night and I have heard nothing since then, it's now been 6 days. I have noticed the last time he was on whatsapp was the last time he messaged me so he isn't communicating with anyone on whatsapp. He definitely has not blocked me as I can see his online status and no reason for him to stop contact as we were getting on extremely well. I called 2 days ago twice and went straight to voicemail. I have no idea if something tragic has happened to him and no way of finding out. I don't know what to think anymore as this is quite uncharacteristic of him to do this. It has been now 6 days which is very unusual for him not to get in touch. At the beginning I was angry that he wasn't going on whatsapp not reading my messages but now it looks like he isn't using his phone completely and am now worried and extremely sad that it looks like it's come to an end. If he was physically able to, he could log on to dating site he found me on from pc and message me that way but he hasn't and not answering to mail from site that I am sending. I don't know what to think. Every morning he used to whatsapp me good morning or every other morning around 5.45 am before he went on his morning run and am worried something happened last Friday when I heard nothing. I feel so devastated 😔

OP posts:
Perpetuallysingle · 04/12/2019 13:17

I've had similar 'things keep going wrong' when we try to meet with current OLD guy (childcare, illness etc). We have managed one meeting though and he has never gone more than 24 hours without a message. After 6 days I'd assume he's ghosting and try to forget... Flowers

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/12/2019 13:22

If he cared, he would message. Somehow. He'd ring you on someone else's phone if his was broken/lost.

If he cared, and had been hospitalised, he would make sure you knew. He'd have instructed someone else to get in contact and let you know. If. He. Cared.

If he's dead, well, it's a bit academic really, isn't it?

DancingPyjamas · 04/12/2019 13:23

It does sound like he's ghosted you OP. Probably for the reasons that others have mentioned, wife, partner, girlfriend etc.
You only know what he's told you. Anyone can be anything online can't they. I could be a willowy, blonde 20 something with a successful business. The reality is quite different, well except for the blonde, which is courtesy of Garnier.
It's upsetting and it hurts, but move on and forget him OP with your dignity intact. 💐

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 04/12/2019 13:25

He's probably married.

Windmillwhirl · 04/12/2019 13:25

Forget him. He clearly isn't that bothered about being in touch.

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 13:26

10RaguForYou we were both ill, nothing to do with him not wanting to meet

OP posts:
HRH2020 · 04/12/2019 13:27

Second phone is my bet. If they are not meeting you pretty soon after initial contact they probably have no intention of ever meeting, in my extensive experience

RaguForYou · 04/12/2019 13:28

If he cared, and had been hospitalised, he would make sure you knew. He'd have instructed someone else to get in contact and let you know. If. He. Cared.

How much can you really care about someone you've been chatting to online for a month and haven't met? I'd substitute cared for "seriously interested' but it amounts to the same thing. Silence is not a good thing.

You need to realise that just because you are invested in a particular person and your chat intensity and interest is unusual to you, it is unlikely to be that for him. He is probably messaging several other women at the same time.

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 13:29

22Zaphodsotherhead good points you raised but what if the only place my number is is on his phone and he lost it. If he was in hospital he would not be able to instruct anyone as doesn't know my number

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 04/12/2019 13:30

How do you know if he was actually ill?

Do you think he's dead or something? Is that why you are so concerned about where he's gone?

Most obvious answer is you have been ghosted and I don't know anyone that can't be found online in this day and age. Do you know much about him at all?

RaguForYou · 04/12/2019 13:31

RaguForYou we were both ill, nothing to do with him not wanting to meet

I once went on a date with a guy who went off to throw up because he had food poisioning but didn't want to cancel because he thought he'd miss his chance.

How ill do you have to be to not go on a date if you are keen? Most people if they are keen will tough out a cold, headache, fluey sniffle.

Put it this way if your fantasty man whoever that is Brad Pitt whoever asked you out, you are going to struggle to get there aren't you?

It's not a good sign if it happened for each of you that's all.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 04/12/2019 13:31

Oh god... stop! Please.

I've had people not to turn up for interviews and never turn their WhatsApp back on again. In months. People will go to all kinds of lengths to avoid a difficult conversation.

If he has actually died, you can apologise then but for now, call him a prick and move on.

And don't get attached to the next one so swiftly.

Try and let it go for your own sanity.

RaguForYou · 04/12/2019 13:33

but what if the only place my number is is on his phone and he lost it. If he was in hospital he would not be able to instruct anyone as doesn't know my number

This is very like but what if he trapped under a giant wardrobe alone at home and can't reach the phone. He isn't.

Have you watched that film He's Just Not That Into You? It has a whole theme dealing with this kind of thinking.

RaguForYou · 04/12/2019 13:35

Let's also be real. If he's in such a condition to be in hospital (which he isn't) the odds of him being remotely interested in getting in touch with a stranger he hasn't even met yet are nada. He will have other issues that he cares more about than a vague OLD prospect like his own health.

By the time he gets out of hospital and recovers from his wardrobe trapping injury, he will move on to new OLD prospects as should you.

wishywashy6 · 04/12/2019 13:38

You don't know if it's out of character for him, he's a stranger behind a screen.
Very common for this to happen with online dating. Truth is, if he wanted to contact you, he would.
Don't get so invested in someone you've never met. It's easy to be mr perfect behind a screen but the reality rarely matches up.

Even if he is in hospital, why on earth would he even think to call some random person he's never physically met? Confused

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 13:39

1675Renarde my number isn't blocked as I called from someone else's phone and still straight to voicemail.

27HRH2020 he did want to meet soon but we never got round to it as my ex has my son every other weekend so difficult for me.

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 04/12/2019 13:43

Where does he work? Surely you know after talking for a month. Ring and see if he's alive. If he is, you've been ghosted

AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet · 04/12/2019 13:45

I sometimes don't open WhatsApp for 5 days or so, even though I can see that I've messages.
This week, I'm studying for exams and don't want the distraction.

Last week, my son was very ill. I didn't feel like speaking to anyone

Maybe his phone was stolen/broken and he doesn't have it backed up (Apple/iCloud)?

It's probably something like that, but also an indication that you're over invested.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 04/12/2019 13:47

Calling a virtual stranger from someone else's number isn't normal behaviour. I don't you don't want to hear what everyone is saying but if you carry on this way, you'll make yourself really miserable. get arrested for stalking

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 13:48

43Windmillwhirl don't know where he works. He took over his dad's property development company and is currently at a site of his own during the week dealing with builders. Don't know name of company

OP posts:
Scarletoharaseyebrows · 04/12/2019 13:48

*know Not don't

Beautiful3 · 04/12/2019 13:49

Maybe he lost his phone or had it damaged or stolen? Could be anything. Shame really. He is essentially a stranger that you never actually met. I would nt invest any more time on him and move on.

Original poster
AL75 · 04/12/2019 13:49

47Scarletoharaseyebrows it's actually one of my pay as you go phones I have my son so not a strangers

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 04/12/2019 13:51

He's cancelled a date because of illness, you don't know where he works/name of company, he's now gone AWOL.

I'd wager he's not a property developer at all.

CarterJ32 · 04/12/2019 13:52

Sounds like a ghosting situation to me, sorry...

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