Opinions on this dating situation desperately wanted please!

[LastChanceSaloon2019]

Hello...I'm after people's opinions please on a dating situation I've found myself in as I really can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.

NC so this isn't linked to my other posts.

I'll try to be brief and just give you the facts, but would welcome brutal honesty as to what you think of the situation and what you think I should do next?

Been single over 3yrs, have done OLD and had lots of dates. Met a variety of men but the few I really liked turned out to be idiots and so it never went anywhere.

Latest guy I've been dating for a few months. On paper he's everything I'm looking for, plus I find him totally gorgeous and the chemistry we have is unreal. My profile on the site we met on said I was looking for a relationship and from what he's said I believe he shares the same opinion on the things mentioned above.

For context I'm a lone parent, although child free EOW and during school holidays plus have family close by who are happy to babysit.

So... this is where I'm struggling. We've had two midweek 'sober' dinner dates which were lovely, but instigated by me.

Our other dates have been on the weekends I'm child free and alcohol featured heavily, but were very enjoyable.

The week during half term I was child free (which he knew) and we made loose plans to go out for a meal but because I "didn't give him a kick up the arse" it never happened.

We normally msg daily - nothing excessive but just a "hey how are you" or "have a good day" etc. Some days we msg more depending on what we're chatting about.

He went quiet once which I mentioned and he was very apologetic and things went back to how they were. All good.

But something now just feels off. Three days of radio silence last week after I replied to a msg he sent me. His excuse? He thought he'd replied

He Avoids questions I ask him.

He Cancelled a weekend away together last weekend that we'd planned (had to visit a sick relative instead) the three days silence were the days leading up to when we were going away. I'd sorted childcare for this weekend.

He's away this weekend, when I'm child free but hasn't attempted to make plans to see me again. Which means if I don't... it would be 4 weeks until I see him next.

He messaged me this morning, which I replied to but yet again it's just radio silence...!

I'm not a needy person, and know I've not come on too strong as he said one of the things he likes about me is I don't stress him out but this doesn't look great does it?

We've both said we're not dating others and we have slept together.

So... if you've made it this far, thank you for reading and I'd welcome your thoughts and opinions

Block and delete it will feel soooooooooo good

Yeah he did actually have the cheek to ask me if I went out on Saturday but my reply was that because we didn't go away there was no point my mum babysitting so I had my daughter all weekend.

My mum had planned stuff on the basis I wouldn't be around but he blew our plans out the water on a Tuesday.

Personally I think that's enough notice but curious to know what others think?

Actually... having just read my last reply to the thread... fuck that!

Fuck that indeed! just end it. Have done. He's pissed you about enough (and your kind mum).

He didn't want a girlfried to 'stress him out', but he didn't go out for a meal with you because you 'didn't kick him up the arse'?

He doesn't know what he wants. I think he's seeing loads of others (whatever he told you) and he's just too busy to fit you in.

He told you just enough of what you wanted to hear at first, but the novelty has worn off now. I'd just text him to say that you wish him well but it's not working for you, then block.

There's someone better out there.

I wouldn’t even text him tbh. Match his level of effort and don’t give him more importance than he is giving you. People are so rude nowadays, they think it’s ok to treat everyone as an ‘option’ :(. Don’t think it’s you, you deserve better.

Aaah I've not been able to think of anything else today, and I feel really sad

I've rewritten a msg several times but can't bring myself to send it.

Part of me wants to have the final say and end it before he possibly does but another part wants to wait until he (maybe) gets in touch then boom... up yours matey I deserve so much more.

Really, really don't know what to do but wish this horrible feeling would go away.

Don't lower yourself by sending him some daft message. It will just make you look silly and desperate. Block and move on. All that "final word" nonsense is just ridiculous.

But he won’t really care about the final message

Actually very liberating for people to have to eternally wonder WHY you fucked off isn’t it? that to me is having your own last word - by not giving it!

The best revenge is when he texts, just don’t reply!

Yes you're both right about not sending a message. Something stopped me from sending it so my gut must be telling me it's not the right thing to do.

If he does get in touch, I don't think not replying would be the best approach. To me that's ghosting and while his behaviour might merit that I'd rather just be open and honest so we both know where we stand.

It sounds like he has already made his made up but doesn’t have the guts to tell you...

Leave him to it and enjoy a child free weekend

Exactly what I thought Glitterb.

I just don't get it though! We'd spoken about dating etc and both seemed to be of the same opinion when it came to ending things and best way to go about it. He agreed it's best to be honest and when I told him about me being ghosted previously he genuinely seemed disgusted.

I know it's been said a million times over but I really didn't think he had it in him to do this. I feel so let down

He is communicating by not communicating.

OP, not blocking him is you still holding onto hope that he will suddenly realise what he is losing and come good. You know it and we know it. You can pretend it’s taking the upper hand it isn’t 😂

For your own sanity you need to block and delete. It’s not mean or making you a bad person to ignore someone who has treated you badly. All it does is let yourself have mug written all over you if you don’t take actual action to protect and stand up for yourself. In a years time you will cringe at how much you invested in this loser

He lost the right to have a polite where we stand convo when he chose to ignore you.

Ghosting is when you vanish without a trace with no explanation

Ghosting is not giving up on someone who ignores you and moving on by just not engaging with them anymore

You'll continue to feel let down by this one. Please don't act like a dog begging for scraps from his table. These situations can take over your life until all you can think about is HIM, you end up constantly checking your phone and feeling down when he doesn't reply or even read your messages. Is this what you want in a relationship? Don't you deserve better?

Plus, as pps have said - you could be one of many women he keeps dangling.

I wouldn't message.
I would block, delete.
He's not that in to you, messaging him makes it seem like you're into him. Don't give him that, block, delete, ghost. There are nice men out there.

Yup he is on the drift and you deserve to be treated better. When you only have limited free time it's so disrespectful/shows lack of interest for it to be wasted. The right one will move heaven and earth to be your priority for a free weekend not expect you to chase him up!

I'd ghost him on messaging for a few days to see how he likes it, he's not greased his finger so can always call if he's genuinely wanting to talk.

@LastChanceSaloon2019 who knows? But please do not blame yourself, it sounds like it’s him who has the problem. It happened to me more times than I remember with OLD! If he wasn’t feeling it then being honest is the best policy but rarely do people actually do it, almost as if you are a back up plan?
Either way, no great loss as he wasn’t the one for you.

His just not that in to you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just stop chasing, do nothing and move on to the next one.......

Sadly people do this rather than have a face to face
I mean it’s not going to be a nice convo to say sorry I don’t reply to you or had to cancel, have been out with Linda last week and had sex with Caroline, but how are you doing? Fancy meeting up?

Thank you all for your responses.

You've confirmed pretty much what I was thinking but just didn't want to admit.

I recognise that blocking and deleting is the sensible thing to do, but as Menora said there is a part of me wanting him to realise what he's missing and come good. Blocking and deleting just seems so.... final

I'm usually a strong independent woman but with this situation I just feel like a tiny little girl and it's horrible.

I know I need to pull myself together.

This was my last attempt at OLD as my username suggests. I've had too many bad experiences and met too many idiots to keep doing it.

It's so hard, op. It's happened to me and you constantly go back over what you've said/ he said etc. Just try to look at positives - you can arrange nice things running up to Xmas with your friends and family and won't be left sitting on your own when he lets you down at the last minute again.

A guy I was OLD treated me this way a few years ago. We had amazing chemistry, I fancies the pants off him, he was great company etc etc...but he resisted when I tried to make plans even though, like you, I am far from needy. Looking back, I think he was an eternal bachelor (mid forties and still living very much a single, child-free lifestyle). Obvs nothing wrong with that but it was the original guff about wanting a committed relationship and how awful it was when people let you down that was so galling. He just wasn't into me but he was also very much into his boozy, no-responsibities lifestyle. He sounds similar to your guy.

Ghost him, have lovely times with your friends and family and move on 😀