Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I absolutely bloody loved doing the freedom programme and am going to do it again next year. It was so so valuable and I really gained a lot from it. I would 100% recommend it to anyone who had even just a bad relationship that they may not consider abusive because it redefined abusive for me and helped me to reset my expectations.

I really hope he's a slow burn supercali

I never stayed OLD more than a few months at a time, then had a break (or concentrated on Fab lol). It can be very dispiriting otherwise. I also have been having counselling for years so I'm in a fairly good place. I found Fab and FWBs really bolstered my confidence and I was less likely to take any shit, but I know it doesn't work that way for everyone!

I'd love to do the Freedom Programme but the one in my borough, last time I looked, was at about 2 pm on a weekday. I work full time in central London so that's out of the question for me. It feels a bit unfair to run them when lots of people are at work, but I'm sure there must be a reason. There's nothing similar near where I work either as I checked. Thank goodness I have my counsellor as every so often I have issues with my ex. Still. 😕

Have had a whole pile of crap to do with ex and my father (am low contact, he's old and in hospital, I'm an only child) lately so not been around much.

Isn’t the online one available at any time batshit? Sorry about your ex and DF issues.

It is Tiger but everyone who recommends it says the group one is better.

I've only ever read thru the book, but that in itself has been a huge eye opener. I'd love to meet the woman who developed it. I should make the effort to find a class or at least do the online version. I am processing an abusive romantic relationship, parental relationship and a controlling religion. The amount of people in my life who wanted to tell me how to live is crazy.

I am constantly questioning myself with this new relationship, is it healthy, am I comfortable, are there red flags, etc etc. So far so good though.

Stayed up far too late chatting with Mr G last night. He said, "I'm not sure you know this, but I kinda like you" which made me laugh - he's flying out here for four days because we haven't seen each other since the beginning of November... I definitely got that impression.

I am processing an abusive romantic relationship, parental relationship and a controlling religion. The amount of people in my life who wanted to tell me how to live is crazy
Exactly the same!! Freedom programme has been eye opening in all aspects including the religious.

The religious aspect is what I'm most upset about tbh, because it influenced so much of my marriage. And I brought DC up in that environment. But we have left it, at least.

How old are your dc? Have you explained why you have left it behind? I think leaving a misogynistic religion is as much of a good example as leaving a bad marriage is. Your dc will see you as strong, independent and discerning.

My eldest is 16, and she's very happy we've left. They all are, really, especially after seeing the way we were treated by the congregation when I left him. You'll be unsurprised to hear that my ex was in a leadership position in our congregation.... There was an uncomfortable fallout; we were the perfect family.

Contact the local Freedom Programme provider and ask to be put on the list for if they start evenings. In my borough they were only offering weekday afternoons which I couldn’t do. They had so many asking that they started rolling out an evening programme too

supercali 🤞 for a slow burn

Yes good idea about asking for evenings. I'd be surprised if there wasn't one somewhere in London (whoever said she works in London) that maybe you could get to after work. It really is worth the time and effort.
On another note I have my overnight date tonight with Mr E! We've been dating over a month and this is our first night together. I'm very excited! Praying for no micro penis 🤣

🙏🙏🙏

All sacrifices made to the gods of OLD...

I'll contact them again and ask about evenings. I've looked through the entire list of Freedom Programme groups and there are no others near. Absolutely loads im Buckinghamshire and Berkshire I noticed!

It's squashing it in around the rest of life too. I'll look into it after I move house in the new year. I think selling the family home and getting a divorce is going to release me a lot as I feel like he still has me by the balls. It's already churning up a lot of stuff. Mainly anger. I'm furious he pissed all over our marriage and our family with his behaviour. And I've been framed as the bad person as I finished our marriage. Like it was a whim rather than years of misery and desperation. And furious that he has a lovely gf and I feel like I'll never trust another man or find one that wants me.

Yes I had to go to a different city for mine! Made me think about training as a facilitator.

Gosh I'm really rather angry. It's good. I've not dealt with any separation fall out in over 2 years as I've been too scared as he still has all the power. Not for much longer 😁

@BatshitCrazyWoman I'm not sure if we're the same borough or not. I'll read the book for now but I'd love to offload with a load of feisty women. Bit like here really

Being angry is a good thing - it shows you recognise that what he did to you was wrong.

I was dead inside for years and years, too. He did all sorts of nasty things to me and I didn't react at all. Now I will occasionally remember the shitty things he did and just rage at him. (Not actually rage, I am ignoring him utterly)

I stayed with him for far, far too long.

Jane....heard any more back from mr car park?

@bangheadhere40. Yes we were chatting last night on whatapp and he was apologetic about not messaging as he has the family stuff to deal with. But i said it really can’t be helped. And he said he 100% wants to meet up again just needs to sort some stuff out. He’s defo genuine it’s just a bad time 🤦‍♀️. It’s just taking up his time and it’s also v stressful . I think his name Should change from mr cat park to mr 4 times a night 😂😂😂

@MoreNiceCereal my ex was horrid over little things like he wouldn’t eat in the same room as me and he said my voice was too loud.

My username is actually a nod to my ex, maybe I should change it. He would hide the "special" cereal from the DC so they couldn't eat it. When I first kicked him out I made sure that was all I bought, and let the DC eat it whenever they wanted. It took about two weeks before they got sick of it!

I think I'll name change for the next thread actually.

Mine said I ate like a pig. I don't.

We had to have the tv at a certain volume and had to do other things in certain ways but I wasn’t allowed to question him on anything