Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@MoreNiceCereal I should have realised it back in July tbh. It's funny cos when he got back in touch I had deleted his number and usually if I get a message from an unknown number I ignore it. I mentioned it to my mum and she said who do you want to have sent the message. Immediately I said him. I've always had feelings for him. That should have been my warning.

I'm getting so tempted by Mr Cleaver but it's probably a really really bad idea 😂

Shagging a colleague is just going to make my life more complicated isn't it? I mean what if he doesn't actually leave in January. I don't think it's 100% certain he's leaving.

Aargh i dunno what to do 😂

Don't shit on your own doorstep/dip your pen in the company ink/shag a colleague. Not unless it's love and totally worth any potential fallout

For once I think i would advise caution time, don’t shag where you work.

Re the poetry thing, I wrote a bit when I was young and I studied English at uni. But I can no longer read novels or poetry. They’re just too intimate and intricate. I know this sounds weird but the block I have about being able to bear literature is the big issue I still need to get through in counselling 😕

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking you're right, I've always thought that.

I'm just so bored and it seems kind of exciting. He's pretty fit too and my friend at work is egging me on 😂

@TigerDater that's really interesting- I think I'm similar. I definitely can't write anything anymore. I used to love writing- poetry, and I used to keep a diary too. I just can't do it anymore. I find it really difficult to express how I feel and I find it incredibly painful. I can't write about FWB- it's like pouring salt in the wounds. I'm trying to block the thoughts too atm.

Maybe I just can't deal with my feelings like I used to. I used to be much more forward with saying what I felt and I chickened out with FWB.

It does get harder and harder as you get older to express how you feel I find. And to bear other people’s pain as well, that’s why I find literature so difficult. Easier to watch Friends on a loop and cuddle a dog!

@timetravellingdiamond 150 matches? I think I need some tips haha

well actually not been swiping. Just been talking to Mr Builder, have met him 4 times in the last 8 days. hes really not my usual type but seems like a really good guy.

met him last night at 4pm, he came over to cook and cleaned my hob lol (it really wasnt that dirty ☺️) we didnt go sleep till about 6am!

he has a lot going on in his personal life with his ex and says he doesnt want to jump in to another relationship tho.

crazycatlady that sounds marvellous! Is this a FWB situation developing?

@Tigerdater I'm not sure. he just said he normally jumps straight in to relationships but doesnt want to this time. I should have asked more, will need to try bring it up.

he said he went to delete POF but didnt, cant remember why not or if he didnt say. Too much alcohol to remember 😂

We have only been speaking maybe 2 weeks but have spoken every day and quite a few nights have been hours on the phone or vid calls. also he has told all his friends and family about me, but I have a feeling he is very open about everything anyway. he tells them when we're on dates, would u still say dates if it was FWB?

Joining the party here if that's ok.

OLD - what's with the cringe tongue poking selfies from men?! Just me who finds this an instant swipe left?!

crazy who knows? The only way you can determine which way it’s headed is to have the conversation sober I reckon 😂

Welcome sadlady. No, I think anyone who likes pictures of men sticking their tongues out would be in a minority on this thread. Not a good look.

@crazycatlady20 I wouldn't call it dates with a FWB tbh. I'd describe it with FWB as meeting up or something similar.

And yes to instant swipe left to men sticking their tongues out. What else is an instant swipe left for everyone?

Actually this is normally an instant swipe left too- when someone on has one pic on their profile. I'm very suspicious at that

Obviously cropped pics of the bloke with his ex. Take a new picture FFS!

Eek. Just had a lovely phone call with Mr Fast Work ... who is rapidly heading towards initial status. Rule 12 is totally, thoroughly tested. We discussed whatsapp messaging and communication and expectations. I was able to be quite open and he was reassuring and explained his side and his concerns. It was almost like we were two grown ups...

I feel all giggly and grinny. This time next week i may well be taking him to bed...

What’s the expectation of messaging ?

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking aw that's lovely. So lovely when you have that warm glowy feeling after a conversation like that ☺️

Dare I say I may have another iron on the go... Mr Music- he's 25 and seems alright. Let's hope he actually wants to go for a drink... 🙄😂

I'm not getting the impression that he wants much more than fun. Would this be better for me at the moment? Just wondered what other people's thoughts were. I don't know how anyone can match up to FWB in my mind atm so if I go on dates with high expectations or hoping to find someone I really like the stakes would be higher and there'd probably be more disappointment. Maybe just fun is what I need?

@crazycatlady20. Mr builder sounds amazing !

Hi! Joining in if that's ok?

Just had a quick read through and I'm jealous of all the dating going on 🤣

I've only been single for about 3 months (emotionally longer) never been on a proper first date ever but I'm terrified of dating sites/tinder etc..

sex drive has comeback with a vengeance after 2 years of barely anything and dont know what to do now!?

Any advice for a newbie to dating/FWB situations?

@Jane1978xx he is. I might get him to cook something in the actual oven next time, it could do with a clean 😂.

seriously tho, he does seem great but I'm not sure I agree with his past lifestyle, altho he has been very honest about it and changing his future. I'm not sure if his past would count as a red flag (as it's in the past) but would feel wrong to write him off because of it when he seems to have changed.

@timetravellingdiamond I'd say fun would be good, but if it was me I'd be scared I'd get too attached.

Or pics with celebs

I'm the same @SnazzyLump - just dipping my toe in at the mo.. no dates yet

@SnazzyLump read my story of a FWB situation and see if that's something you want 😂

Don't be terrified of tinder, it's honestly fine. Keep posting, everyone here is so helpful and supportive.

@crazycatlady20 if I do go down the fun route then if I have a new rule- to end it immediately if I become attached but it's not reciprocated- could this work maybe? I was thinking it might be the easiest thing right now.

Of course I could just take a break from it all but I think that would make me even more fed up.

Oooh pics with celebs!

On tinder recently I have seen:

Lewis Hamilton
Lewis Capaldi (multiple times)
Samwell from Game of Thrones
Arya from Game of Thrones
Gary Lineker
Gary Neville
Megan McKenna