Opinions on this dating situation desperately wanted please!

[LastChanceSaloon2019]

Hello...I'm after people's opinions please on a dating situation I've found myself in as I really can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.

NC so this isn't linked to my other posts.

I'll try to be brief and just give you the facts, but would welcome brutal honesty as to what you think of the situation and what you think I should do next?

Been single over 3yrs, have done OLD and had lots of dates. Met a variety of men but the few I really liked turned out to be idiots and so it never went anywhere.

Latest guy I've been dating for a few months. On paper he's everything I'm looking for, plus I find him totally gorgeous and the chemistry we have is unreal. My profile on the site we met on said I was looking for a relationship and from what he's said I believe he shares the same opinion on the things mentioned above.

For context I'm a lone parent, although child free EOW and during school holidays plus have family close by who are happy to babysit.

So... this is where I'm struggling. We've had two midweek 'sober' dinner dates which were lovely, but instigated by me.

Our other dates have been on the weekends I'm child free and alcohol featured heavily, but were very enjoyable.

The week during half term I was child free (which he knew) and we made loose plans to go out for a meal but because I "didn't give him a kick up the arse" it never happened.

We normally msg daily - nothing excessive but just a "hey how are you" or "have a good day" etc. Some days we msg more depending on what we're chatting about.

He went quiet once which I mentioned and he was very apologetic and things went back to how they were. All good.

But something now just feels off. Three days of radio silence last week after I replied to a msg he sent me. His excuse? He thought he'd replied

He Avoids questions I ask him.

He Cancelled a weekend away together last weekend that we'd planned (had to visit a sick relative instead) the three days silence were the days leading up to when we were going away. I'd sorted childcare for this weekend.

He's away this weekend, when I'm child free but hasn't attempted to make plans to see me again. Which means if I don't... it would be 4 weeks until I see him next.

He messaged me this morning, which I replied to but yet again it's just radio silence...!

I'm not a needy person, and know I've not come on too strong as he said one of the things he likes about me is I don't stress him out but this doesn't look great does it?

We've both said we're not dating others and we have slept together.

So... if you've made it this far, thank you for reading and I'd welcome your thoughts and opinions

Personally, I'd simply block and delete. He doesn't deserve any courtesy from you, IMO. He probably won't even notice for a few days!

I would not message again but if he got in touch I would say you are clearly not on the same page and that you aren’t going to see him anymore
He’s just not that into you sorry

I would just ghost him. He hasn't made the effort to deserve an explanation.

Definitely don’t message just it.

This is a classic slow fade situation. I’d detach mentally and not message. If he never replies again then you know. If he does and doesn’t arrange a date, yep, you know. There’s a very small chance he might step up a bit when you pull away. Then you judge him by actions not words! But yeah, just phase him out.

Delete the chat and his number.

Cut him loose. He's a waste of time now.

I think you should definitely message him and say sorry this isn't working out for me, best of luck.

If you say nothing then he'll think he ended it lol, end it and make him wonder!

Hope you have a better experience with the next guy :)

OP the term, 'you're not stressing me out' is classic man speak for, 'it's just a shag'. It makes you feel proud for not having an expectations about him or your relationship.

I am sorry OP, he is just not that into you! Dump him, say he isn't what you're looking for. He will just use you otherwise, TRUST ME.

Hugs and I hope you find someone worth your time soon.

Oh my goodness, such varied responses as to what I should do next!

No lie... every single response has crossed my mind as to what to do next. I just don't know what to do

I've outlined my dating history to him and told him about being ghosted before which did upset me... and based on other things we agreed that communication was key. I took it from that that if he wanted to call it, he would? But he hasn't...and I would have done the same, but I haven't as I like him.

But I'm not willing to put up with crap!

I'm in such a muddle!

You know what's going on OP, and what you have to do. Forget all about him, don't message him one way or the other. If he does get in touch, ghost him. He's got something else going on already. Sorry.

I too would message him saying it’s not working for you.

He WILL come back with an excuse / apology / line to keep you hanging.

The only way you can really throw this one back is by deleting all contact details and messages. If you don’t a) text him to end it and b) delete all contact, you will keep going on this merry-go-round and your head will be mangled.

The last time this happened to me (admittedly at an even earlier stage of dating), I messaged on WhatsApp: “This level of communication isn’t working for me. Good luck!” I waited until he’d seen the message and then blocked him. It was very satisfying. I also think ghosting is quite cowardly and we don’t like it when it’s done to us.

Personally (as you’ve got this lovely chemistry) I think it’s gonna be hard to let this one go. But let him go you must.

On this basis I would go for deleting his number from your address book.

That way if he gets in touch your first reaction will be.. ‘who?’ Which is the RIGHT reaction!

Which will put you in the right frame of mine to say ‘actually thanks but no thanks’

You could just ghost here. There is no right or wrong. Just get rid!

Take a break from OLD and treat yourself to something nice, nice out with friend needed etc.

You’ve got this!

I think you are too available.

Back off a good bit.

It could be a pointless situation but it's time to be unavailable and prioritise girlfriends again. Not as a game playing technique, but just to see if he even notices, if he cares, if he ups his game, or if he thinks 'graaaaand. we're on the same page here'

OP you're overthinking this. Just focus on doing one way to end it then DO IT.

God... you are all so right

What makes it sadder... or possibly my decision even easier is that we normally converse by standard text... yet I'm chatting to friends on WhatsApp and seen he's changed his picture on there but never replied to my text... like WTF

PS< and this whole situation is so typical of OLD

I think the men online know that you're auditioning for boyfriend and they play the part for a while, til you sleep with them, then they fucking relegate YOU. SO tedious. I gave up on OLD. Much happier now I don't do OLD!

''he said one of the things he likes about me is I don't stress him out''

I've found that's code for ''I'm not available and I won't be there for you''.

His behaviour has been poor. It doesn’t matter how you end it. Ghost him, or message him, either option will do.

It’s a shame when promising relationships don’t work out. Most of us have been there! Good luck next time.

I think I’d get it in first. He isn’t bothering to reply and has changed his profile pic (ie chose a more flattering one to attract new women).

“Hey! Sorry I’ve been quiet. Just wanted to be straight up and let you know I’ve started seeing someone else - early days but promising! Hope you’re well and all the best. Take care!”

You don't stress me out.

That to me sounds like, I don't really want to be put out of my way, be obligated to consider you, your feelings, your life. I'm just going to show up when it suits you and fit you in.

I had a man do this to me (an OLD man of course) a few years ago and luckily luckily, the very last time he contacted me to ask me to meet in town, I said ''I was already in town this morning and I don't want to get the bus back in to town again''. I never heard from him again. In theory, he should have relieved that we were finally on THE SAME PAGE, both of us only wanting to meet up if we felt like it/if it suited. But a lot of people like this, they LIKE that you're keener. As soon as you're not bothered either, the dynamic stops working for them. They have to be ones in control holding you at arms length.

You don't wait for him, send a polite 'We are over' message now and walk away.

I'm not one for films but if a guy is interested he's interested, especially in the early stages.

Dating is hard but there's no mixed messages.

I'd just not message, I think anything else makes you seem bothered. Just style this one out.
He'll probably come running when you arent so 'available'.
Then keep busy to avoid getting sad/pining. Make sure you have some things booked to look forward to

Remember that you are the prize.

He’s not fulfilling your needs is he. Bin him off.

Delete his number, don’t respond to him anymore.