Opinions on this dating situation desperately wanted please!

[LastChanceSaloon2019]

Hello...I'm after people's opinions please on a dating situation I've found myself in as I really can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.

NC so this isn't linked to my other posts.

I'll try to be brief and just give you the facts, but would welcome brutal honesty as to what you think of the situation and what you think I should do next?

Been single over 3yrs, have done OLD and had lots of dates. Met a variety of men but the few I really liked turned out to be idiots and so it never went anywhere.

Latest guy I've been dating for a few months. On paper he's everything I'm looking for, plus I find him totally gorgeous and the chemistry we have is unreal. My profile on the site we met on said I was looking for a relationship and from what he's said I believe he shares the same opinion on the things mentioned above.

For context I'm a lone parent, although child free EOW and during school holidays plus have family close by who are happy to babysit.

So... this is where I'm struggling. We've had two midweek 'sober' dinner dates which were lovely, but instigated by me.

Our other dates have been on the weekends I'm child free and alcohol featured heavily, but were very enjoyable.

The week during half term I was child free (which he knew) and we made loose plans to go out for a meal but because I "didn't give him a kick up the arse" it never happened.

We normally msg daily - nothing excessive but just a "hey how are you" or "have a good day" etc. Some days we msg more depending on what we're chatting about.

He went quiet once which I mentioned and he was very apologetic and things went back to how they were. All good.

But something now just feels off. Three days of radio silence last week after I replied to a msg he sent me. His excuse? He thought he'd replied

He Avoids questions I ask him.

He Cancelled a weekend away together last weekend that we'd planned (had to visit a sick relative instead) the three days silence were the days leading up to when we were going away. I'd sorted childcare for this weekend.

He's away this weekend, when I'm child free but hasn't attempted to make plans to see me again. Which means if I don't... it would be 4 weeks until I see him next.

He messaged me this morning, which I replied to but yet again it's just radio silence...!

I'm not a needy person, and know I've not come on too strong as he said one of the things he likes about me is I don't stress him out but this doesn't look great does it?

We've both said we're not dating others and we have slept together.

So... if you've made it this far, thank you for reading and I'd welcome your thoughts and opinions

Should have added that he has no children, sorry.

Doesnt sound all that interested to me. I'd cut him loose if I was you and find someone eager to talk to you

He's just not that into you. When they start making excuses, stop replying or not initiating seeing you it's obvious that he's not that bothered.

Do you think he's attached elsewhere?

Oh dear, the “you don’t stress him out” thing is a massive red flag - he’s basically looking for a girlfriend who places zero demands on him, who he will refuse to label as a girlfriend, who he can see as and when he chooses and if you dare to ask for more will be called “too needy”. He’s not that into you, likes you enough to sleep with you but is making no effort at all on his part. Bin and start dating again!

He’s not for you

Sorry, OP but he’s not that interested. He’d make the effort if he was.

I think it’s ran it’s course.

Oh that’s a shame, sounded like things began promisingly. The right person for you will be finding excuses to get in touch with you, and to see you, not making excuses for disappearing! I think if it were me I’d take some time to get over the fact it’s not working out and then get back into dating. I’ve had to do that loads of times, it’s crap! But no point chasing someone.

He has lost interest, from what you've described.
He obviously wasnt bothered enough about the radio silence to check he had replied or to follow up.

The fact you arent "stressing him out" makes me think he is prepping / training you to accept less.
The fact he is becoming unreliable and not booking in future dates, after cancelling, compounds it all.

He's not that interested I'm afraid

You're having to drag him along in this 'relationship', aren't you?

If you just stopped instigating stuff/dates it just wouldn't happen, would it?

Just stop. You're wasting your time and energy.

I have to agree with pps. I think you are doing most, if not all, of the running. If he needs a 'kick up the arse' to remember to meet you, he doesn't sound that interested. It might be fine if you felt equally casual about him, but I don't think he wants a proper relationship with you - he's happy to roll along while you're making the effort, but he isn't motivated enough by the idea of being a couple with you to make the effort himself.

You can do a lot better.

Meh - chuck this one back. You can surely find better than this half arsed guy.

He's obviously not that bothered, get rid

He isn't interested. I would end it and move on or actually, just don't reply anymore

He doesn’t sound keen OP. Sorry. Perhaps you need to have a chat and see why he’s not been bothering his arse with you. It could be a close relative is very sick and he’s at the hospital visiting a lot and can’t drink as he drives there. Could be he’s still online dating. Can you see when he last logged into the site? My moneys on an ow. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt though.

He’s either two-timing you or just not that interested, OP, sorry. You’re worth more than a man you have to kick up the ass to get to go on a date with you.

I've just had similar. Chatting lots for a few weeks followed by two great dates, suddenly on Sunday he's cut communication to a bare minimum and today he cancels our date at the weekend for work and I'd arranged childcare especially. This one seemed like a decent guy! OLD sucks!!

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

You've confirmed what my gut instinct was telling me but a small part of me thought I was over reacting given we were still in the early stages of dating.

I'm glad to read that isn't the case, based on your replies.

So... how's best to play it next do you reckon? He hasn't replied to my last msg. Shall I just wait until he decides to get in touch before giving him the elbow? Or send him a polite msg saying (in true MN style haha) that this isn't working for me blah blah.

He likely seeing someone else now and keeping you as an option, I'm sorry. He's keeping uou on the back burner.

Don't message him now, when he does message you keep it brief and light. Don't ask him to meet you etc, let him do the running.

Just do nothing. You don't have to tell him that he's been dumped when he's cancelling dates and not contacting you! He KNOWS that's dump-worthy behaviour.

So just leave it. Float away.

Just message him and end it, I wasted nearly a year on one of these types and I would say listen to your gut.