Opinions on this dating situation desperately wanted please!

[LastChanceSaloon2019]

Hello...I'm after people's opinions please on a dating situation I've found myself in as I really can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.

NC so this isn't linked to my other posts.

I'll try to be brief and just give you the facts, but would welcome brutal honesty as to what you think of the situation and what you think I should do next?

Been single over 3yrs, have done OLD and had lots of dates. Met a variety of men but the few I really liked turned out to be idiots and so it never went anywhere.

Latest guy I've been dating for a few months. On paper he's everything I'm looking for, plus I find him totally gorgeous and the chemistry we have is unreal. My profile on the site we met on said I was looking for a relationship and from what he's said I believe he shares the same opinion on the things mentioned above.

For context I'm a lone parent, although child free EOW and during school holidays plus have family close by who are happy to babysit.

So... this is where I'm struggling. We've had two midweek 'sober' dinner dates which were lovely, but instigated by me.

Our other dates have been on the weekends I'm child free and alcohol featured heavily, but were very enjoyable.

The week during half term I was child free (which he knew) and we made loose plans to go out for a meal but because I "didn't give him a kick up the arse" it never happened.

We normally msg daily - nothing excessive but just a "hey how are you" or "have a good day" etc. Some days we msg more depending on what we're chatting about.

He went quiet once which I mentioned and he was very apologetic and things went back to how they were. All good.

But something now just feels off. Three days of radio silence last week after I replied to a msg he sent me. His excuse? He thought he'd replied

He Avoids questions I ask him.

He Cancelled a weekend away together last weekend that we'd planned (had to visit a sick relative instead) the three days silence were the days leading up to when we were going away. I'd sorted childcare for this weekend.

He's away this weekend, when I'm child free but hasn't attempted to make plans to see me again. Which means if I don't... it would be 4 weeks until I see him next.

He messaged me this morning, which I replied to but yet again it's just radio silence...!

I'm not a needy person, and know I've not come on too strong as he said one of the things he likes about me is I don't stress him out but this doesn't look great does it?

We've both said we're not dating others and we have slept together.

So... if you've made it this far, thank you for reading and I'd welcome your thoughts and opinions

Like the famous saying goes: He's just not that into you.

Ok I am getting it trademarked 😂

He doesn’t want to prioritise you or have a real relationship with you- but he’s happy for you to feed his fragile ego! I’ve always said this about many OLD guys- they have egg shell egos requiring regular feeding. Newsflash!!! Real men don’t function on ego feeding- they look after you before they even think of themselves.
I can tell already if he’s ignored- his ego will be shattered and he will start the chase again- not because he wants to be in a relationship with you but because he needs to know you want to be in one with him.

Ego is the root of all evil imo

Sorry, but it doesn't sound like he's that bothered about whether you feature in his life or not. But he'll keep it going for now anyway. Sorry, but that's how it sounds to me

It isn’t even a proper message - he could only be bothered typing two words! He’s just trying to keep you on the hook with the least possible effort.

I wouldn’t reply to that. Leave him wondering. If you get another message in a day or two I’d reply “sorry I’ve not replied, I’ve kind of met someone else and while nothing has happened yet, it’s made me realise that you’re not quite right for me. I’ve always said I’d be honest with you, so I’m ending it now. All the best.”

@Honeyroar is right. 2 words.
Just seeing if you bite .

You are on the proverbial back burner I'm afraid, he is either attached, seeing other people or as suggested for him it has run it's course, move on, I'm a Single dad and after a 20yr relationship have recently tried the online dating and for so many people it's little more than an ego boost to make them feel desired. I contacted several women over a few months and met a couple of them and then met someone who blew my socks off, if the feelings you have were mutual there would be a lot more contact and interest from him I'm afraid, move on, I'm 50 and when the chemistry is right on both sides you won't have time to make posts like this! Move on, trust that there is someone out there as interested in you as you are in them and don't settle for second best or try to find ways to compensate for the other party's missing link, good luck

Sorry op, that's fairly brutal. "You alright" has to be the most disinterested text ever,

Personally I'd delete and block. No response. I know he will likely be relieved, but really don't do this to yourself hanging in there hoping for some more crumbs.

OP I have a bad feeling you are going to reply and this situation will just limp on until he drops you altogether.He likes you because"you don't stress him out"? He's training you early to not question him and his flakiness.

Don't let him offer you crumbs -- it's just wasting your time when you could be meeting the person that will treat you like the angel on top of the tree!

@LastChanceSaloon2019 just stop replying to him.

Hey,

I completely understand where you're coming from and my advice would be to RUN before you're truly invested. I'm almost 4 years into a 'relationship' that began in the same manner as this and guess what...hes still the same :) its, for want of a better explanation, mentally and emotionally draining and is constantly a push/pull battle.

DONT DO IT.

I've replied.

I know a lot of you will be like, FGS!!!! But as someone said upthread, for me I need to have that final closure before boxing it up and moving on.

I was polite, straight to the point and honest. Said his communication had been poor, left me feeling like history was repeating itself and that things were no longer working for me so I was drawing a line under things.

Said it'd been fun, and wished him well for the future.

He has replied to ask if there is someone else which I confirmed there wasn't.

He's been very apologetic, said he's rubbish at replying to messages and that he's not seeing or sleeping with anyone else.

There's been no "I really like you... I'd like to carry on seeing you" or anything to make me think that he believes what we had going was so good he didn't want it to end.

Which says it all really.

I've not replied to his last messages, still can't quite bring myself to block and delete

Then don't block - just forget and move on. If he really likes you he'll get in touch, if he doesn't, he won't.

Well done, at least you know. It's not the reaction of someone who's that bothered really is it! Onwards and upwards, there are plenty of smashing guys out there x The right one will hunt you down not piss you off!

Have a and chin up love.

Well done, OP.

Thing is, even if he does get in touch now, things won’t be any better in the future.

Look he doesn’t really care how it’s made you feel, because it’s not important to him and you are opening that door wider and wider - he will cotton on eventually to what you want to hear, and he will make a token gesture. But he doesn’t really mean it!

The fact he replied asking if you had found someone else speaks volumes. He’s quicker to find out if you prefer someone else’s penis to his than acknowledging that he is the issue

Well done. That was a classy reply.

Well done OP. I wish you hadn't been quite so polite though as he hasn't treated you well.

Op, are you hoping he will act all keen suddenly? Say he's sorry and wants to see you?

Because honestly when a guy treats you this bad at the beginning and you need to play games to get him to be involved, it's never ever going to work.

WokingPizza I did debate sending something not so polite.

My first reply, to his "you alright x" message was....

Yeah great, shame the same can't be said for your communication

But I thought better of it and having read back what I sent I'm happy I wrote what I did.

He's just messaged again saying "Gutted"

And so am I... I'm wishing for him to make it clear he still wants to progress things which is mad I know given everything that's been said on here.

But now I do feel upset, and empty

Cross post Bluntness.

But yes, I guess I am.

I'm not doing this to play games, or trick him though. I'm deadly serious in that I'm not willing to tolerate shit and as much as I like him he's not worth feeling the way I have since last weekend.

Polite is fine surely, proves he didnt get to you. Harder to be polite when one cares.
But id be offended that he asked if you had met somebody else!! Like, you cant just have a HIGH BAR