Ex dp, ds, fake name, extra kids, second thread

[Fedupofitnow123]

Thank you for your continued support, I'm starting this thread regarding the impending court hearing tomorrow, if someone could link my previous thread that would ne highly appreciated!

I smiled so much when you mentioned that your mum had gifted you the mug, and you said that you said that it "reminds me of who I once was, I loved the books, the films, collected the chess set, I've really lost myself these past years and that felt like a little bit of me again, I love it!"
Those memories sparked something that gave you a glimpse of light when you were in a very difficult and dark place. Like you remembered what it felt like to be happy within yourself. Please do watch a HP film tonight, and share that wonderful moment with your son.

I'm 32 and the Harry Potter audiobooks (Stephen Fry ones) have got me through a variety of godawful situations. I love music but I hate it when I'm sad so the HP audiobooks have been a godsend. PP said it beautifully, let yourself find you again and start from there, just with added wisdom and experience

Shall I be cheesy? ... Okay, I will. Fedupofitnow123 has fled her 'Dursleys' and is discovering her own magic, power and strength. You've got a lot in common with Harry, maybe part of your enjoyment is in the similarities? Your story is only just beginning!

Lol Mumsnet is your Hagrid! I'm such a nerd!

I second audiobooks with headphones for anxiety, OP.... they are fabulous way to switch off. If you are worried about anyone sneaking up on you, you can always use one headphone. X

sorry I've seen this but no mental energy to even argue with people on here, I'm not here to try and make people believe me, court is for that

"So I ask again what is the specific charge? The non-molestation order is a separate from a criminal prosecution going to trial. Has he been charged with assault for example?" - see the above, @Perunatop. How about instead of demanding an answer from op you leave her alone? She doesn't have to answer to you.

He hasn't been prosecuted for anything yet, police, before they knew his name, have said it's really hard to convict for coercive control but they're going for the physical violence.

Non-molestation order is separate from what I can work out.

Today is a sad day, I dreamt we were back there in the happy times and I just feel heart broken. Absolutely heartbroken.

Sending you hugs!

Everything with the court case is moving in the right direction. I really hope he's brought to justice for the horrific way you were treated.

Stay strong hun. I know how hard it is to still love your abuser even though you hate them for what they've done. It will take time but you will heal. I'm on the other side of that dark tunnel and it took a while but my life is so much better now. Yours will be too xxx

You are going to feel heartbroken and that is OK. Don't let people try to distract you from that or jolly you along. It is very hard to just switch off emotions and feeling the loss of the 'good times' is a very real thing. You must be allowed to process it to move forward. It is a grieving process.

I haven't been through it, but have supported two friends who left extremely controlling and abusive men and I saw the rollercoaster their emotions rode. (and sat through hours of police visits and court sittings)
I started off as one of those 'why don't you just leave him' types - and had my eyes abruptly opened to how complicated it all really is.

Ignore any posts on here making demands of you. Let those who have been where you are use their experience to support you.
I hope you have a lovely, gentle Sunday x

I can well believe you are heartbroken and utterly traumatised.

You thought you had a happy family and it's turned out he has lied, gaslit, manipulated and abused you all along from day 1.

Please be incredibly kind to yourself and get all the therapy you can.

When he applies for contact insist on it being supervised as I should think he is at high risk of disappearing with DS to punish you/manipulate you into going back.

I wish you such strength, you have been amazing to manage to escape, so brave.

There will be new, better happy times and they won't be broken up by the hard times. And there will be a lot of Harry Potter.

Not for a non-molestation order.

What do you think, through all this I'm dealing with that I'm lying, he is having a trial because he is contesting the non-molestation order! That's why! Now go the fuck away.

@Perunatop
Why don't you just leave the op alone.
I rest my case
Who the fuck do you think you are?
fedupofitnow123
Just try and relax, regroup, you've got some time before any more court appearances. As pp have said try and eat little bits and pieces, you've done incredibly well to get this far.
Please don't respond or take any notice of the nasty posters, just blank them

Perunatop what ‘case’?
The OP said that the police have not yet made a decision.

@Fedupofitnow123 don't worry about the difficult questions, just take it one step at a time. Have you had a nice day watching films?

@Perunatop so you know every single legal trial the op will be facing?
The injunction is just one of many to follow even without a criminal trial.
Op has been through a lot in a short space of time. Will be knackered emotionally and physically. When I went through it, there were times I really couldn't think straight. The amount of info thrown at you can be very overwhelming.

It's also possible that the op is changing some details. Not the crime of the century and I wouldn't blame her tbh, as it gives her some anonymity.

@Fedupofitnow123 because of how much he was controlling everything in the home, I would suggest you change your user name. Along with passwords. Sorry if this has been suggested, I cannot remember.

perunatop
The charging decision doesn’t sit with the op. Her Ex has already been interviewed by the police (maybe even under caution). She has reported a crime to the police and they are pursuing the investigation.

You are coming over as very self absorbed.

U always get one tw**t that pops up on someone's thread!

Skintsanta. Well said

@SkintSanta here here

Bloody hell fedup I’ve just read both threads.

You’ve got some strength love. Your sons a very lucky boy to have you

I know many have given you words of encouragement and I want to join them and thank you. I was too weak, I did get away but I didn't pursue any legal action, 13 years on my ex is still in my life, still finding fresh ways to screw things up for my children and I wish I had your courage to stop him and say enough is enough years ago.
Keep going, this isn't just about now, this isn't about revenge for what he's done. Its about making damn sure he can't be a risk to your sons

Fedupofitnow123
You are a truly phenomenal woman and mother, showing so much strength in the face of such adversity. You are so much stronger than you realise and you deserve a happy future. Keep going. Enjoy your wonderful son and tell yourself every day that you are amazing, because you really are.

SkintSanta
Great post!